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Mar 2023 · 595
Family
Brendon S Sawyer Mar 2023
(Dedicated to Jamie)

You’ll never know what you did for me,
You were much more than a friend;
You were the anchor that saved my life,
As the waves were crashing in.

As I was still recovering, from the loneliest life I’d know,
You formed a tight-knit family where I could love myself and grow;
I used to hate myself and couldn’t stand to be awake,
Until I found myself surrounded by the love that you’d create;

We were lost for different reasons just looking for some hope,
And then you brought us all together and gave us all a home.


- Brendon Shay Sawyer
  (2023)

(I love you Jamie. We miss you. We will make you proud ❤️)
Oct 2021 · 524
Shout
Brendon S Sawyer Oct 2021
Shout at the moon, my darling, and less at your heart,
For it not deserve the blame for any damage he’s caused;

Shout at the trees, as they stand tall and so strong,
And be jealous of them for that’s all that you want;

Shout at the pond, as rain sends ripples throughout,
Oh, I miss your smile—how long is this drought?

Shout at me, if you need,
And scream, if it helps;
Shout at whatever, my dear,
So long as it’s not at yourself.


- Brendon S. Sawyer
(2021)
Brendon S Sawyer May 2021
Daisy, in a field of weeds,
    What have you come to see?
    You hide all of your beauty,
    Like a bare wintered tree.
        
    Scared to stand alone,
    So you blend with your surrounds;
    When you never speak a word,
    I still love the way you sound.
        
    Daisy, in a field of weeds,
    Give me one chance to show;
    That I can nurture you without risk,
    Of allowing these weeds to grow.
            
    Soon you will tower,
    and these weeds will begin to shrink;
    I give unto you this water,
    My dearest Daisy, why won’t you drink.
        
    Daisy, in a field of weeds,
    I know it’s hard to see your worth;
    But to me, my dearest Daisy,
    You bring such beauty to this earth.
        
    Daisy, through these battles, you feel alone,
   These weeds take more than they give;
    Please, Daisy, just give me one chance,
    I’ll stand beside you til the end.
How do you interpret this poem? What do you think I was trying to say?
Nov 2020 · 134
Dear Father
Brendon S Sawyer Nov 2020
I’m angered by the way that I am,
Though, I am not angered at myself,
I hate the man that I see in the mirror,
Though, I do not hate the man who sees that reflection,
I despise the person that I am,
Though, I do not despise the person of whom I’ve become,
I fault the illness that controls my mind,
Though, I do not fault my mind for being sick,
I’ll always hold this grudge against you for making me this way,
So why—given all of this pain and hate—do I still hope you’ll love me someday?

Brendon S. Sawyer
2020
A short poem about being a young child who was given an unloving and abusive father who, after 11 years of physical and mental abuse, abandoned the child (and family) without warning  or trace; and about the lifelong battle with mental illness that burdens me every day.
Jul 2020 · 126
Shattered Glass
Brendon S Sawyer Jul 2020
Shattered glass,
No one sees the break,
All the evidence is hidden,
All the cracks have been taped;

I tried to warn you all,
No one believed in wolves,
The damage was ignored,
I was treated as a fool;

I never asked for your help,
All I needed was a hand,
You left me to my pain,
For no longer in this I stand;

You couldn’t lend an ear,
That’s all I really need,
You leave me all alone,
My only friend is misery;

I gave you many signs,
I wanted you to see,
That I am broken, I give up,
Am I not worth this breath I breathe?


Brendon S. Sawyer
©️ 2020
Sep 2019 · 384
From Miracles, This Glee
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
Oh, when she smiled at me,
in an instant, she changed my world;
And when she walked up to me,
the rhythm of my heart began to surge.

With each step, I became more and more intoxicated by her,
the deep blue of her eyes could quench my thirst on a Summer's day;
The warm softness of her lips became "comfort food" to my soul,
not even vinyl could capture nostalgia the way her voice could.

No "graceful" is as graceful as her,
she has leaped those bounds;
No "beautiful" is as beautiful as her,
floating on our sea of love, my heart is a boat that shan't run aground.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have our lives merge,
and I'll never regret the day that she became my world;
Oh, she's done something to my life,
I've see the road of happiness finally arrive.

She's the greatest thing I have,
She's the greatest thing I am;
I don't know how this all happened, when it wasn't in the plan,
if this love were of a mountain, oh, I'd climb to the highest land.

Sir, I stand before you today to express these feelings man-to-man,
I love your daughter with all that's in me; may I request to have her hand?
Prequel to my poem "From Us, This Seed"

Please go to my profile and read that one also.
Sep 2019 · 293
Fly, Dear Friend
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
Dedicated to Derrick;
A Great Man, Brother, Son, and Friend
(9/29/1993 - 8/28/2018)


Fly, dear friend,
For you have earned the wings on your back,
Every ounce of the love you had, was the love you gave,

Fly, dear friend,
So beautiful, as you dance gracefully with the clouds,
For your shadow protects me from the fire of the sun,

Fly, dear friend,
Can you see? All of these people came for you,
The warm touch from your heart has sheltered us in this cold world,

Fly, dear friend,
I love you — I miss you; I’m happy you’re free,
Your voice and your laughter, I shan’t ever forget,

Fly, dear friend,
For you have earned those large wings,
Still, sometimes I wish that you never left me.


