This kind of beautiful, I’ve never seen her wear,
For tonight, she glows of a hundred moonlights;
Pain has never looked so welcomed,
Screams have never sounded so melodic;

With each melody, I watch, as stray tears appear from the corner of her eyelids,
I can’t help but be mesmerized, as each one traces a path across her rosy cheeks;
I imagine them as dancers,
so elegant and choreographed;

These butterflies; I’ve never felt them before,
And my heart pounds like a bass drum on every beat;
Nothing can relax me,
Nor do I want it to;

She rings out one final harmony just before another is heard,
A quick turn bares the gift of my baby girl;
A slow and returned glance bares relief to my world,
Our three cries, synchronized — so beautifully merged;

As I lay with them both,
I feel completeness arrive;
For tonight, it is known that,
My world just gave me my life.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019

“Oh darkness, my friend,
Oh darkness, you see;
Why can’t I transcend,
The darkness in me.”

“Oh my child, you fool,
Oh my child, you see;
I don’t mean to be cruel,
But what’s of that you speak?”

“Oh darkness, so strong,
Oh darkness, I plea;
This has gone for so long,
It’s time I’m set free.”

“Oh my child, calm down,
Oh my child, so meek;
Your mind is my playground,
Your tears are my beach.”

“I am ready for growth,
For my power’s divine;
I take back all control,
That you’ve had on my mind.”

“You don’t have to do this child?
Don’t leave me like this;
I swear that I’m not defiled,
Please close the abyss.”

“My head is so clear now,
Appreciation, anew;
So this is my farewell,
And I bid you adieu.”

“I’ll wait for the next time,
that you might need me again;
I am darkness — I’m always trying,
To pretend as your friend.”

Brendon S. Sawyer
(2019)

It’s been 217 days since he’s last seen the sun,
He awakens and wonders how the world looks today,
The familiar walk to his front door brings him no joy,
His house is unrecognizable to him now,
The only company he has now is himself,
The only voices he hears are his own,
He hates himself more and more,
He hates that this affects his family,
A wife, two kids; the pain they feel seeing him like this,
He opens his front door and walks to the end of his porch,
His house is surrounded by a forest of tall Redwoods,
He likes to think of them as bars to a jail cell,
Trapping him into the place where he stands,
He peers through the dense tree canopy, to learn if his nightmare would end,
“****,” he mumbles, as if someone could hear him,
There’s no one around, there’s nobody near him,
It’s been 217 days now since he’s last seen the sun,
Grey skies and fog, not the blue that once was,
Still, with no blue, he feels blue — can this be undone,
After all of this time, he’s lost his self-love,
The kids don’t really look at him the same since,
Though they still love him and he loves them,
They used to laugh together,
Now he hardly talks,
They used to dance together,
Now he hardly walks,
He hears shallow knocks, they’re quiet but loud,
A creak from the door will trigger more sound,
He sees his wife there, with concern in her eyes,
As she and the kids have to leave and say they’re goodbyes

- “Hey. I have to get the kids out of here until you’re better,” she says softly.
- “Please don’t leave,” he pleads.
- “This isn’t good for them. This isn’t good for any of us,” she explains.
- “I’m so sorry that this happened,” he says with a choked-up voice.
- “I know. Just get better,” she replies as her eyes begin to water.
- “I love you,” he tells her.
- She replies, “I love you too,” and slowly closes the door.

The pain he feels for the pain they feel just kills him inside,
Depression has stolen joy from his kids and his wife,
He screams as long as he can with no one to hear him,
Tears fall in masses, as he cries for his freedom,
He doesn’t deserve to fall victim like this,
He tries and he tries but can’t find a fix,
He’s lost himself, and it all happened so fast,
that he can’t seem to recall how it sounds when he laughs,
His energy, it seems, has just run empty again,
His eyes close to sleep, in hopes tomorrow’s the end,

He awakens and wonders how the world looks today,
It’s been 218 days since he’s last seen the sun.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019

Let us drive, drive away from the lights in the sky,
For I crave to see the stars as they dance in your eye;
I see so clearly when the darkness surrounds,
Cause this love, it is guidance, when you are around;
The moon can’t compare to the shine that you give,
Your smile, the dimples, our laughter — like a shiv;
This piercing joy in my heart, it all feels like spring,
How could reality be this? it’s just like my dreams;
In the rain I feel dry, in the snow I feel warm,
The struggles of history allow the future to form;
All the heartbreak I’ve felt — and the lonely expanse,
Was just my soul moving past a toxic romance;
See growth is inevitable — though finish line, unclear,
But my marathon is over; you’re finally here.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019