I think about you all the time
I think of you always
I can't get you out of my head
Would you politely excuse yourself?
Do me a favor and stop
I can't do this
I can't not be with you
I can't not hold you
I could kiss you forever
if you'd let me
and I don't why
I just wish you would open your eyes
but who am I kidding ?
You'll always be blind
Why you?
Why me?
Why can't we be?
My heart is breaking
and I need you
I need you here always
Always next to me
Never leave me
Just don't walk away again
I don't think I could bear to watch
My heart is screaming for you
and I think it lost its voice
Months and months ago
From the day we met
I knew I wanted to be yours
and I don't think I can do this
Anymore..

© 2012 Christina Jackson

The disappointment in her eyes- Rang like a million
church bells, over and over again.

Everything stopped- Frozen in time
Nothing made sense.
Ash and Urn, the unearthed dirt is crumbling now.

Laughing and sighing all at once.

The cathedral spoke to her in whispers,
Sweet whispers, and the shivers ran deep, deep
within her- down to her spine.

It was as though God was speaking to her through the *****
that echoed throughout the hallowed aisles- He spoke, but silently
wept, he wept for her; to understand why she had to go through all
of this again.

Why, is the question she's asked herself-
over and over and over again


The pastor spoke compassionately, with love
in his voice.
He always choked up, in between verse.
For he knew her, and her family's strife.
He too wept, for the once wonderful life, they
all so recently had.

Before that day- Nothing seemed to matter
But now it all faded away- into nothingness

As she wept her silent tears, God promised her
nothing would be the same, "oh sweet child, you have to
let go; rest your fears. You can't keep living and carrying around the pain. Oh deep and genuine pain, give me everything and I will release you. From those shackles, those rusted chains.

And she sighed, knowing he would do just
as he had promised.
She then let go of it all, and nothing was the same.
He walked with her, side by side.

The pastor spoke the last words of his sermon
As they threw ash to the wind- all of the sorrow,
need not burden anyone anymore.

I release you, please take off those chains-
You no longer have to worry, ever again
© 2014 Christina Jackson

There is a certain amount of misery and sadness that emanates from within when two lovers part ways. Unmistakably so, a feeling permeating like the tails of a comet leaving trails of white hot light in its destructive path; Through the darkest parts of a hearts grieving wrath. The circumstances of separation are usually unimportant when viewed through the kaleidoscope like lens of a comets looking glass. If you blink right on time, you'll miss the haunted look blankly staring out in to the starry dark night sky. Yet all that was right and whole, in one fell swoop seems to disintegrate in to a mysterious black hole. It leaves your innards laughing devilishly scattering like asteroids on earths inevitable impact, scarred and ******. A state of unrest travels throughout the body as though anesthetics have been administered without fair warning.  

You have not the faintest clue there is a storm brewing on the horizon, yet your first instinct begs further investigation. It is not the clouds or rain that moves you, rather the lightning that strikes you down; Turning all that you are in to a fragile piece of glass. The subtlety of the shatter gives way like a **** breaking leaving no room for second guesses. Pure catastrophe heeds in the foreseeable path one travels upon. I cannot stress as much as I can detest a lighthouses warning to an incoming ship. Those waters need carefully charted and calculated maps. However, with or without, one is sure enough to hit the rocky shores and crash.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

And I'm suffering now-
The sunrise seeps slowly
through my curtains
in disguise.
I cannot blame the sun for
appearing everyday I have
not closed my eyes.
However, the moon is so
lovely. I cannot help but
form a smile.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

And I'll write your name in ink
and pen
Over and over again

Until it smears and spreads-

Dripping from my blood
stained fingertips

© 2014 Christina Jackson

One hundred and twenty-six days-
sober.
I thought I was strong enough
What the **** is the point of thinking
you have free will when this poison touched
my lips again?
After 126 days-
I convinced myself I was okay, that I could
"handle" just one drink
But one turned into more-
and I've had enough in my lifetime...
© 2016 Christina Jackson

Racing, to beat the clock.
Forever we hear, the tick
the tock. Can we never
escape the mockery of
the clock? I fear I'll never
replace, all the time now gone.
Time is such a funny thing.
It consists of science,
and answers to secrets
once lost. I can't begin
to explain, all the time
we've been wasting.
Trapped in a circular
motion, of rings and
dings. This cycle, it'll
never end. I used to fear
death. But now it's time
that's no longer my friend.
Today is just another day,
lost to oblivion, and we're
all just wasting away.
So go live your life
and waste not another day.

