Walking home under street lit lamps
my bitter lips told you to go back.
Anger burning in my eyes you could read
that I didn't want you near me.
Your toothbrush next to mine and
a drawer to call your own.
Sharing the same bed,
with nothing but naked skin and heavy breathing.
I thought love was supposed to be a constant variable in life
but I close my eyes and it's not you that I crave.
I am laced with guilt for not feeling the same,
I want those butterflies I got from kissing you
the first day you came.
You know every curve to my body,
you know how to touch me in the perfect way
and my skin does want you at times
but I still feel vacant.

If your arms are Boston, than I miss home.

I want to start over. I want to feel your eyes on mine. Feel like the moon connected to the tides.

Instead, you could slip through my fingertips at any second. A tide that never comes in once it goes out.

Honey only for my lips, and salt for an after taste. Loving you is a bittersweet thing.

Winter howls,
her fingertips prying
to enter the spiral maze
we attempt to control.

Yet, green eyes between here and how.
Chalkboard road blocks
of reflected memories in painted warped lights.
Rushing winds of passing trains,
run free with wolves.

Ah, but our bones are steady and grounded.

Another's skin could answer
mind riddles
or slur truth, like the lips of bottles.

Houses full of empty people.
Holding their own souls
in vacant palms jars
waiting to learn to trust.

What lonely arms to cherish.

With you, the ground felt solid
like I could pull myself from
this flooding basement, for good.

Skin drenched,
slippery shaking freezing skin.
You stretched your hands out,
held me till I grew warm.

The waves swelled
the surface grew rough.
With my finger tied to yours
you cut them loose,
left me to drown in myself.

How silly of me-
to think that I could flourish
in someone else's chest
when I can't stand
being trapped in my own.

Silly, silly, stupid girl.
You will always be alone.

Nicotine words slide from your
sly smile and cunning tongue
through gaps of my teeth
cutting my throat like fiberglass
as I swallow.

It's worth the high the pain will give me,
sinking into your sandstone trap.
Those nostalgic feelings
of maroon Mercedes rides to the liquor store
with the wondering eyes of an older guy.
I wish I had known you better.

That was three summers ago, and today
your name doesn't have the same
******* feeling when it's said.
Now old enough to buy my own poison
at the liquor store, its no longer
your lips that I purchase to
get drunk off of.

We are the universe, can't you see
that we only create black holes
and matters of dark energy?

Star-crossed lovers
that gave ourselves
false hope and reassuring words
to feed off of.

We are the stars working
against our own relationship.
Foolishly tripping over our own feet.
While scaring our own wrists,
old practices of middle school days.
Bad habits to partake in.
(Shouldn't we have learned this already?)

Addicts trying to quit
but it's difficult
to see clearly when our skin touches.

Tasting you again is poison
and I know this
because you still haven't
learned to listen,
and I haven't
grown out of being a stubborn *****.

The august rain will fall
marking the end of summer
and the leaves will change colors.

And you and I burning stars,
will fade in the ever changing night sky.

Wide eyes when I enter
into the dim lit porch.
As usual you were hiding
in the corner drink in hand.
Was it the past
that broke your palms
so now you don’t extend them?
Cracked ribs
beneath the cotton you wear-
everyone lives in fear
of skinned knees and bruised elbows.
What would your skin
reveal if it was marked
with my red lipstick,
like the necks of bottles
or my morning cigarette.
From the lavender dreams I live in
dawn always shines the brightest
and reminds me
that I will never know how your vertebrates
came to be.

- C.K

You're drunk
I'm sober.
This conversation is so much fun.
You type so many words and feelings.
I barley have to reply.
This conversation is so true and pure.
You tell me all your grudges for people I don't know.
You tell me how much you like me,
And some how I believe you more then ever.
You spill your life goals to me and your fears.
This is who you are.
Ten messages at once.
I'm sober.
You're drunk.

