Cecelia

Cecelia Jul 2015

You think you can make it Disappear
Lock it up into the highest bell tower, throw way the key;
Erase it- the words from your speech
And pretend it never breathes

By keeping it away, the power grows stronger,
meaner,
But you wouldn't know that.

The girl in the backseat
Wants to eternally leave ,
But you wouldn't know that.

Growing sicker and sicker from the disease,
It's here to stay, It'll never leave
I can hardly breathe!!!!

But you wouldn't know that.
And you don't seem to care to even try to know that.

-cc

-cc
7-21-15

Mar 2015

witchy woman

How To Disappear Completely

No one loves me
I'm not worth a single drop of blood

It would be wasted
If you spilt it for me

And dry your tears
For I'm the only one that has to cry

This time,
So there's no use shedding them for me

Sometimes, I wish I knew
How to disappear completely

So no one would remember my voice
Have no memories with me

I feel like life
Would merrily move along

If I were just simply
Gone
Gone

Gone.

The titles also a radiohead song. But it doesnt seem like a bad idea. Erase everyones memories of me and just leave. Fall back into the everlong seas of black unconcious and then hopefully to the end of time- the extraterrestrial, super inconcievable meaning of life. I believe we find it when we die. I dont even know, I dont think anyone loves me so its about that time.

#depression #illness #anxiety #hope #mental #**** #wish #invisible #bipolar #socialanxiety

Mar 2015

Emma Kolditz Jensen

error 412.

right now there's no air I can't breathe and for once,
it's not because I'm heartbroken. well a part of me is but I learn to live with it. people can learn to live with a lot of broken bones. too many.
I can feel every single bone in my body and break them with a touch even,
if I want to heal. but I like being broken. it kind of feels like sky diving even though I have never,
tried it and I probably never will.

sometimes I like to stab myself just for fun because it feels good. it's a great reminder that some people actually have to stab themselves just to,
stop feeling. a year ago,
one of them was me. now I just laugh and wipe the blood off while my father is yelling at me that I'm gonna die. he tells me that too when he has to buy me a new pack of cigarettes after only 48 hours but what if I don't mind? what if I actually don't mind dying?

(e.k.j.)

#suicide #self #harm #sad #depressed #help #unhappy #suicidal #done #trigger

Cecelia Oct 2014

It's a pretty sad thing

It's a pretty sad thing
Having to try to contain
High Anxiety

It's a pretty sad thing
Having to deal with someone
Far from who you are
At times like these

It's a pretty sad thing
When you loose control of
Every emotion known to man
Yet not know the complete cause

Loosing it. Loosing it completely.
But then I ask,
"Have i ever really had it together completely?"

Self control doesn't exist when these outbreaks occur
My mind wanders from every corner
My heart races
My mind spaces

And I have no one to blame
Not even myself.

It's a pretty sad thing

-cc

-cc ; feeling high anxiety rn

Cecelia Sep 2014

Take Me Away to be with Earth

A beautiful suicide is what I wish to succeed
Let the Earth take me in as it's own.

It's time to leave my lively throne.

-cc

-cc