I want someone
Who can read my eyes
And communicate with them
So that we can share jokes
From across the room
Or alert each other
During emergencies.

I want someone
Who can differentiate my smiles.
Real ones, fake ones
So that even when everyone else
Is fooled,
You won't be.

I need someone
Who can understand
That I'm a complicated,
Contradictory person.
That I may blow hot and cold
But in the end
I'll still love you.

Dull eyes
Dark under-eye rings
Dazed look.

She was tired,
But sleep,
Not even a weekend's worth of it,
Could cure her tiredness.

For she felt hopeless,
Driven to desperation.

Does it make us
Shallow
To read Divergent, Hunger Games
Or The Mortal Instruments?

Does it make us
Shallow
To listen to the latest pop hits,
Whatever's on the radio?

Does it make us
Shallow
To drink Starbucks or Koi,
And post pictures of it?

Does it make us
Shallow
To wear dresses, heels
And girly accessories?

Because I don't think it being shallow means liking popular things.

Small talk, playful banter
Is this flirting?

Gentle touches, eye gazing
Is this intimacy?

Quick glances, endless chasing
Is this serious?

Truth is
I don't know

But I catch myself slightly smiling because of you.

I try to resist.
I'm not giving in to the temptation
Of going back to you again.

You're standing there
Arms seemingly open
Warm smile on your face.

But I know I can't.
I'll come off as clingy, needy,
Desperate.

So I repeat to myself
In the head,
"You can live without him."

Why am I doing this?
Because I know
You'll take my heart
And throw it forcefully onto the ground,
Making it shatter
Into a thousand pieces
Irreparably broken.

Everyone assumes that
Us elite students in top schools
Are hardworking,
Morally upright people.
That we breeze through our work
And live life with a bright smile.

That's what they think.

They don't see
Our late nights, rushing assignments.
Copying each others' work hurriedly in the morning.
Feelings of inferiority, anger and jealousy consume us daily.

We're nothing more
Than ordinary people
Put on high pedestals.

Lately
I've been asking myself
This question:
Do I still love you?

Yes,
My heart still skips a beat
Whenever your name flashes on the screen.
My cheeks still turn red
Whenever our eyes meet.
My lips still curve into a smile
Whenever I think about you,
Which I do.

But do I actually love you?
Or do I simply miss
The memories,
The good times we've had?
Am I holding on to nothing?

Unfortunately
(Or is fortunately?)
I don't know the answers
To these questions.