If I could extract the
evergreen envy from
the eyes of friends.
I would paint it between the lines
of the Sugar Maple tree limbs.

Tainted red orange leaves
of such trees is the end
of the sweet summer pollen.

For the apricot forests
and chilled mornings,
dipped into pumpkin spice lattes-
Leaves me knowing that
the everlasting sunsets
that we once held
is slipping through the cracks,
of our now frozen fingertips
and chapped lips.

From tank tops to
sweaters with holes
that my thumbs peek through,
as I grasp my tea where
the warmth of
your hands should be.

Traded midnight blues eyes I fell into
and engulfed in the beautiful galaxy
that was hidden behind Ray-Bans.
To blank stares that I've learned to trust
but they don't glisten like us.

Can I please,
fish through my purse once more,
aimlessly wander the street corner,
dig between cushions
and hear the click of the hours reloading
as I fill it with orphan coins
and rewind?

Broken bones
of weak kneed boys scattered
in eyes of great empires.

Exploring forbidden roman ruins
sacred grounds of turmoil history.
Going to bed won't be easy
if I cause another casualty.

Words of my mother explain
for the fallen cathedrals.
Expectations were too grand
and so they crumbled.

Steps should be
calculated and careful.
My words should be
soft spoken,
to blanket heads in flowers;
she instructed.

My heavy footsteps are
to blame for fallen bricks.
My words, bees
that sting from passion wings.

As I explore broken bones
of the weak kneed boy sanctioned
in fallen empire sleep.

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.

Allow me to run my hands
over your muscles again
trace the outline of
the beautiful landscape.
Travel them with ****** eyes
like the first night
we held each other close
on my mothers cream couch.
I want you the same way.
Even though times are changing
and I am confident
that I am strong solo.
I am whole
when I'm with you.

I need a night time ride with you
along the sinking ebony tree trunks
outlined in the moons smile,
escorted by the dark ripples
caped with the milky moonshine kisses.

Comforted by those reassuring words
sent from your lips, and the warmth
from intertwined fingers.
We were transparent,  blank canvases
painted by fingertip stardust.

Tell me,
that my tear glossed eyes;
some how visible to you,
through the crystal display;
are to be wiped away, erased,
for they are not needed.
You will be my everything.

With my heart tucked behind my ear
through the whispers from the rustling leaves
it cries, you have seen this before.

You have seen me break.
Ooze down your neck and
trickle down each vertebrae from the
unkind hands of others.
Be gentle to me.

For I have fallen for you, could it be that?
Could I be your wishing star you laid eyes on
in an infinitely jewel embedded sky?

Once your lips first dampen my skin,
You become the soaking rain, seeping in.
Your kisses pour over my face, drowning me in love.
Oh Rain, don't leave me.

You are the summer breeze through my shades,
tangled fiercely by the wind, warming me,
waking me, breathing me in.
Oh Summer Breeze, don't leave me.

You are the ocean melody in the dark of night,
with only stars to detract me from drowning
in the sea of your voice, my heart beat by your waves.
Oh Ocean Melody, don't leave me.

You are the last Marlboro Red
dragged into my lungs, no longer burning,
my blood clean once again.
Marlboro Red, I'm saying goodbye, it's time to quit.

Your bitter words make me
want to burn my tongue with tar.
It won't be these cigarettes that **** me-
but my family's words.

With your breath heavy from whiskey
you were never good after drinking a bottle.
Hot tears fall as you tell me to grow up.
I can't.

I keep
crushing my sunflowers in my palm.
Bleeding yellow and green earth
through white knuckles.
A gold that once littered our bedroom floor
between the articles of clothing.

I keep
praying for rain to quench the soil
but there's only deathly heat.
Apologies to the gods go unheard.

No one wants to listen to a girl crying
that her flowers are dead from the doing of her own hands.

Scars on my arms
the ones I told you
were from the cats,
where to prevent those thoughts
from coming back.
But my demons
are starting to visit me more
during the day,
and it's so hard to hide
in sunlight.
I want to reach into my chest
and remove my heart,
but the shards stab me
I'm a danger to myself.
I want to rip
everything cased behind
my ribs with my finger tips.
I want to be empty
so there is nothing
left to destroy.
It's harder now,
to swallow down
the parts of myself
I can't seem to stomach.
I'm disintegrating
from the inside out.

Her hands are almost empty.
Her bouquet is not as bountiful
as it once was.
She has begun to hand out
her roses, as if they were mere daisies.
All that is left, are the throes
lasting impressions
upon her milk skin.
Time ago, she would have never allowed
for so many roses to be missing.
She craves the tender hands
whom watered her
and allowed blossoming
to appear in front of their eyes.
Before she held her ground,
roots as strong as the
ancient willow tree.
This time, she allowed
the poison of her own fears
to destroy the web she carefully constructed.
For the game she wanted to keep
was not going to get caught
in the same beauties.
Tears slide down her cheek
past her rosy lips,
the death of such a beautiful soul.
For maybe her own eyes
are the pair that
are able to properly
worship the fallen petals.

our love could be a different kind of beautiful.
one where we don't raise our voices to hear each other.
one where we only want the best for each other.
one where that can make it past a sea of land dividing our hands.
one where we buy a house on the west side,
so we can watch the sun slip into the arms of the sea each night.
one where we miss out on.
one where I never forget you,
and you never forget me.
our love could be the one that is forever.