© 2013 Christina Jackson

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

There's that look again in your eyes

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

That pain you feel inside?
It's eating away at you inner light

Promise me, hand in hand
We'll see each other again

Closed eyes, short of breath
Is your heart beating lightning fast?

Cause I'm trembling here, without you

So? How about it now?
One last goodbye

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

I'm always here

Through the depths of time and space
I can feel you here, reaching out for me

It's not impossible

It's only a holographic world
Space and time and distance,
are limiting your mind

So? How about it now?
Can you feel your hand in mine

Reaching out for you
from limitless dimensions

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

It was just an illusionary device
You conjured up in your head

So? How about it now?

The demons won again
© 2017 Christina Jackson

A drop of solitude-
takes me away

Passes the fortitude
of my dying days

The elixir of pain-
Draws away my
suffering breath

Curses my youthful ways

A drop of solitude-
Is much to little to
bear

A glass of oak barreled
brown deliciousness

Expects nothing but-
My lying ways

Heaven held in a bottle
is where I'll comfortably stay
© 2014 Christina Jackson

It was easy to say you were
all that I needed in this life.

No one I had ever connected with,
came close to the way you
made me feel, in a different sense.

Never did I ever expect to
fall so madly in love
with a man I had never met.

A spiritual connection between
you and I, that could never
be a replicate.

We live in between worlds,
a place where no one else
but you and I visit.

Only in my dreams can I feel
you. Nothing will ever make
this emptiness in my heart
right.

No matter how hard I try.
I won't give up
You are worth every breath,
as I grasp on to the present moment-
I won't give up.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I fight and I fight
With no end in sight

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I wither in pain
hollow inside and out

my flame does not burn
It’s been snuffed out.

In Death and Life

There is no end,
no end in sight.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

I have no words for how much I miss you, I am speechless and growing mute.
You were always a piece of me, attached as though a puzzle
You've pieced me back together, little by little.
I'm growing smaller by the day
eventually I'll be nothing but
little bits of dried up clay
© 2015 Christina Jackson

The window creaked like old shaky bones

Narrowing the top, where the crevices of glass
close like a safe full of gold and treasure
Yet, never breaks

All along I believed- His heart was immortal
The most graceful heart was held in he.

I admired him as though church goers do,
the stained remnants of stories we hold

So delicately- Do we hold on to the beautiful
in life
Yet, not the broken

All the broken pieces and shards lost
throughout the years of history-
I'd ought keep them all

Deliver them to the glass-man
and he'd have returned every
last piece of history
Place them in the palm of my
hands

Where they so beautifully belong-
forever with me
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Death is seeding
It’s all around me

My life is depleting

Lost-

I cannot find thee
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I'm currently perplexed by.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men.
The first of which, his illustrious and alluring sweet scent, his warm lips pressed against mine.
I'm intoxicated by his every whim, sweat beads leak through my once impenetrable armored skin
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The second of which, stimulates my mind through use of intellectual punch lines
The lines of which his skin I have yet to be graced by, the eyes of which have never met mine
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The audacity of my actions has left me with no logical sense of direction
The dexterity of loves swift kick has left me fragile and of not so sweet disposition
I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I am currently drowning in.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two incredibly wonderful men.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

"Music releases the soul like a dove during ceremony, it's beauty unmatched. It's wings free, yet birthed out of the idea of slavery, considered a caged being. As if birds could be tamed, or used for entertainment rather than fond adoration." © 2014 Christina Jackson

Do you love me?
As I love you?
So deeply it hurts-
And the knots in your
stomach won't go away
And you lie in bed at night
Wishing and waiting
For the one you love
to love you the same
And all you feel is pain-
Pain for your heart and soul,
knowing they love someone else-
And your heart hurts and you can't
breath anymore.
And all fades to darkness
and all you're left with
is nothing but empty spaces..
2014 Christina Jackson

It seems as if the weight of the world
is no longer resting upon my shoulders
I've been set free, released from the gallows

My life now but a blooming flower
Never did it stop growing
Yet I failed to see its beauty
Infinite and ever evolving

It feels as if the light has pierced the darkness once more
Penetrating its maddening concrete packed crevices
For so long has it waited to be revealed

