We have made mistakes before in the past,
I hope thorns don't grow from them in the future.
I hope to only see roses in our garden.
I want to throw up all my worries,
I can't hold them down any longer.
I've always been so scared,
and you know that.
But I'm just looking out for myself I hope you understand.
One night is all it takes,
I let my needs take over and stop the worries momentarily.
My guard was down,
And I still felt secure with you.
You were my confidence and you took away my torture.
The bed was so inviting and so was the skin that you wear.
I wanted to be soaked in y(our) sweat,
and to float in y(our) panting.
You dance your fingers up and down my spine,
They cause goose bumps to follow behind.
They exposed my fear that still lingered under my skin,
but I still let you in.
Nothing could be better then having you by my side.
What if at the end of the song that we are singing together
doesn't get to be on repeat because the audience isn't
calling for an encore.
No more melody to caress me to sleep because your touch
will be gone.
I keep my door locked on the inside
because I don't want you to leave,
and my dear I've swollowed the key.
Maybe we are trapped in this pool of
mixed emotions, battle of us versus them.
And the future can only tell who will win.
A perfect then doesn't always make for a perfect now.
No pill could **** all the worries I feel.

Blue mountains secure my skin.
Veins stretched with dismal flowers
sprouting, covering this internal land.
Anchored toes to the horizon waves,
which are now these sculpted silhouette peaks.
Blind in the darkness,
with nothing but your hand to guide mine
back home; to the ocean of your eyes.
Late night stars with us underneath, lay me to sleep.
Early morning warmth; from your body against mine.
My head nuzzled next to your kind skin,
arms wrapped around your back.
I fit perfectly on your left side,
you could be the missing piece,
as I listen to your soothing heartbeat.
Because of you,
Waking up with a smile is more addicting
then Starbucks coffee on my lips.
The sky is vacant with diamonds when I look up.
Shooting stars have fallen to the ground,
illuminating across the city skyline.
No longer underneath the same veil of moonlight.
Shivers infest my spine,
I want to surrender to your warmth and wake up with a smile.

Take your knife and cut it into me deeply,
watch me bleed,
hear me scream.
I'm hurting as much as you are,
I'm sorry I had to leave.
But I've moved on.
I like you too much.
Self taught years ago to expect nothing in return,
Best way to not hurt at the end of the day.
People don't really care,
especially boys,
Learned that from the man of my house.
Tell me you do.
Tell me how you want to go out,
then tell me how all these girls are really cute,
but trust me I don't care,
I don't get jealous.
I care about you the amount you care about me,
Which isn't much, take away my body and it's nothing.
I'm the mirror image.
I'm not sure how to send you the message,
words always are messy.
& I don't want to stab you anymore then I already have my eyes,
I have to be nice.
I shouldn't be the one,
But I could.
I want you to listen, to care about the words I have to share.
I sit here alone and I can't breath,
these walls are closing in on me.
You are going to ignore me now,
Which is expected and only proves how right my judgement is.
I want to feel the pain of my mind and heart,
across my arms,
or maybe on a long tortures run.
But then you text me and say you're coming over,
and I smile that half smile that you bring out.
*You've proven me wrong.

If I could extract the
evergreen envy from
the eyes of friends.
I would paint it between the lines
of the Sugar Maple tree limbs.

Tainted red orange leaves
of such trees is the end
of the sweet summer pollen.

For the apricot forests
and chilled mornings,
dipped into pumpkin spice lattes-
Leaves me knowing that
the everlasting sunsets
that we once held
is slipping through the cracks,
of our now frozen fingertips
and chapped lips.

From tank tops to
sweaters with holes
that my thumbs peek through,
as I grasp my tea where
the warmth of
your hands should be.

Traded midnight blues eyes I fell into
and engulfed in the beautiful galaxy
that was hidden behind Ray-Bans.
To blank stares that I've learned to trust
but they don't glisten like us.

Can I please,
fish through my purse once more,
aimlessly wander the street corner,
dig between cushions
and hear the click of the hours reloading
as I fill it with orphan coins
and rewind?

