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Christina Cox Dec 2015
She believes that she is nothing.
Yet you tell her she is not.
She holds on to that believe
and ties it around her waist.
Maybe if you tell her enough
you’ll pull her out of the deep.
And she’ll she the light above
that surrounds her when she believes
that she is something.
  Dec 2015 Christina Cox
AJ
I feel like I'm living in a house
That has already been packed up.
Displaced things.
Confusing mazes.
Unlabeled boxes,
But never unable to find the *****.

I'm too powerful to be open.
It's not secrets,
It's survival.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
I close my eyes and hope for peace.
Day dreaming of fake angels to save me.
Ready the mind and body for the day,
give into the exhaustion of the soul and stop.
Multitudes of medications to fix the brain
that stays sick no matter the physical exercise.
Prepare the body and mind for the night,
slip into a restless sleep, waking every hour.
Psychological thrillers in my dreams
taking away the peacefulness of sleep.
Wake to alarms screaming through the room
move to coffee and begin again.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
Lights and sounds
disturbing the brain.
Making the move to
sicken the stomach.
Working to lay in bed
in the artificial darkness
with the loud silence
to maybe get better.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
There are times I lie to others.
About being happy and okay.
There are times I lie to myself.
About being okay and happy.

But there are also times I do not lie.

Times I do not lie to others.
About being okay and happy.
Times I do not lie to myself.
About being happy and okay.

But those times do not come often.

I would be lying if I didn’t say that
I lie more often than I tell the truth.
I just wish that when I told the truth
people around would believe me.

Just like I believe myself in those moments.

Of course, how can they believe me
when they know I lie more often than not?
But it does not help when they never believe me.

I just want someone to validate the truth
that there are days where I am happy
that there are days where I am okay.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
I forget things.
I forget that I can do things.

I forget that even though I have no energy I can do things.

I can take a nap.
I can take a shower.
I can play with my cat.

I forget that even though I have no motivation I can do things.

I can watch tv.
I can do a puzzle.
I can roll out of bed.

I forget that even though I have a mental illness I can do things.

I can be happy.
I can love myself.
I can be worth loving.

Even if it takes time to remember
that I can.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
From Head to Toe my body speaks
or rather, screams.
My purple hair says, “I am unique!”
while my soul whispers, “At least, I’m trying to be.”
Blue eyes full of stars yell, “I am beautiful!”
while my heart whispers, ”I don’t believe that, but I want to.”
This body covered in scars screams, ”I have problems!”
while the clothes I wear contradict, ”I have my life together.”
Scars on my shin shout, ”I’ve had fun, fallen, and gotten back up!”
while the skin underneath mutters, ”It wasn’t my choice.”
Painted toes holler, ”I want someone to notice me!”
while my mind breathes, ”No I don’t.”
From Head to Toe my body screams
and believes in something
that I do not.
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