We picked at each other like scabs.
Now all that's left are scars.

Snow turned into water
As clothes were shed
skin seen more often.
I lived amongst
Palm trees and clouds of smoke paradise
Returned to the mountains
found your lips no longer called for mine.
I asked you to tell me why
you reassured me not to worry.
Sunscreen perfume
ray-ban eyes.
Your skin a ghost,
your scent
cleaned from my sheets.
I don’t know the color of you eyes
I don’t know what
Your laugh sounds like
And you will fade
More with the seasons.

January fluttered by like the
'I love you’s' caught in her throat.
Cigarette embers of white smoke
shed on the coat tails of winter.
The morning frost licks her broken chest cavities
as blood bubbled across your wooden floor.
Warping wood of collapsing ceilings
crushed the life you sparked inside-
splinters too deep to pull.
I've never been a simple creature-
anxiously stirring in a silent house.
I want to tell you how I feel.
Compose it into a mellow tune
I want it to be soft and beautiful.
I hope we will meet under
the yellow kitchen light again.
But maybe,
you're gone forever.

It could have been him.
Same tie dyed shirt
mixed with the smoke of
cannabus.
I loved him.
Isn't that why my heart fluttered
at the sight?
He was everything
I didn't want to be.
The dark side of my moon.
But during twilight
the bright side is only visible.

The warmth of the hearth,
Invites you to come out of your shell.

Waves sweep over skin tone grains.
Rolled in the current of sweet sweat,
Green seaweed sheets tangle our legs.

White shows,
as shy pearls are exposed.
You wear them the best between coal ribbon.
Caps of a dress
drowning blue bones,
Falls to the shore.

Embrace in her nourishment.
Drag your nails across the valley of pale dirt.
Plant a trail of pink hearts close to hers.
Stain her soil with your blood,
Under the rain of gold.

Lets create colors in oil
On these blank canvas bodies
of earth.

We have made mistakes before in the past,
I hope thorns don't grow from them in the future.
I hope to only see roses in our garden.
I want to throw up all my worries,
I can't hold them down any longer.
I've always been so scared,
and you know that.
But I'm just looking out for myself I hope you understand.
One night is all it takes,
I let my needs take over and stop the worries momentarily.
My guard was down,
And I still felt secure with you.
You were my confidence and you took away my torture.
The bed was so inviting and so was the skin that you wear.
I wanted to be soaked in y(our) sweat,
and to float in y(our) panting.
You dance your fingers up and down my spine,
They cause goose bumps to follow behind.
They exposed my fear that still lingered under my skin,
but I still let you in.
Nothing could be better then having you by my side.
What if at the end of the song that we are singing together
doesn't get to be on repeat because the audience isn't
calling for an encore.
No more melody to caress me to sleep because your touch
will be gone.
I keep my door locked on the inside
because I don't want you to leave,
and my dear I've swollowed the key.
Maybe we are trapped in this pool of
mixed emotions, battle of us versus them.
And the future can only tell who will win.
A perfect then doesn't always make for a perfect now.
No pill could **** all the worries I feel.

One a.m the moonshine air is as warm and comforting,
as the shirt that holds your essence.
She wanders through the fingers of the anonymous city.
Arms wide open in her twilight embrace,
engulfed by her welcoming whispers to home.

The lights are so new the cities voices so loud,
your world is silent. I can't sleep alone,
for the haunting thought of your hands
being filled is always present.

Surrounded by a foreign sea with rocks
and shoals of question marks and pauses.
I can't float much longer. I plead for you
to pull me from these tides. But then
I would be hoping for the hopeless.

As I cross the railroad tracks, I hold my breath.
I don't want anymore bad days, that cause
these rusty wounds etched down my cheeks.

Helplessly gazing into the eyes of the the stars for clarity.
Content in silence, I should just float,
with no strings left for me to pull
as these city lights guide me home.

Watching in the distance,
a dove wading in the water.
Goosebumps crawled
and infested her skin.
Stubborn to dive in,
Growing numb.
Gradually the clear sky turned gray
still you stayed.
Waiting as the ocean
mirrored the same color.
She dipped her tangerine beak first.
And leisurely,
white gold foam on his surface sunk.
And together,
With the moon shine passage across his back,
covered in the blanket of dusk,
accompanied by
the freedom of the quiet crickets chirping.
Calmly they curved with the current
and swam away into the horizon.