Take your knife and cut it into me deeply,
watch me bleed,
hear me scream.
I'm hurting as much as you are,
I'm sorry I had to leave.
But I've moved on.
I like you too much.
Self taught years ago to expect nothing in return,
Best way to not hurt at the end of the day.
People don't really care,
especially boys,
Learned that from the man of my house.
Tell me you do.
Tell me how you want to go out,
then tell me how all these girls are really cute,
but trust me I don't care,
I don't get jealous.
I care about you the amount you care about me,
Which isn't much, take away my body and it's nothing.
I'm the mirror image.
I'm not sure how to send you the message,
words always are messy.
& I don't want to stab you anymore then I already have my eyes,
I have to be nice.
I shouldn't be the one,
But I could.
I want you to listen, to care about the words I have to share.
I sit here alone and I can't breath,
these walls are closing in on me.
You are going to ignore me now,
Which is expected and only proves how right my judgement is.
I want to feel the pain of my mind and heart,
across my arms,
or maybe on a long tortures run.
But then you text me and say you're coming over,
and I smile that half smile that you bring out.
*You've proven me wrong.

Let's play a game,
with these red and white bicycle cards.
With our hands intertwined,
let's create the frame for a home,
of hearts and good intentions.
All the faces where on the inside,
eyes open with nothing to hide.
Let's create this house for our paper bodies,
filled with our paper love,
created from the one look spark,
our glass hearts couldn't contain the heat, so
love destroyed us.
Pick through the ashes
only bones, a skeleton of what we were,
gray powder on the ground that covers the roses.
Nothing left but the look of death in her eyes.
They said she changed after that.
They said she stares at herself in the mirrors of glass.
They say it's because she doesn't just see herself.
He's the the dark blue lines that bleed into her pupils,
he's in her veins.
Deep blue water that flowed free is now frozen,
but when she is alone with the mirrors
she isn't cold anymore.

Shallow breathing along with
lazy dew between your lids.
Finger tips leading me between
blue flowers, bones and sheep.
Barley open,
can you see me?
Late laundry deducted time from slumber.
Craving only to lay down
and match my breath with your heartbeat.
To be secure in your exhales of morning rest melody.
Tears and tobacco followed soon after,
medicine for leaving.
Pain of wanting to swallow my pride along with yours.
But fleeing from wrong feelings,
only made it worse.
Tumble dry in the salty sea breeze that
follows the silk shower of disappointment.
Do you see me through your slumber drenched eyes,
gassed up and driving in the direction of failure fears?

Mother moon are you tired from looking down upon us?
Tired of kissing the same stars to your left and right.
Glowing just as pale white as the moon and
the milk that the kittens drink.
I want a new view.
A new room full of people I don't know,
new puzzles to figure out and
new fitting pieces to find.
I'm still searching.
Understand why the moon could go missing
from the night sky, for
everyone needs to see things in new ways,
I want to search the whole sky before I stay.

Chestnut skin, clear as coffee with a splash of cream.
Black locks pulled back into a bun lazily,
Low scooped neck t-shirt,
Exposing your skin and defined collar bones.
I'm sure your attire was on purposes and planned.
To show off, what your lover could create by kissing your frame.
Who is it, that left those spotted red dots on your chest?
Was it a lover, for a night?
Or a long time boyfriend?
Is that what you wanted, low shirt with hair tied back,
For people to question what you did in last nights darkness?
Because its working.
Envious that I have to hide my own love,
safe under my sweatshirt,
scared of the judgment filled eye of strangers.

1.You were my first love, I will never forget that summer. With the boy who always wore a Rockstar SnapBack and taught me how to skateboard. I told you I wanted to see your best friend. That was first time feeling my heart break while bleeding regret. I cried to mayday parade every night after. A few years later you chatted me and asked if you could be my first kiss. I'm glad you weren't. We haven't talked since and you can't be my first everything.
2. You were a rebel. You asked me to run away with you; we planed our escape to the mountains. You wanted to kiss me after you walked me home in the snow. I remember how cold my feet were in my converse. I ran away before our lips met. I didn't want you to take stars from my eyes like I knew you would. Somehow years later, you are still stuck in the same town while I ran 2,000 miles away to the mountains.
3. There was distance between us. But you always drove to my house in your beloved red Mazda. I wanted to like you as much as you liked me. You were the only guy to ever buy me flowers; they died just like us. I told you I couldn't be with you anymore; I know I broke your heart.
4. I swear you were fate. My judgement was cloudy from all the drugs you always had to give. I wanted to mend your life, I wanted to be your glue. But I realized I was just as broken but in different ways. As much as we wanted, we couldn't piece the other one back together with our shattered hands. I'm just ****** you can say you took my virginity. I hope it hurts every time you hear my name.
5. I never saw this coming. You were a Junior and I was a freshmen. You stole my first kiss; somehow I never forgot how your lips tasted. You were out of my league but you fell for me. I convinced myself it was just a summer fling. While you were saying goodbye to summer, I was boarding a plane. At the terminal you whispered you loved me. Now, you are the only one I can see myself with.