Your bitter words make me
want to burn my tongue with tar.
It won't be these cigarettes that **** me-
but my family's words.

With your breath heavy from whiskey
you were never good after drinking a bottle.
Hot tears fall as you tell me to grow up.
I can't.

I keep
crushing my sunflowers in my palm.
Bleeding yellow and green earth
through white knuckles.
A gold that once littered our bedroom floor
between the articles of clothing.

I keep
praying for rain to quench the soil
but there's only deathly heat.
Apologies to the gods go unheard.

No one wants to listen to a girl crying
that her flowers are dead from the doing of her own hands.

One a.m the moonshine air is as warm and comforting,
as the shirt that holds your essence.
She wanders through the fingers of the anonymous city.
Arms wide open in her twilight embrace,
engulfed by her welcoming whispers to home.

The lights are so new the cities voices so loud,
your world is silent. I can't sleep alone,
for the haunting thought of your hands
being filled is always present.

Surrounded by a foreign sea with rocks
and shoals of question marks and pauses.
I can't float much longer. I plead for you
to pull me from these tides. But then
I would be hoping for the hopeless.

As I cross the railroad tracks, I hold my breath.
I don't want anymore bad days, that cause
these rusty wounds etched down my cheeks.

Helplessly gazing into the eyes of the the stars for clarity.
Content in silence, I should just float,
with no strings left for me to pull
as these city lights guide me home.

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.

I need a night time ride with you
along the sinking ebony tree trunks
outlined in the moons smile,
escorted by the dark ripples
caped with the milky moonshine kisses.

Comforted by those reassuring words
sent from your lips, and the warmth
from intertwined fingers.
We were transparent,  blank canvases
painted by fingertip stardust.

Tell me,
that my tear glossed eyes;
some how visible to you,
through the crystal display;
are to be wiped away, erased,
for they are not needed.
You will be my everything.

With my heart tucked behind my ear
through the whispers from the rustling leaves
it cries, you have seen this before.

You have seen me break.
Ooze down your neck and
trickle down each vertebrae from the
unkind hands of others.
Be gentle to me.

For I have fallen for you, could it be that?
Could I be your wishing star you laid eyes on
in an infinitely jewel embedded sky?

Let's play a game,
with these red and white bicycle cards.
With our hands intertwined,
let's create the frame for a home,
of hearts and good intentions.
All the faces where on the inside,
eyes open with nothing to hide.
Let's create this house for our paper bodies,
filled with our paper love,
created from the one look spark,
our glass hearts couldn't contain the heat, so
love destroyed us.
Pick through the ashes
only bones, a skeleton of what we were,
gray powder on the ground that covers the roses.
Nothing left but the look of death in her eyes.
They said she changed after that.
They said she stares at herself in the mirrors of glass.
They say it's because she doesn't just see herself.
He's the the dark blue lines that bleed into her pupils,
he's in her veins.
Deep blue water that flowed free is now frozen,
but when she is alone with the mirrors
she isn't cold anymore.

Allow me to run my hands
over your muscles again
trace the outline of
the beautiful landscape.
Travel them with ****** eyes
like the first night
we held each other close
on my mothers cream couch.
I want you the same way.
Even though times are changing
and I am confident
that I am strong solo.
I am whole
when I'm with you.

Her hands are almost empty.
Her bouquet is not as bountiful
as it once was.
She has begun to hand out
her roses, as if they were mere daisies.
All that is left, are the throes
lasting impressions
upon her milk skin.
Time ago, she would have never allowed
for so many roses to be missing.
She craves the tender hands
whom watered her
and allowed blossoming
to appear in front of their eyes.
Before she held her ground,
roots as strong as the
ancient willow tree.
This time, she allowed
the poison of her own fears
to destroy the web she carefully constructed.
For the game she wanted to keep
was not going to get caught
in the same beauties.
Tears slide down her cheek
past her rosy lips,
the death of such a beautiful soul.
For maybe her own eyes
are the pair that
are able to properly
worship the fallen petals.

