one. you can't. everytime their name is mentioned, your heart can't help but beat a little too fast, your stomach can't help but sink a little too deep, and your mind reminds you of every time the words i'll never leave left their mouth, without hesitation. without uncertainity. without doubt. how could you feed my hollow self with your assurance when you were never sure yourself?
two. this is how it starts and this is how it will never end. with questions that'll always be left unanswered. with one piece of the puzzle always missing. with all the what if's and could have's, and why, and how can they?
three. the first thing you should realise is that they are capable of everything. stop the how can they, and the how come. if there's one thing i've learned is people can. they can hurt your fragile little self and shatter every bit of self worth they might've helped you build up, themselves. stop the questioning. you might not want to hear the answers as much as you think you do. they won't tell you what you want to hear. we, people, are self contradictory. we claim to want the truth, but that's not what we want. we create versions of truths in our ever lasting thoughts and make believe. we make believe to survive.
four.  survive. breathe, breathe, breathe. take a look around you, take a look at the people you are surrounded with. we live in an astonishingly beautiful environment. try to look at the world as whole, and look at how insignificant that person that you're "in love" with is. look at how insignificant you are. take it in, take it in. you'll be able to get through this. your heart will mend, nature will take care of that.
five. you should stop blaming them. you should stop blaming yourself. and you should stop blaming the world. another thing i've learned is that, you will not always end up with the person you're in love with. and just because someone's in love with you, does not mean that they won't hurt you. and just because they've hurt you does not mean that they don't care for you. that's life. it's bias. it does not make sense but there's no use to try and make sense of it. you'll end up empty.
six. hatred is not forgetting. indifference is not forgetting. missing is not forgetting. longing is not forgetting. there's no forgetting. don't beat yourself up for still caring. it's humane. time. it'll take time. that person will fade away to the ((danger, danger. do not touch)) pile in your brain to rarely be thought of. yes, there will come a time in which you'll not think of them. take my lead, will you?
seven. this will be a long road. but you need to know that hurt does not last. hurt is not eternal. not one feeling is eternal, you'll get through this. some time soon, you'll meet this someone that'll make you feel things you've never thought you're capable of feeling. they were good to you, but you'll find someone who's good to you and appreciates you just as much. someone who will show you what to love about yourself, which is you whole. because ******* it, you're holy. you're lovely. you're wonderful. someone that'll make misery a foreign word to you. you'll find that someone soon, princess. i promise you.

The first thing that you forget, when you stop talking to someone is the sound of their voice.
So I suggest with every voicemail you receive, save it.
Whether it be from your grandma or your aunt or your boyfriend
You'll miss them sooner or later if they leave you.
When It's a healthy time for you, and you miss them a lot,
You'll still have their voice.
The way they spoke, every lisp every stutter
You'll hear it in that old voicemail.

I once loved a boy.
Some know most of  the story, some only know half
But only he and I know every end and out of that year and a half.
I still have his voicemails,
but they aren't only the happy ones.
Matter of fact, he only left me a voicemail when he was angry or when he had news he couldn't keep to himself long enough.
I deleted the happy ones after we broke up.

But I didn't do it because I was angry,
I did it because I wasn't worthy.
And yet, they're still in my trash bin waiting, ready to be recovered.

Because some days, I wonder if he's happy.
Then I'll hear his voicemail telling me he got his GED.
And it was because of me.
Because some days I wonder if he misses me
Then I'll hear his voicemail telling me he loves me and always will

See, I have a problem: I'm a hoarder
I horde voices.
I horde the sound of laughs and cries,
I horde the angry and the happy times.
I take them all and keep them close.
And I try and keep phones for as long as I can.
Because when the phone goes,
So do the voices that I hold dear.

So darling if you wonder if I still have every old voicemail you've ever sent me the answer is clear.
If I miss you, I press my phone to my ear.

But now it's been so long that your voice scares me.
The old voicemails sit and take up my data since I'm too afraid to delete them.
That means your gone forever
And while I may have broken your heart I hope you forgive me
And I hope this voicemail makes you smile.

I dont expect you to understand him right away, it took me nearly 3years





He'll tell you his favorite color is blue, but it's not. It is orange. He loves orange.

And sometimes he'll mention little things about the world that he wants to change and most people just brush it away but don't. He wants to talk about it. He's passionate about it.

And when he holds your hand he will squeeze it every few minutes. He does it unknowingly but my god it is the best feeling .

And when you've just spent the night drinking together and you go for a coffee run the next morning, he'll tell you he doesn't want anything but get him strawberry milk. It's his favorite. He'll appreciate it.

When you fight he'll act like he doesn't care, but just give him space at first. He'll come arround. He always did.

And he gets jealous really easily, like when a boy comments on your picture or favorites one of your tweets but he won't say anything about it until you're in a fight weeks later.

And he hates wearing sunglasses when he's driving but he does anyways because the sun bothers him.

But when he changes the subject or talks over you, don't get mad. Sometimes he doesn't realize it. You will learn to love those little interruptions.

And when he doesn't call you back for hours it's probably because he's with his mom. He doesn't see her often and when he does he cherishes their time together.

And when you two have a movie night he will let you pick a movie and then he will pick one and he will always pick the outsiders. Every time.

He'll yawn and least twenty times before he finally gets off the phone with you at night.

And when he leaves you he's like a tornado that tears everything in your life up and into shreds, and you will be numb for days and weeks and months and it's been a year and I still get the feeling nostalgia when I see someone driving with sun glasses or  drinking strawberry milk.

True beauty is unique,
It lies skin deep,
   It doesn't need compliments to be built,
Its flawless because it comes from the image of God in which it was created,
   Meaning it has no physical mistakes,
Because God is perfection,
And it only builds through acceptance and contentedness..

I hate how you broke me down
Only to build me up
Just so you could break me down once again

I hate how you convinced me to open up to you when I was shy
Only to give you what you wanted from me
And then tell me to be ashamed for being so exposed

I hate how you would ask me what’s wrong
Only to pretend to listen as I would cry
And then tell me off for thinking I have it harder than others

I hate how you would tell me you loved me
Only for me to find out that you have another lover
And then to get angry with me when I would try to move on

I hate how I wasted my time loving you unconditionally
In hopes that you would love me too
Only to realize after eight months that you don’t deserve me