And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon

You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years

Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay

And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists

Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist

And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?

Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
*******, just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last

A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you

We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much

It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight

I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?

I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical *******
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense

And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you

And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste

To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways

I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought

Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess

Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you

I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn

I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****

All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson

It was easy to say you were
all that I needed in this life.

No one I had ever connected with,
came close to the way you
made me feel, in a different sense.

Never did I ever expect to
fall so madly in love
with a man I had never met.

A spiritual connection between
you and I, that could never
be a replicate.

We live in between worlds,
a place where no one else
but you and I visit.

Only in my dreams can I feel
you. Nothing will ever make
this emptiness in my heart
right.

No matter how hard I try.
I won't give up
You are worth every breath,
as I grasp on to the present moment-
I won't give up.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I fight and I fight
With no end in sight

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I wither in pain
hollow inside and out

my flame does not burn
It’s been snuffed out.

In Death and Life

There is no end,
no end in sight.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

The disappointment in her eyes- Rang like a million
church bells, over and over again.

Everything stopped- Frozen in time
Nothing made sense.
Ash and Urn, the unearthed dirt is crumbling now.

Laughing and sighing all at once.

The cathedral spoke to her in whispers,
Sweet whispers, and the shivers ran deep, deep
within her- down to her spine.

It was as though God was speaking to her through the *****
that echoed throughout the hallowed aisles- He spoke, but silently
wept, he wept for her; to understand why she had to go through all
of this again.

Why, is the question she's asked herself-
over and over and over again


The pastor spoke compassionately, with love
in his voice.
He always choked up, in between verse.
For he knew her, and her family's strife.
He too wept, for the once wonderful life, they
all so recently had.

Before that day- Nothing seemed to matter
But now it all faded away- into nothingness

As she wept her silent tears, God promised her
nothing would be the same, "oh sweet child, you have to
let go; rest your fears. You can't keep living and carrying around the pain. Oh deep and genuine pain, give me everything and I will release you. From those shackles, those rusted chains.

And she sighed, knowing he would do just
as he had promised.
She then let go of it all, and nothing was the same.
He walked with her, side by side.

The pastor spoke the last words of his sermon
As they threw ash to the wind- all of the sorrow,
need not burden anyone anymore.

I release you, please take off those chains-
You no longer have to worry, ever again
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I have no words for how much I miss you, I am speechless and growing mute.
You were always a piece of me, attached as though a puzzle
You've pieced me back together, little by little.
I'm growing smaller by the day
eventually I'll be nothing but
little bits of dried up clay
© 2015 Christina Jackson

And I'm suffering now-
The sunrise seeps slowly
through my curtains
in disguise.
I cannot blame the sun for
appearing everyday I have
not closed my eyes.
However, the moon is so
lovely. I cannot help but
form a smile.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I think about you all the time
I think of you always
I can't get you out of my head
Would you politely excuse yourself?
Do me a favor and stop
I can't do this
I can't not be with you
I can't not hold you
I could kiss you forever
if you'd let me
and I don't why
I just wish you would open your eyes
but who am I kidding ?
You'll always be blind
Why you?
Why me?
Why can't we be?
My heart is breaking
and I need you
I need you here always
Always next to me
Never leave me
Just don't walk away again
I don't think I could bear to watch
My heart is screaming for you
and I think it lost its voice
Months and months ago
From the day we met
I knew I wanted to be yours
and I don't think I can do this
Anymore..

© 2012 Christina Jackson

There is a certain amount of misery and sadness that emanates from within when two lovers part ways. Unmistakably so, a feeling permeating like the tails of a comet leaving trails of white hot light in its destructive path; Through the darkest parts of a hearts grieving wrath. The circumstances of separation are usually unimportant when viewed through the kaleidoscope like lens of a comets looking glass. If you blink right on time, you'll miss the haunted look blankly staring out in to the starry dark night sky. Yet all that was right and whole, in one fell swoop seems to disintegrate in to a mysterious black hole. It leaves your innards laughing devilishly scattering like asteroids on earths inevitable impact, scarred and ******. A state of unrest travels throughout the body as though anesthetics have been administered without fair warning.  

