In my eyes
Is the intensity of a thousand suns,
That burns with an undying passion.
They give me away;
Brutally honest traitors.
They cannot hide the brokenness in me.
But only through these windows can true happiness shine through.
They can be as hard as steel and as cold as ice,
Or a pastel sunset soft and bright.
They can be clear and vitalizing one moment,
And the next glassy and seemingly lifeless.

The angel of death follows me like a loyal dog,
Slowly claiming more and more of me,
Disguised with the faces of people I know.

Ignorance is such a beautiful thing,
But oh how toxic it can be.
You poisoned my mind with words of beauty,
Songs of joy my heart did sing,
But now that I know the truth,
Your reputation has been tainted.
How perfect a picture of deceit you painted.
Your behavior is (for a lack of a better word) uncouth.
Some warned that trusting you would be unwise,
But an underlying dissonant chord grew.
Maybe deep down I always knew,
But you spout such symphonious lies.
You devoured my helplessness in a bite so vicious,
But I wanted to live in my reverie,
I didn’t believe the tales of your devilry.
To my morality I’ve become oblivious.
My rationality has become a hindrance.
How can I be wrong if I did not know?
The only thing now (even as it seems impossible) is to let go,
But never will I forget the beauty of my ignorance.

I don’t understand how I even try, especially when the only thing I ask is “Why?”
Did you play with me as if I were a puppet in some game?
Or did I mean anything to you at all?
You give truth to the phrase “All men are the same”
And one day, I pray, that your pride will meet its downfall
For nobody deserves this… your selfishness.

Time slows down
One minute the equivalent of an hour,
One hour seems like a day,
One week is an eternity.
My brain drains my body’s vitality.
No matter how much I sleep,
I cannot live in reality.
The circumstances of life sweep over me.
I am a rock at the bottom of a river,
Just watching the water flow by.
So fast,
So smooth.
I’m stuck.
This weighs me down.
One affair can bind my mind
As a mother wraps a frightened child.
But
It shrouds me in fear and uncertainty
It kills so slowly
That it seems as if nothing is happening.
It’s grasp is strong
As if it is a starving predator holding onto it’s prey.
It feeds on my existence
And it can never be satisfied.

Give me the courage to speak,
The confidence to act,
The wisdom to understand,
The hope that can lift my heart of stone and ice.
Thaw it.
Break it.
Pry it open.
Rid the waste that has tainted it.
Let it flow rivers of gold again.

But sometimes a hardened heart isn’t so bad...
It cannot bleed,
It cannot shatter.
It will protect me from my suffering.
It will make me stronger.
Even if that requires becoming a bit more bitter.

It is futile to cling to something so fictitious.
The world fades away.
White.
Bleeds so easily.
Red.
The void set free
As vast as the sky.
Black.
In the agony,
The loneliness,
The hopelessness,
I diminish until I become lost
Even unto all memory
And I wander into oblivion.
Forever I remain in solitude.
The yearning to sleep,
Insomnia clutches me.
Yet
I can only blame myself.
Your ignorance is my bliss.
Even if you are unaware,
I still give you the power, the key that imprisons me.
This ability is captivating.
So return my freedom!
But you have no control.
In reality, neither do I.
You will gradually forget,
But I can never shut you out.
I am locked away in this cage I have crafted for myself.
I chose to stay
So you may remain free,
Unburdened by me.
My conviction is great.
I am so trapped that
Not even my imagination can give me liberty.
In fact the deeper I delve,
The more I sink.
Fragile molten crystals
Flood me like a bursting dam
They bear everything I dare not place on you.
I will suffer this internal hell
And maybe I can be happy to some degree
Even for just a little while…
Instead of not at all.

This the object most fragile,
And most adhering.
Knows no wisdom.
The effort to be invisible,
Yet even the blind can see.
Ensnares the owner in agony.
One word,
One glance,
One touch,
One breath,
One second to make it bleed,
To make it shatter.
Sanity and all rationality dissipate.
Trust it never.
Betrayal.
Impulsive.
Self-destructive.
Although strength may grow,
It is stifled by weakness and shadow.
Doubt ever deepens,
Hope ever fades.
Passion so intense,
Extinguish this desire.
The sharp and searing pain,
Still feels so… dull.
Silence so loud,
Gives rise to insanity.
Too arrogant and self-righteous
To ever learn from past mistakes
And confines destiny.
A fog envelops the mind
Lost in a shroud,
No map, no memory.
Faded by time,
Devoid of all beauty.
The greatest joy unreachable.
Fate has written that it will never be.
It is impossible, a tragedy really.