How is it possible,

to be afraid of a monster when there is nothing there?


But it is real,

It is the pain that I feel and the uncertainty for a future near.

They dig their ***** claws into my flesh when I'm doing my best.

Maybe it helps to fall from the pedestal of life and not become hubris.

But now I'm stressed.



You tell me not to worry, that my fears are nothing when I'm with you.

You can't save me, and I can't save you.

But some how your fragile white lies are comfort to hear.

They drown out the gnawing of their claws in my ears.

I'm so scared to lose you but I can see the end coming.

We both have separate paths to follow when the summer sun sets.

But right now, you can have me, at least for a few more minuets.

I'm just as inconsistent as the weather men are for New England,
From a sunny day that suddenly turn to rain,
From a rainy week to snow and sleet,
You can only rely on how unreliable they will be
for telling the future forecast of this up coming week.

And here I am
explaining to you how you put
people in your sky who aren't stars.
Here I am curing at you
and making you feel like ****.
And there you are hoisting me up
and placing me in your heavens
and ending our conversation with,
I love you and I will
Forever.

Someone align
the stars of my chest.
Help me know how
to get from point A to point B.
Put me out of the waiting motion sickness
lost in the midnight darkness-
I can’t find the way home
without your hands as the North Star.

maybe ill be here
when both of us are miles away
and our bedrooms are empty.

maybe ill still be here
when you are sad and realized nothing has changed
that all the girls you are will today will be gone tomorrow

maybe ill be here
or maybe ill be gone

far away

and maybe ill not want to talk when you are sad
because I've tried to talk
and you haven't listened

its because maybe you are the one who is gone.
I just need to let go.

Blue mountains secure my skin.
Veins stretched with dismal flowers
sprouting, covering this internal land.
Anchored toes to the horizon waves,
which are now these sculpted silhouette peaks.
Blind in the darkness,
with nothing but your hand to guide mine
back home; to the ocean of your eyes.
Late night stars with us underneath, lay me to sleep.
Early morning warmth; from your body against mine.
My head nuzzled next to your kind skin,
arms wrapped around your back.
I fit perfectly on your left side,
you could be the missing piece,
as I listen to your soothing heartbeat.
Because of you,
Waking up with a smile is more addicting
then Starbucks coffee on my lips.
The sky is vacant with diamonds when I look up.
Shooting stars have fallen to the ground,
illuminating across the city skyline.
No longer underneath the same veil of moonlight.
Shivers infest my spine,
I want to surrender to your warmth and wake up with a smile.

Guilty words slip
from her lips as
the glass slipper
shatters at her toes.
While yours,
finely skilled
slither between her hips
snake their way
to her heart and
pull strings connected.

She has choked on
these condescending thorns
weaving through the holes and
arteriole walls;
slowly killing her,
as smoke fills his head blind.

She took a bite of
the forbidden fruit,
while mystery tempos
flowed from fingertips;
his tongue
grew different voice roots,
they were studded
flowers of good intentions.

As the whitewashed winter cleared,
she rips all weeds
from this ribbed caged Crimson clay.
Free from the deterioration
of broken backbone promises.

Yet blind eyes stare at the
spring cleaned garden
and ask where the weeds went,
why she didn't keep them?
She answers with a deep breath
simply without choking on chains.

We gather our bones and piece them together
in hopes that sleep will cast over us quicker.
Across the sheets of making noises-
a dance of silently lying to the other.
Swallow down the awkward conversation
with coffee questioned how I took it.
A handful of brown packets in attempt
to make this morning taste less bitter.