You have not the faintest clue there is a storm brewing on the horizon, yet your first instinct begs further investigation. It is not the clouds or rain that moves you, rather the lightning that strikes you down; Turning all that you are in to a fragile piece of glass. The subtlety of the shatter gives way like a **** breaking leaving no room for second guesses. Pure catastrophe heeds in the foreseeable path one travels upon. I cannot stress as much as I can detest a lighthouses warning to an incoming ship. Those waters need carefully charted and calculated maps. However, with or without, one is sure enough to hit the rocky shores and crash.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

And I'll write your name in ink
and pen
Over and over again

Until it smears and spreads-

Dripping from my blood
stained fingertips

© 2014 Christina Jackson

Racing, to beat the clock.
Forever we hear, the tick
the tock. Can we never
escape the mockery of
the clock? I fear I'll never
replace, all the time now gone.
Time is such a funny thing.
It consists of science,
and answers to secrets
once lost. I can't begin
to explain, all the time
we've been wasting.
Trapped in a circular
motion, of rings and
dings. This cycle, it'll
never end. I used to fear
death. But now it's time
that's no longer my friend.
Today is just another day,
lost to oblivion, and we're
all just wasting away.
So go live your life
and waste not another day.

© 2013 Christina Jackson

We silently weep
You wouldn't know it
under the covers we keep-
All the tears saved away

We silently weep
Beneath the pale skies of night

Where no one can see-
The tears welling up inside

We walk like giants in the day
Show no fear, or bottled up pain

We silently weep
as the white horses
roll towards the rocks

Crashing down, the waves
envelop us, drowning out
our muttered cries.

We silently weep
into ancient depths
of oceans lost-
Where our tears go
but are never forgotten
© 2017 Christina Jackson

It was subtle, but he touched my soul in a way that no other could.  He calmed my inner dialogue and put my fears to rest.
The monsters aren't as scary when you have someone else slay them with you and comfort you in the darkness.
And in this new calm state, still, I stirred and grabbed deep down, a fire in me I long forgot about
You've lent me a pair of glasses which showed all the beautiful parts of me I couldn't see
Most important of all, you never judged me, not once, for just being me
©2021 Christina Jackson

Do you love me?
As I love you?
So deeply it hurts-
And the knots in your
stomach won't go away
And you lie in bed at night
Wishing and waiting
For the one you love
to love you the same
And all you feel is pain-
Pain for your heart and soul,
knowing they love someone else-
And your heart hurts and you can't
breath anymore.
And all fades to darkness
and all you're left with
is nothing but empty spaces..
2014 Christina Jackson

A drop of solitude-
takes me away

Passes the fortitude
of my dying days

The elixir of pain-
Draws away my
suffering breath

Curses my youthful ways

A drop of solitude-
Is much to little to
bear

A glass of oak barreled
brown deliciousness

Expects nothing but-
My lying ways

Heaven held in a bottle
is where I'll comfortably stay
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I'm currently perplexed by.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men.
The first of which, his illustrious and alluring sweet scent, his warm lips pressed against mine.
I'm intoxicated by his every whim, sweat beads leak through my once impenetrable armored skin
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The second of which, stimulates my mind through use of intellectual punch lines
The lines of which his skin I have yet to be graced by, the eyes of which have never met mine
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The audacity of my actions has left me with no logical sense of direction
The dexterity of loves swift kick has left me fragile and of not so sweet disposition
I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I am currently drowning in.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two incredibly wonderful men.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I would beg on bent knee
for all the gods to bring you
back to me

We were giants once
Do you remember?
The days we basked in
the sunlight
On the rocks, where the waves
crashed down upon us
Skin warmed and kissed
by the dying rays

I would beg on bent knee
for all the gods to bring you
back to me

When we became shrunken
like the voodoo heads
That hang in car windows
Do you remember?
You smiled back at me
Crookedly, lovingly

Your tender heart could
not bear the darkness
As I have welcomed it in
Easily, like an old friend

And I'd rip these trees
Root and stem
Beg on bent knee
For you, back again

And where will I stand?
When the earth opens up
and swallows me whole
Like the hole in my heart

Back in the place I left you
is where you'll find me
Down on bent knee

Earth rumbling with anger

I'll never be free
©2020 Christina Jackson

The window creaked like old shaky bones

Narrowing the top, where the crevices of glass
close like a safe full of gold and treasure
Yet, never breaks

All along I believed- His heart was immortal
The most graceful heart was held in he.