- Brendon S. Sawyer
(2019)
I love you, Derrick. And I miss you every day. I’ll see you soon.
Sep 2019 · 243
From Us, This Seed
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
This kind of beautiful, I’ve never seen her wear,
For tonight, she glows of a hundred moonlights;
Pain has never looked so welcomed,
Screams have never sounded so melodic;

With each melody, I watch, as stray tears appear from the corner of her eyelids,
I can’t help but be mesmerized, as each one traces a path across her rosy cheeks;
I imagine them as dancers,
so elegant and choreographed;

These butterflies; I’ve never felt them before,
And my heart pounds like a bass drum on every beat;
Nothing can relax me,
Nor do I want it to;

She rings out one final harmony just before another is heard,
A quick turn bares the gift of my baby girl;
A slow and returned glance bares relief to my world,
Our three cries, synchronized — so beautifully merged;

As I lay with them both,
I feel completeness arrive;
For tonight, it is known that,
My world just gave me my life.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019
The birth of a first born child. From a perspective that of the father
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
“Oh darkness, my friend,
Oh darkness, you see;
Why can’t I transcend,
The darkness in me.”

“Oh my child, you fool,
Oh my child, you see;
I don’t mean to be cruel,
But what’s of that you speak?”

“Oh darkness, so strong,
Oh darkness, I plea;
This has gone for so long,
It’s time I’m set free.”

“Oh my child, calm down,
Oh my child, so meek;
Your mind is my playground,
Your tears are my beach.”

“I am ready for growth,
For my power’s divine;
I take back all control,
That you’ve had on my mind.”

“You don’t have to do this child?
Don’t leave me like this;
I swear that I’m not defiled,
Please close the abyss.”

“My head is so clear now,
Appreciation, anew;
So this is my farewell,
And I bid you adieu.”

“I’ll wait for the next time,
that you might need me again;
I am darkness — I’m always trying,
To pretend as your friend.”

Brendon S. Sawyer
(2019)
A conversation between darkness (depression/sadness/anger/jealousy)  and someone trying to break free.
Sep 2019 · 153
218 Days
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
It’s been 217 days since he’s last seen the sun,
He awakens and wonders how the world looks today,
The familiar walk to his front door brings him no joy,
His house is unrecognizable to him now,
The only company he has now is himself,
The only voices he hears are his own,
He hates himself more and more,
He hates that this affects his family,
A wife, two kids; the pain they feel seeing him like this,
He opens his front door and walks to the end of his porch,
His house is surrounded by a forest of tall Redwoods,
He likes to think of them as bars to a jail cell,
Trapping him into the place where he stands,
He peers through the dense tree canopy, to learn if his nightmare would end,
“****,” he mumbles, as if someone could hear him,
There’s no one around, there’s nobody near him,
It’s been 217 days now since he’s last seen the sun,
Grey skies and fog, not the blue that once was,
Still, with no blue, he feels blue — can this be undone,
After all of this time, he’s lost his self-love,
The kids don’t really look at him the same since,
Though they still love him and he loves them,
They used to laugh together,
Now he hardly talks,
They used to dance together,
Now he hardly walks,
He hears shallow knocks, they’re quiet but loud,
A creak from the door will trigger more sound,
He sees his wife there, with concern in her eyes,
As she and the kids have to leave and say they’re goodbyes

- “Hey. I have to get the kids out of here until you’re better,” she says softly.
- “Please don’t leave,” he pleads.
- “This isn’t good for them. This isn’t good for any of us,” she explains.
- “I’m so sorry that this happened,” he says with a choked-up voice.
- “I know. Just get better,” she replies as her eyes begin to water.
- “I love you,” he tells her.
- She replies, “I love you too,” and slowly closes the door.

The pain he feels for the pain they feel just kills him inside,
Depression has stolen joy from his kids and his wife,
He screams as long as he can with no one to hear him,
Tears fall in masses, as he cries for his freedom,
He doesn’t deserve to fall victim like this,
He tries and he tries but can’t find a fix,
He’s lost himself, and it all happened so fast,
that he can’t seem to recall how it sounds when he laughs,
His energy, it seems, has just run empty again,
His eyes close to sleep, in hopes tomorrow’s the end,

He awakens and wonders how the world looks today,
It’s been 218 days since he’s last seen the sun.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019
Being someone who’s suffered from chronic depression ever since an early age, I wanted to write something that can somewhat illustrate what it does to someone’s mind and body. It truly is a very taxing illness that drains all of the energy out of your body, even if you’ve done nothing physical or labor-intensive at all. Thank you so much for reading.
Sep 2019 · 78
“Let Us Drive”
Brendon S Sawyer Sep 2019
Let us drive, drive away from the lights in the sky,
For I crave to see the stars as they dance in your eye;
I see so clearly when the darkness surrounds,
Cause this love, it is guidance, when you are around;
The moon can’t compare to the shine that you give,
Your smile, the dimples, our laughter — like a shiv;
This piercing joy in my heart, it all feels like spring,
How could reality be this? it’s just like my dreams;
In the rain I feel dry, in the snow I feel warm,
The struggles of history allow the future to form;
All the heartbreak I’ve felt — and the lonely expanse,
Was just my soul moving past a toxic romance;
See growth is inevitable — though finish line, unclear,
But my marathon is over; you’re finally here.

Brendon S. Sawyer
2019
It’s a love letter explaining the happiness and fullness that they’re love brings. It also describes the relief he feels that he finally found “the one” after a long journey of failed relationships and heartbreak. He’s ready to “drive off into the sunset,” so to speak.

I wrote this 3 days ago. It’s my first poem.

— The End —