Summer mind falls inside
the body of the winter bed
Shiver from fall sneezes
creates charcoal spines to cringe.

Coffee doesn't linger the same
to far from the sea lips love
and the lost feeling of home
ocean life gone.

Hands caught searching
the vast golden home sky.

For no platinum fingers create
lasting impressions
upon your scarlet moon lips.
Embracing the wrong warmth.
Blame the lonely, ice cherry center.

Eyes tell long maybes,
the heart bleeds swords
skin remembers craving
burning fingers.

Tailwind hands
follow paper white
soul sheets,
darkness pulls
star trusted breath from
locked lungs.

You're bold eyes left words
your quite hands couldn't say.

I belong in these pages
Of the books on my shelf.
I try to find the answers in the words printed on the paper.
I try to prepare myself.

I belong behind the words that I write,
The stories and characters they transform into.
I search for the answers through art.

I belong at family dinners.
With my mom, my brother and dog.
Together as one.

They are my compass.
Guiding me on.

Now,
I travel across the waters alone.

I try to navigate through the fog.

My parents warnings and lessons sing as lullabies,
That play softly in the whistling wind.

They aren't my map,
They can't guide me anymore.

I have this boat around me.
But the choppy waves never stop.
They batter the hull.
As salty sea crashes over.
I take in gulps of ocean as I try

To navigate my way back to shore.

I'm not your little girl.
I will not tremble as you raise your voice.
I can see rage as it
runs through your veins.
They show in your neck as
you scream in my ear,
that I need to respect you
because you are my father.

I feel no fear,
I know who you are.

You take providing for your family as control.
Am I  supposed to respect you because you own my soul?
You are the teacher of disappointment.
To get respect you must earn it.

So *******, No.
I'm not going to change my attitude.

You begin to feel lonely
living in an empty house,
that is not four walls
but two eyes and lungs.
Vacant stomach full
of whiskey to **** the demons
dormant in your cells.

You fight her ghost
until 3am.
Driven by
your drunken stupor,
you call her.

Your dial tone
is just as detrimental to her
as hearing your voice.
But you call her anyways
trying to make yourself less sick.

You hold all the things she gave you
to your chest as you put the
phone down
and her voice-mail
plays in the background.

You think of the hope
that was in your eyes
when she looked at you
and saw forever,
replay the image and wishing
it would be there tomorrow.

Too selfish to let go,
so you still haven't returned her veins
that you have embedded into your own.

Those things of hers you guard
are parts of her soul.
But,
she has learned to replace
those parts you stole
with feeling indifference.

You call her again
blind to the scars
you have caused to her heart
because your own hands
are lush and green
from the energy of others.

You've,
depleted her of everything
and left a skeleton,
yet you have the audacity
to ask her
for her bones also.

Her voice-mail plays
over again.
As you try to fall asleep
with her ghost.

I should have said it louder
so you would have understood
and your I'm sorry's mean nothing.
I should have pushed you further
But my bones were weak and hollow,
my veins were submersed in wine,
and the wall was so close.
Stolen in the twilight,
a few stars from my eyes.
They should have been closed,
locked away from your greedy palms.
Awoke with regret,
and a sinking chest.
Disgusted by the body I lay against.
So from under the bed
I grabbed my brown boots.
Without saying more then two words,
walked away from you.
Dressed in the outfit from the night before,
the walk back to my room never felt so long.
Walked up the stairs,
undressed from the sweaty mess.
Turned the *** and watched as
water poured out along with sliver steam.
Head first, so quiet and safe.
Like the one who is miles away.
I pulled my heart string
I heard yours beating in reply.
I remembered that
I was all yours,
and only yours.

I'm so lucky
to have you.

Baby show me what home feels like.
This frozen town has never felt warm to me.
It's hard for me to stay.
When people think they know my name
from meeting my eyes once.
Think they know my story because
they heard my name whispered on walls
or maybe not at all.
No matter how many sugars I add,
this town will always
taste bitter between my lips.