I admired him as though church goers do,
the stained remnants of stories we hold

So delicately- Do we hold on to the beautiful
in life
Yet, not the broken

All the broken pieces and shards lost
throughout the years of history-
I'd ought keep them all

Deliver them to the glass-man
and he'd have returned every
last piece of history
Place them in the palm of my
hands

Where they so beautifully belong-
forever with me
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Death is seeding
It’s all around me

My life is depleting

Lost-

I cannot find thee
© 2014 Christina Jackson

It seems as if the weight of the world
is no longer resting upon my shoulders
I've been set free, released from the gallows

My life now but a blooming flower
Never did it stop growing
Yet I failed to see its beauty
Infinite and ever evolving

It feels as if the light has pierced the darkness once more
Penetrating its maddening concrete packed crevices
For so long has it waited to be revealed

A mask peeled away
One I thought I needed
to keep the vampires away

No longer afraid
that the sunlight
will reveal everything
I've been hiding for years
© 2013 Christina Jackson

"Music releases the soul like a dove during ceremony, it's beauty unmatched. It's wings free, yet birthed out of the idea of slavery, considered a caged being. As if birds could be tamed, or used for entertainment rather than fond adoration." © 2014 Christina Jackson

I see the ground and the sky
is it above or below me?
Quite possibly I'm blind
The world is always spinning
But there's not much time
The sun is slowly dying
and I haven't accomplished
my dreams, so what am
I left to do? But just live my life
Do, feel, see, touch, taste, experience
whatever, wherever, with whomever I'd like
And eventually, my soul, It'll fly off into unknowns
And finally, oh finally, I'll be on my journey home.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

The spring that wouldn’t end

We locked ourselves in
Sunlight became
Fluorescent bulbs and
candlelight for some

And we couldn’t breathe
airways became sirens
and the world fell silent

Out of the storm
We have united-
A shift in consciousness

It was the spring
that wouldn’t end

We thought we were
Invincible
But found out how
dispensable we had become

And becoming became a
part of our daily ritual
and our guns became
masks and bleach

We thought we were safe

The lies spilled out
over the news station
radio waves

Official orders became
streetlights
As if we were all grounded
for staying out after dark

We weren’t smart
playing dead was
no longer a game
Sunday morning cartoons
became one thousand people dead
and all before 8 a.m!

We the people disobeyed
the chief in command
A murderer
The 1% will never understand

Nurses and doctors
suddenly became war
heroes
We cheered them on and
though they tried
Thousands started dropping
like flies

They called it mismanagement
I call it a crime

The spring that wouldn’t end
bleeds into summer
and the traffic lights are
blinking warning signs

We are moving too fast
it will never end

And the tyrants started
to look like giants
We’ve drawn back
the curtain
between love and hate

Division of lives
we conquered divided lines
and we drew lines in the sand
S.O.S
Screaming at the top
of our lungs

Lungs that have grown
vulnerable, to an invisible enemy

Picking its victims at random
And our answers to
questions unanswered
lie at the bottom of Petri dishes

And our kitchen cabinets
became locked targets

People hoarded the markets
of supplies, ripped out
root and stem
We bought all the wrong things
and we’re surprised when
it didn’t keep us safe

And those megaphones
turned into noise
canceling headphones

Your words don’t matter

But hey, take solace in
knowing we still have each other

Hugs turned into construction
barricades

Don’t stand so close to me
When coughs and holding
hands became the most
dangerous weapons to wield

So we used soap as shields
Kept each other in our
“thoughts and prayers”

Still believing something
invisible could cure us
When the very thing was
killing us

They called you a martyr
for leaving your home
in plain clothes

Menacing eyes follow you,
remember
Stay six feet apart
Because “droplets won’t spread
that far” -we promise!

And to the man who
led the command
you didn’t keep us safe
Your words became
bioweapons
terrorizing the land

And it didn’t matter
if you turned off the t.v
you were still there
spreading lies
spewing hateful
rhetoric

And the history books
won’t forget about us
Not again

We will always remember
the spring that
wouldn’t end

Our news feeds
were filled up
The grids became slower
We didn’t plan for this
[oh but we did, I tell ya!]