Shallow breathing along with
lazy dew between your lids.
Finger tips leading me between
blue flowers, bones and sheep.
Barley open,
can you see me?
Late laundry deducted time from slumber.
Craving only to lay down
and match my breath with your heartbeat.
To be secure in your exhales of morning rest melody.
Tears and tobacco followed soon after,
medicine for leaving.
Pain of wanting to swallow my pride along with yours.
But fleeing from wrong feelings,
only made it worse.
Tumble dry in the salty sea breeze that
follows the silk shower of disappointment.
Do you see me through your slumber drenched eyes,
gassed up and driving in the direction of failure fears?

I'm not your little girl.
I will not tremble as you raise your voice.
I can see rage as it
runs through your veins.
They show in your neck as
you scream in my ear,
that I need to respect you
because you are my father.

I feel no fear,
I know who you are.

You take providing for your family as control.
Am I  supposed to respect you because you own my soul?
You are the teacher of disappointment.
To get respect you must earn it.

So *******, No.
I'm not going to change my attitude.

Someone align
the stars of my chest.
Help me know how
to get from point A to point B.
Put me out of the waiting motion sickness
lost in the midnight darkness-
I can’t find the way home
without your hands as the North Star.

Watching in the distance,
a dove wading in the water.
Goosebumps crawled
and infested her skin.
Stubborn to dive in,
Growing numb.
Gradually the clear sky turned gray
still you stayed.
Waiting as the ocean
mirrored the same color.
She dipped her tangerine beak first.
And leisurely,
white gold foam on his surface sunk.
And together,
With the moon shine passage across his back,
covered in the blanket of dusk,
accompanied by
the freedom of the quiet crickets chirping.
Calmly they curved with the current
and swam away into the horizon.

Summer mind falls inside
the body of the winter bed
Shiver from fall sneezes
creates charcoal spines to cringe.

Coffee doesn't linger the same
to far from the sea lips love
and the lost feeling of home
ocean life gone.

Hands caught searching
the vast golden home sky.

For no platinum fingers create
lasting impressions
upon your scarlet moon lips.
Embracing the wrong warmth.
Blame the lonely, ice cherry center.

Eyes tell long maybes,
the heart bleeds swords
skin remembers craving
burning fingers.

Tailwind hands
follow paper white
soul sheets,
darkness pulls
star trusted breath from
locked lungs.

You're bold eyes left words
your quite hands couldn't say.

We gather our bones and piece them together
in hopes that sleep will cast over us quicker.
Across the sheets of making noises-
a dance of silently lying to the other.
Swallow down the awkward conversation
with coffee questioned how I took it.
A handful of brown packets in attempt
to make this morning taste less bitter.

I belong in these pages
Of the books on my shelf.
I try to find the answers in the words printed on the paper.
I try to prepare myself.

I belong behind the words that I write,
The stories and characters they transform into.
I search for the answers through art.

I belong at family dinners.
With my mom, my brother and dog.
Together as one.

They are my compass.
Guiding me on.

Now,
I travel across the waters alone.

I try to navigate through the fog.

My parents warnings and lessons sing as lullabies,
That play softly in the whistling wind.

They aren't my map,
They can't guide me anymore.

I have this boat around me.
But the choppy waves never stop.
They batter the hull.
As salty sea crashes over.
I take in gulps of ocean as I try

To navigate my way back to shore.

With you, the ground felt solid
like I could pull myself from
this flooding basement, for good.

Skin drenched,
slippery shaking freezing skin.
You stretched your hands out,
held me till I grew warm.

The waves swelled
the surface grew rough.
With my finger tied to yours
you cut them loose,
left me to drown in myself.

How silly of me-
to think that I could flourish
in someone else's chest
when I can't stand
being trapped in my own.

Silly, silly, stupid girl.
You will always be alone.

I fled to the bathroom.
Only to be reminded of
our first night together.
Your gentle hands
lifting me on the counter.
Intoxicating kissing
flush cheeks,
with shower steam
cloaked behind us.
I unhooked my bra,
and climbed into bed.
Half expecting you to be there
waiting for me,
like how you did
when I got home from class.
I wanted to be able to count
the stars on your skin.
I can't seem to fall asleep
without being beneath
your heaven.