Aurora glow created from
the fallen stars at our tiptoes.
Dipped in the dark waters
that hugged our pale bodies.
Dive into the fountain of youth,
the kaleidoscope of colors.
I lost my balance in the depth
of your ocean eyes; I drowned.
Drunk, craving the taste of your
peppermint tongue.
I fell in love.

And I realized
with burning cheeks
with my head
above water again,
lungs full of air.
My life vest for
when the sea is
over whelming.
When the shore
is to far to swim.
I realized
when you grabbed
my faded blue
porcelain skin
and the flash
of my life
you drew me in,
between
life and death,
I realized,
that I need you,
So much more than
you need me.
I'm okay with that
as long as you
never outgrow me.

Without you here
I'm homesick.
I can feel you fading
from my skin.

pulling you out of my seams
only to stitch myself up again.
tell me how to live off of my own nectar
when it's your honey I crave.
the body feels pain
but forgets it so quickly.
that's why while running to you
i'm never scared to skin my knees again.

& Some how,
you have surprised me yet again.

I believe the meek words-
paper thin from your lying lips.
Those I should set aflame
with my burning tears.

You have taught me to only
trust myself.
I should know this by now.

Your daggers and swords
the ones that slowly **** me.
Are utilized to add scars-
next to the ones from years before.

One Bullet is all I need,
but I'm not wasting it on myself.
For the demons should die before angels.

My last name,
forever following me.
Until I find a man who will be,
so much more then
what you could ever be.

Please don't ask me if I'm from Tennessee.
I don't want to hear its because I'm the only ten you see.

But if like my friend, and you were creative with them.
Maybe they would work.
"If you were a ski trail you would be a green circle because you're easy."
Or
"I'm wasted. But this ****** in my pocket doesn't have to be. "

Okay so probably not, but maybe she would laugh and maybe if he complemented her after,
she would shed layers and they could crawl under sheets together.

But no girl has so Travis I'm sorry to say,
Pick up lines don't work, that's why you're still a ******.

Feeling anonymous in their eyes
Searching their face for familiar traces,
Incognito to their judgment,
As you pass on the sidewalk.
Foreign to street names and
Where they lead to,
Free to get lost in the abyss.
The night lights substitute for a compass,
As we walk hand and hand.
All contained under the cosmic splattered tar.
The anonymous urban life,
We belong,
Falling into each others heart beats,
And the hum of the traffic beneath our heads
As we float into a dreamland.

Allow me to remind you,
that the sunrises are always
the most beautiful
when you are awake to see them.
Take value in those bewitching
fabrics of clutter, you wrap
your walls with.
For you are a skeleton;
empty and translucent.
There are no diamonds in your eyes
no sparks of fire when you laugh
because you are hollow bones,
marrow ****** dry.
Oh how my eyes deceived me
when we first met.
I think it was all of those
inflatables you bought me,
so I would also rest
on your surface.

I fled to the bathroom.
Only to be reminded of
our first night together.
Your gentle hands
lifting me on the counter.
Intoxicating kissing
flush cheeks,
with shower steam
cloaked behind us.
I unhooked my bra,
and climbed into bed.
Half expecting you to be there
waiting for me,
like how you did
when I got home from class.
I wanted to be able to count
the stars on your skin.
I can't seem to fall asleep
without being beneath
your heaven.

We met between lipstick stained
beer bottles on the blue fabric sofa.

Struggling to hide the reasons for splinters and chapped lips,
fear slides over my tongue as I started to split open again.

Warning signs hang from her neck
of the broken heart clogging the kitchen sink,

he'll follow the footprints of others
through the broken glass without a glance. (Keep yourself safe)

But then, Saturday night in the dimly lit stairway,
you tell me to take my time,

not everyone is the same.
You would wait and prove it to me.

You kissed my scars and gave me band-aids
for the cuts, that hadn't quite healed yet.

It's been five months since I've felt like I'm drowning,
and you're the reason I can breathe again.

It's not the voices of my head
that keep me up til three am.
But my seemingly sincere
******* heart chanting;
he was worth it,
but you didn't give him a chance.
You locked all your gates
and never let him in.
Look at what you have done,
made yourself lonely and sad.
For what?
You lost another
beautiful face, says my head,
but you have never lost a beautiful soul
and that's the difference.