There are some who
are thriving
Finding their way in
the darkness

Pardon me, could you be
a little more quiet?
You’re disrupting the
regularly scheduled
program on war and
violence

And some became so
blinded by hate that
country of origin
was more important
than a human life

And how did they report it?

We became experts
in the art of hard targets
We had more
coffins than nails
and hammers

Virtual funerals
became a thing
When family and
friends “Party of 20”
didn’t mean the
same thing

Quickly, hide your children
hide the old and the wise
“They are most vulnerable”
lock them up inside

And we tried to
save the college
graduate
Who had no known
preexisting conditions
and as he gasped
for air

He blamed the politicians
for sending them down
the wrong path to
righteousness

And he became
just another number
on any given day

During the spring
that wouldn’t end

So we partied on
live streams-
danced in virtual
clubs
Made friends with
strangers
learned how to love

There were those
who logged
hundreds of hours
building their fantasy
worlds
Where Tim and Tom became
just as prolific as Jack and Jill

And somehow through
it all
We found love in the
time of COVID-19

During the spring
that wouldn’t end
© 2020 Christina Jackson

I wrote this down for you
so I would remember
all the best parts we shared
the kiss within the kiss
that sweet moment
before our lips touch
a faint memory
little ghosts  dancing on
the surface of my lips
where you once belonged
I wanted to write you something
beautiful so that you would remember
that it wasn't just an illusionary concept
I conjured up in my mind
And I don't want to feel anymore
because living isn't living without you
and these headaches from the tears I've cried
are starting to deplete my energy slowly
I hate it; I hate it so much
and I can't feel you next to me anymore
curled up in your arms
I stare at the bed, and it's not the same
Can anyone hear me scream?
How can this much pain be so silent
And I wipe away the tears from my eyes
little droplets of salty memories disappear
The heat rising in my chest up and down my neck
from holding my breath
And the release isn't enough
nothing is ever enough
because living isn't living without you
and I thought I was fine, but I don't
sleep the same anymore, and my heart
aches when I hear your voice
my knees still get weak
I feel everything and nothing all at the same time
And I thought I was so sure
I didn't have to spend time looking for someone
anymore
I thought you were it  and so I stopped trying to find
something I already had
I know why you did what you did
but ****** if  I'm not still angry with myself
even though you told me I was enough
somehow I don't believe one bit of it
In the end, I was just another distraction
from your wounded, barely healed heart
I feel so used, but I can't fault you for hurting
and I can't be angry with you for the decisions you made
in the end, you did what you did for yourself
I wish these tears would somehow erase these
new marks I've acquired on my fragile heart
but they just dry up and start again
If only I drowned in them
maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this pain
and the realization that you were never mine
but I'll always be a little bit yours
©2020 Christina Jackson

And there was nothing but blackness
as far as the eye could see
She was spinning tops in her head
swatting the demons away like fleas

Unbeknownst to her, disease was setting in
Spreading like wildfire, she screamed
As they welcomed themselves in
No invitation was needed, for she had conceded

The darkness was swallowing her once again

Her yearly ritual, the grin of a ghastly figure stood over her whistling the familiar tune
She knew it was time to shut her eyes, so swallowing her pride;
Two sarcastic pills appeared in her hand, this time she couldn't disguise the screams.

Choking and convulsing
Sweating and foaming

She awoke the next morning, the whites of her eyes-
Nearly plum wine as if the vines had drawn little lies to remind her of last night.

She wouldn't let them win-
with a wink and a drink she drew the curtains of dread
Light flooded toward her
In the blink of an eye she drew a big smile
and the sun warmed her icy veins
Basking in her new found perspective

She wouldn't let the demons win.
© 2019 Christina Jackson

It is not death that kills us-
Rather life that swallows us whole

The pain and suffering-
Oh, how it comes and goes.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I never did like 'good nights', you see-
They always seemed like goodbyes to me

So instead I say 'until next time',
and all is right for bedtime.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

A thousand days
I have walked

A thousand nights
I have pondered

A thousand days
I have wandered

A thousand days
A thousand nights
I have waited
To feel like I'm home again.

© 2006 Christina Jackson

I'm going to eat
so many chips
and cookies

THE END.

© 2016 Christina Jackson