Cigarettes and alibis,
purple turtles, little white lies,
see you fall on a silver screen,
a living testament of all that’s been,

caught your tears in a bottle of rye,
never ever seen a crocodile cry,
storms a brewing in an old tea cup,
stirred up the leafs, our time is up.

today i imagined depression as the dark hole to wonderland, and i imagined myself as alice. i, i am falling. to where: i don't know. why am i falling: well, i took a wrong step.
when i first fall down, i can still see the light. i can still feel happy, i can still remember how to be happy.
but as i fall deeper, i lose sight of the light above. i start to forget the things that made me happy, i lose track of the memories. i am only happy once in a while.
i fall too deep. so deep that i can no longer see the light above. ever. my eyes might as well be closed because at least then i can imagine happy things.
i feel as if i will never experience them again. this hole is never ending.
but there is a wonderland. it is below me. i know that much. but what is it? what does it look like? when do i reach it?  when do i land in happiness and forget the bad things? i've been falling forever.
my theory is that you are my wonderland. you are close, i know it. but you are still so far. you still feel impossible to reach, but i know that you are my destination. you are my happiness, the thing that will me make me forget all the bad things. you are everything i want and you are everything i need.

She swam and swam and swam til' she reached the end
And she fell for a man, without any pretend.
She imagined living with a feet.
To have a good life living with him.

Imagining spending eternity
With the guy without uncertainty.

So she swam and swam and swam near his ship
So that he could catch his attention
He turned around and saw her...
As a circus attraction.

The inside of a cloud
A rain cloud
Grey and cold
With drops dripping down

Fog, oh Fog
Still cold and grey
But, instead of the drops;
It is a blurring obscuring thing

Sunshine is too hot
Habilitates lethargy
It's mantra;
Sleep, Sleep; that is all you want

Rainy days
Grey again
Now the drops fall freely
Temperature dropping; it's frigid now

It is cold
Long sleeves a sanctuary
Chills numb after a time
It takes too long though

Spring time's sudden heat
Hinders the appetite
There is no sleep
Nor can one eat

In all weather
The eyes do weep

My feet are cracked.
My feet are cold.
The only thing leading me
is my heart.
Oh, how warm

'why are you still in here?'
someone asked her.
'why am i still in here?'
she asked herself. confused.
then she go to another place.
'why are you in here?'
another people asked her.
'why am i in here?'
she asked herself. again.
'useless'
someone shout it loud to her ears.

then she realize
that nobody wants her
she's useless
and
unwanted

so she go to her bedroom
where nobody can  found her
where she can be alone
the demons took all the control
she takes the blade under her pillow
and cut her wrists
wishing for dead

it happen again tomorrow
and the day after tomorrow
and when she's not strong enough
she cut herself again and again
she can't keep it to herself
she's not strong anymore
she thinks she's unwanted and useless
and the other night
in the rainy day
she killed herself

Smiling politely in the local store,
another happy shopper that most would ignore,
but what torrid secrets lay under her grin
the tainted stigma of that hidden sin,

she wraps up her fears with the things that she’s bought,
packed into bags without a thought,
the knots in her stomach drive her insane,
for she knows that tonight there’ll  be anguish and pain,

She drinks her coffee and stares at the clock,
It’s ticking hands seem to laugh and mock,
her doleful eyes are starting to mist,
as she thinks of the bruises made by his fist,

Violently  thrown onto a bed,
pinned down and stifled as if she was dead,
pretends not to feel the hatred and pain,
as her virtue is stolen again and again,

She’s sick of the broken promises and lies,
prays to a God who never replies ,
Its all tucked away where no one can see,
longing for the day that her soul will be free.