im throwing away everything
nothing matters anymore
not an inch of sentimentality moves in me
take the black trash bag
i won't even look through the old pictures
all these memories, emotions
there won't be a time for me to reminisce
anyway
look at this broken frame
it cracked where your smile is

just like how the same smile cracked
that lifeless heart within me
a heart that i can't choose to throw
regardless of its dark ***** blackness

*oh light
why wouldn't u enter this crack
am i this much of a piece of trash

Get up girl, don't harm yourself
Dry your salty face
Fix your make-up, grab some clothes
Look for a little change

Go out the door, into the city
Wait on the corner for one's help
Use your big eyes, the sweetest voice
Or be tough and try it yourself

Now find a place with a little peace
Ignore those staring looks
Sit down and light a cigarette
You know what's left to do

Load it, twist it, light it up
Slowly breathe her in
Close your eyes and clear your mind
It's okay to let her win

Don't think about what's happening
For now there's no more pain
You're not really alone, girl
Cause you've still got Mary Jane

Her warmth will fill your body up
Your troubles turn to dust
You think of what your tears were for
But you magicly forgot

Now go home girl and rest your head
It's been a quite hard day
And if tomorrow's harder
There's your secret runaway

3:36 AM
Close the door quietly
You're looking out the window like a flower to the sun
Silent enough to hear the esoteric whispers between mountains
We left our souls on the pavement
And our essence on each other

In the heartbeat she gave me,
would i give all to thee
once more.

You told me that there comes a time where you give up on yourself and when you do, your body gives up on you too. Tell me about the nights you would give anything. Anything to bring them back and see them smile one last time. Tell me about love, who would you call at 4 am when you're broken into so many pieces, you're not sure you can be put back together. Why don't you remember the colour their eyes? Tell me about the day you lay in your bed stealing all the synonyms of 'lonely' out of the thesaurus and writing them all over your body, tell me, who's name is on your mind when you're on the bathroom floor with blood stained arms and throwing up everything they ever said to you.

I wish the traveling circus were still around to run away to. It's not about being afraid to leave as much as it is needing a place to go. But my father was a mountain and my mother was a hole. And we're caves, mouths open and full of the cold. Been sitting so long myths have been made about the things that live inside us. The children come on dares to look in there. And yell in fear, at first only to have those sounds echo back. Then they laugh. There was never anything to be afraid of. Our bodies are full of that noise. Mostly the laughter. It lasts longer. It feels better. But is easier to forget because no one ever learned anything by laughing as much as being brave. You have to be scared to be brave. And moving from this place takes the strength of an earthquake sometimes. But you should know, your hands will never be big enough to hold all the rubble when the mountain crumbles. I remember when the cancer hit. The chest x rays from when they removed the portocath. Backlit, your chest resembles a busted cemetery gate from some ghost scene in a Sherlock Holmes movie. Broken. From letting all your ghosts go. And don't focus on all the things your hands can't hold. Your head fits just fine. Your hand. Cupped over your mouth to catch all your sighs. Can hold a cup of coffee to give to someone. Flowers. A poem. Tonight. Tonight you realize you're a mountain twice removed. A marble statue. So strong and so beautiful people will come a long ways just to see you.