I feel calm this time around

there are no waves left now

to accompany the melancholy

there is just a warm yellow sun

and I am a lake left in desolation

and sadness can be heard

in the silence of my being

and it is not beautiful

like the Sea

You'll come to find
my mouth is filled with
almosts & maybes
with unspoken hellos
forgotten goodbyes
no matter how I try

I wish I could tell you
to ignore the things I say
listen to the colours in my smile
the expression of my eyes
language fails to communicate
no matter how I try

Get a start, get a life,
Go get you a pretty wife,
Go to school, pay your bills,
Don't forgot to write your will,
Smile more, worry less,
Look, you're making progress!
Buy car, take a trip,
Try to keep it young and hip,
Watch your weight, doll it up,
You really need to fill your cup,
Give it in, Cede to God,
In his power, you are awed,
And though I try, I can't believe,
The lies that I, myself, conceive,
To fight the cold, impending sound,
Of it all crumbling all around,
And myself being put into the ground

wooden coffee
6 oz styrofoam cup
splintered morning

it feels like i lose blood each time
like the pastor's daughter once told me
(a wide-eyed ******)
that each man we give our hearts to
keeps a piece in their pocket
and that if we give too much
we'll have nothing left.
and maybe that was just christian *******
trying to make me fear the loss of my virginity
more than death
so that when i was *****
when i was 20
i was silent
and ashamed
and the blood i lost
came from between my legs,
not my chest.

but my heart is different after this last one,
so maybe she was right after all
and after him
every time someone kinder
is intimate with me
i feel like my hands are covered in gore
and when he takes them
they slip
muddy his shirt
his hands.
and that's something i'd never want
to inflict -  

i grew up being told
my sins
were covered
in blood
as i grow older
i am convinced
it's true.

The simplicity
of a short but blunt
and simple poem
can temporarily
cast out the
demons that
roam inside
my head