The warmth of the hearth,
Invites you to come out of your shell.

Waves sweep over skin tone grains.
Rolled in the current of sweet sweat,
Green seaweed sheets tangle our legs.

White shows,
as shy pearls are exposed.
You wear them the best between coal ribbon.
Caps of a dress
drowning blue bones,
Falls to the shore.

Embrace in her nourishment.
Drag your nails across the valley of pale dirt.
Plant a trail of pink hearts close to hers.
Stain her soil with your blood,
Under the rain of gold.

Lets create colors in oil
On these blank canvas bodies
of earth.

& Some how,
you have surprised me yet again.

I believe the meek words-
paper thin from your lying lips.
Those I should set aflame
with my burning tears.

You have taught me to only
trust myself.
I should know this by now.

Your daggers and swords
the ones that slowly **** me.
Are utilized to add scars-
next to the ones from years before.

One Bullet is all I need,
but I'm not wasting it on myself.
For the demons should die before angels.

My last name,
forever following me.
Until I find a man who will be,
so much more then
what you could ever be.

January fluttered by like the
'I love you’s' caught in her throat.
Cigarette embers of white smoke
shed on the coat tails of winter.
The morning frost licks her broken chest cavities
as blood bubbled across your wooden floor.
Warping wood of collapsing ceilings
crushed the life you sparked inside-
splinters too deep to pull.
I've never been a simple creature-
anxiously stirring in a silent house.
I want to tell you how I feel.
Compose it into a mellow tune
I want it to be soft and beautiful.
I hope we will meet under
the yellow kitchen light again.
But maybe,
you're gone forever.

1.You were my first love, I will never forget that summer. With the boy who always wore a Rockstar SnapBack and taught me how to skateboard. I told you I wanted to see your best friend. That was first time feeling my heart break while bleeding regret. I cried to mayday parade every night after. A few years later you chatted me and asked if you could be my first kiss. I'm glad you weren't. We haven't talked since and you can't be my first everything.
2. You were a rebel. You asked me to run away with you; we planed our escape to the mountains. You wanted to kiss me after you walked me home in the snow. I remember how cold my feet were in my converse. I ran away before our lips met. I didn't want you to take stars from my eyes like I knew you would. Somehow years later, you are still stuck in the same town while I ran 2,000 miles away to the mountains.
3. There was distance between us. But you always drove to my house in your beloved red Mazda. I wanted to like you as much as you liked me. You were the only guy to ever buy me flowers; they died just like us. I told you I couldn't be with you anymore; I know I broke your heart.
4. I swear you were fate. My judgement was cloudy from all the drugs you always had to give. I wanted to mend your life, I wanted to be your glue. But I realized I was just as broken but in different ways. As much as we wanted, we couldn't piece the other one back together with our shattered hands. I'm just ****** you can say you took my virginity. I hope it hurts every time you hear my name.
5. I never saw this coming. You were a Junior and I was a freshmen. You stole my first kiss; somehow I never forgot how your lips tasted. You were out of my league but you fell for me. I convinced myself it was just a summer fling. While you were saying goodbye to summer, I was boarding a plane. At the terminal you whispered you loved me. Now, you are the only one I can see myself with.

I should have said it louder
so you would have understood
and your I'm sorry's mean nothing.
I should have pushed you further
But my bones were weak and hollow,
my veins were submersed in wine,
and the wall was so close.
Stolen in the twilight,
a few stars from my eyes.
They should have been closed,
locked away from your greedy palms.
Awoke with regret,
and a sinking chest.
Disgusted by the body I lay against.
So from under the bed
I grabbed my brown boots.
Without saying more then two words,
walked away from you.
Dressed in the outfit from the night before,
the walk back to my room never felt so long.
Walked up the stairs,
undressed from the sweaty mess.
Turned the *** and watched as
water poured out along with sliver steam.
Head first, so quiet and safe.
Like the one who is miles away.
I pulled my heart string
I heard yours beating in reply.
I remembered that
I was all yours,
and only yours.