A mask peeled away
One I thought I needed
to keep the vampires away

No longer afraid
that the sunlight
will reveal everything
I've been hiding for years
© 2013 Christina Jackson

I see the ground and the sky
is it above or below me?
Quite possibly I'm blind
The world is always spinning
But there's not much time
The sun is slowly dying
and I haven't accomplished
my dreams, so what am
I left to do? But just live my life
Do, feel, see, touch, taste, experience
whatever, wherever, with whomever I'd like
And eventually, my soul, It'll fly off into unknowns
And finally, oh finally, I'll be on my journey home.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

It is not death that kills us-
Rather life that swallows us whole

The pain and suffering-
Oh, how it comes and goes.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I never did like 'good nights', you see-
They always seemed like goodbyes to me

So instead I say 'until next time',
and all is right for bedtime.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

A thousand days
I have walked

A thousand nights
I have pondered

A thousand days
I have wandered

A thousand days
A thousand nights
I have waited
To feel like I'm home again.

© 2006 Christina Jackson

And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon

You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years

Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay

And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists

Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist

And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?

Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
*******, just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last

A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you

We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much

It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight

I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?

I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical *******
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense

And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you

And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste

To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways

I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought

Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess

Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you

I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn

I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****

All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson

We silently weep
You wouldn't know it
under the covers we keep-
All the tears saved away

We silently weep
Beneath the pale skies of night

Where no one can see-
The tears welling up inside

We walk like giants in the day
Show no fear, or bottled up pain

We silently weep
as the white horses
roll towards the rocks

Crashing down, the waves
envelop us, drowning out
our muttered cries.

We silently weep
into ancient depths
of oceans lost-
Where our tears go
but are never forgotten
© 2017 Christina Jackson

Many a tear has shed from these eyes-

Through the years of loving you,
My life hasn't been the same
You have chemically altered the cells
in my heart and brain.
The love and care you've showed me-
knows no bounds.
It’s limitless in shape and form-
spanning thousands of lifetimes.

It is said, you only truly love once
And I have loved you with everything
I am, and everything I aspire to be,
springs from the gratitude and appreciation
I have had of knowing you, of loving you-
Of longing for you, night after night
With no end in sight, I have loved you
With everything I am
And everything I will ever be
My love, my life, my destiny.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Life slips by so quickly
in an instant you've
lost your way

My voice echos
on into infinity

Forever guiding you home
Where I'll always be

My heart; a loving place
you can forever call home
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I'd tremble at the thought of your touch

That ever awakening blissful feeling
when your hands moved up and
down my spine

Sensually daunting thoughts enter my mind-

A shock of pain quivered through every
lonely bone of mine

I don't own the skin I'm living in,
I shed like a snake leaving leftover
moments of borrowed time.

Those moments gone now, slipping
slowly through the looking glass
of my eyes

All that you are and ever will be
Is just a fading memory
Lost in between the cracks and
crevices of time.

She is yours, and sadly I've been left behind.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

The difference between
you and I

You'll sleep just fine tonight

And sleep for me won't come
until fall

The most unfortunate occurrence of
them all

Is leading someone on..
© 2014 Christina Jackson

There is a bridge
built between the
isle of me and you

Seperation of the soul
and heart

The bridge is classified
as a historical landmark

Consecrating our love
that stood tall-
and did not fall

Throughout the years,
of historical architecture

It is constructed of
celestial materials
Unbreakable in the
hands of man

There- Underneath
the bridge a current
flows
An infinite supply
of water
That never submerges
nor erodes

The sacred bridge between
his soul and mine

In the middle of it-
Stood statues and columns
symbolizing the ancient
roots of our eternal love

But there was no boat,
that had ever sailed the
rocky harsh currents below

It was unbreakable-
The water was rough
to bear
Regardless, our love
was rare.
It is the fleeting waves
and thunderstorms
Beneath nights clear air.

Violently gravitating
one another closer
and closer throughout
the years

The moments in time
were disappearing
Rapidly dissipating into
the watery depths of the sea

In this lifetime I fear-
We will never meet

Our compasses have
been broken
And I feel the bridge is
drifting out of sight

The constant I have found-
Is our love will never die
Our bridge will never fall

Love is in us all along
Forever young
Growing strong
© 2014 Christina Jackson