I'm so lucky
to have you.

Once your lips first dampen my skin,
You become the soaking rain, seeping in.
Your kisses pour over my face, drowning me in love.
Oh Rain, don't leave me.

You are the summer breeze through my shades,
tangled fiercely by the wind, warming me,
waking me, breathing me in.
Oh Summer Breeze, don't leave me.

You are the ocean melody in the dark of night,
with only stars to detract me from drowning
in the sea of your voice, my heart beat by your waves.
Oh Ocean Melody, don't leave me.

You are the last Marlboro Red
dragged into my lungs, no longer burning,
my blood clean once again.
Marlboro Red, I'm saying goodbye, it's time to quit.

You're drunk
I'm sober.
This conversation is so much fun.
You type so many words and feelings.
I barley have to reply.
This conversation is so true and pure.
You tell me all your grudges for people I don't know.
You tell me how much you like me,
And some how I believe you more then ever.
You spill your life goals to me and your fears.
This is who you are.
Ten messages at once.
I'm sober.
You're drunk.

If your arms are Boston, than I miss home.

Please don't ask me if I'm from Tennessee.
I don't want to hear its because I'm the only ten you see.

But if like my friend, and you were creative with them.
Maybe they would work.
"If you were a ski trail you would be a green circle because you're easy."
Or
"I'm wasted. But this ****** in my pocket doesn't have to be. "

Okay so probably not, but maybe she would laugh and maybe if he complemented her after,
she would shed layers and they could crawl under sheets together.

But no girl has so Travis I'm sorry to say,
Pick up lines don't work, that's why you're still a ******.

Wide eyes when I enter
into the dim lit porch.
As usual you were hiding
in the corner drink in hand.
Was it the past
that broke your palms
so now you don’t extend them?
Cracked ribs
beneath the cotton you wear-
everyone lives in fear
of skinned knees and bruised elbows.
What would your skin
reveal if it was marked
with my red lipstick,
like the necks of bottles
or my morning cigarette.
From the lavender dreams I live in
dawn always shines the brightest
and reminds me
that I will never know how your vertebrates
came to be.

- C.K

Feeling anonymous in their eyes
Searching their face for familiar traces,
Incognito to their judgment,
As you pass on the sidewalk.
Foreign to street names and
Where they lead to,
Free to get lost in the abyss.
The night lights substitute for a compass,
As we walk hand and hand.
All contained under the cosmic splattered tar.
The anonymous urban life,
We belong,
Falling into each others heart beats,
And the hum of the traffic beneath our heads
As we float into a dreamland.

I'm just as inconsistent as the weather men are for New England,
From a sunny day that suddenly turn to rain,
From a rainy week to snow and sleet,
You can only rely on how unreliable they will be
for telling the future forecast of this up coming week.

We are the universe, can't you see
that we only create black holes
and matters of dark energy?

Star-crossed lovers
that gave ourselves
false hope and reassuring words
to feed off of.

We are the stars working
against our own relationship.
Foolishly tripping over our own feet.
While scaring our own wrists,
old practices of middle school days.
Bad habits to partake in.
(Shouldn't we have learned this already?)

Addicts trying to quit
but it's difficult
to see clearly when our skin touches.

Tasting you again is poison
and I know this
because you still haven't
learned to listen,
and I haven't
grown out of being a stubborn *****.

The august rain will fall
marking the end of summer
and the leaves will change colors.

And you and I burning stars,
will fade in the ever changing night sky.

I want to start over. I want to feel your eyes on mine. Feel like the moon connected to the tides.

Instead, you could slip through my fingertips at any second. A tide that never comes in once it goes out.

Honey only for my lips, and salt for an after taste. Loving you is a bittersweet thing.

It could have been him.
Same tie dyed shirt
mixed with the smoke of
cannabus.
I loved him.
Isn't that why my heart fluttered
at the sight?
He was everything
I didn't want to be.
The dark side of my moon.
But during twilight
the bright side is only visible.