If you want change,
Make a change.
It is up to you,
To deam what is true.

Will I ever be missed if I just
Disappear ?

They say they know me,
When they only know what they want to see.

Some experience it,
In death.
Some experience it,
In life.
But losing a friend either way,
Causes apart of life to die.

I hate how some of my poems,
Get read less than others.
Even when my over all pain,
And suffering smothers.
It seems the most real,
Poems I write my feeling covers.

If you could hold my hand... I'd open your heart and head like a book, reading each word with soft consideration. If you could hold my hand, we could read each others wrists and arms; like a story that is carved in blood and tears. If you could hold my hand, Id never let it go. And we could sit under the snow in a glass house and fall asleep together.

He loves me,
I love him.
Together forever,
Sink or swim.

I stared at the screen like an addict,
waiting for that flashing light to blink.
The dial tone of my phone's gone static,
waiting for you to pick up it.
I write on the page with all my ink,
and spill it on words hoping that you'd stick
Around.
Stick around like this addiction typical,
I have on every word you type.
Sipping the poison of your lips,
Like these flowing words and lymirics.
I inhaled your breath and puffed away,
Getting high off of every word that you say.
One.
More.
Short.
Breath.
And then freedom...
I didn't even get to taste your lips,
or feel your hands on my hips.
I never got to hear your heart,
or be there for even one single breath.
Instead.
We called,
We videoed,
We laughed,
We smiled...
And I didn't need your touch to know that you,
To know that you were there for me...
But you did.
That was your addiction.
Constantly wanting someone to be there,
next to you.
So you threw away the old,
And tried to find something new.
Stronger than the last,
something to change your path.
A stronger drug,
but you fell back into my texts.
And told me about your lipstick covered drugs,
The ones you said you didn't compare to me.
When you were the only addiction I had,
That I never even had...

It's hard to choose someone,
Someone to mean and be everything.
Because sometimes they will be there,
Then the memory of them is slowly fading.

Every second Saturday,
Just like clock work.
That smile you have,
Makes work a little more bearable.
I wish I could talk to you,
And not be so awkward.
I just wish I could,
But all I do is smile.
Just as you would,
And you smiled back...
Again!

My heart grows fonder of you
The more we are together
Even if we're apart

Is there such thing as,
Too much...
Too much love??

He told me he loved me,
Then he left me.
Now I HAVE TO WONDER IF I AM EVER LOVEABLE AGAIN!
He said he would never leave me,
Now I HAVE TO WONDER WHO IS GOING TO STAY IN MY LIFE.
NOW IM STUCK WITH ALL THE FEELINGS OF
EMPTINESS....
                       LONELINESS.....
                                               ABANDOMENT.......

Why did he promise me?
Why didnt he do what he said?
Why am I not good enough for the simple things?
Why?
Why cant he feel these things?

The first one was my galaxy,
Cause his sister's name was Star.
He told me that he loved me,
The way he left is going to scar.
The second caused me pain,
For he left me in the pouring rain.
He told me that he loved me,
But needed to leave me...
Now the though of being Eriks Ariel,
Is never going to let me be.
Cause I set him free,
Knowing I loved him,
more than I could see.
I've feel like I've been hexed
By the wicked witch under the sea

You see im broken,
In my words unspoken.
My world is crashing and burning,
More imperfections I'm only just learning.
I'm still together in a figure,
Just waiting for my mind to mature.

Putting miles on the dash,
Or maybe I wanna be on it.
My life's in front of my eyes, flash
Maybe I just need you in it?

The first time my world stopped,
Was the first time I saw you.
Moments only last so long,
And soon you'll be gone too.

I'll live hours while the world's stopped,
For this moment not to be taken away.
And before we end up six feet under,
I will live like I'm going to die each day.

Tens of thousands of words,
Yet never enough to describe what you mean to me.

It's not fat shaming,
If you just say working out will help?
It's not distrusting,
If you just say you don't know them enough?
Even if you call them out,
You're the one put to shame.

I dont have the time,
All the time in the world.
But I still manage to stupid rhyme,
With all these words I've hurled,
Towards you.
In a happy state of mind
Or,
Just trying to find
That place that's safe.

We live in a racist world,
Where politicians want to see
Just
Black
And White.
We live in a racist world,
Where all people see right now
Is just
Black
And White.
We live in a racist world,
Where corona virus is "Asian virus"
There was
Black plague
Spanish flu
We live in a racist world,
Where everyone wants an answer
To be
Black
Or White
But in this racist world,
Just black or white won't do
Because
You're
Still
Oppressing
Those
Not
Just
Black
Or white.
In this racist world we need to remember,
WE ALL MATTER!
Not just those
Black
Or white!

"Are you drinking water?"
No...
I'm drowning in it.

You said I cheated...
I didn't,
I didn't cheat on you.
It is not my fault your abuse,
Caused my emotions to flow into other palms.
I didn't ever physically cheat on you,
No I didn't have s*x with another.
But I did thinking of whether,
I would be better with someone else.
I thought of breaking up with you,
Everytime you held me after screaming at me.
I thought of a life without you,
I thought of kissing him too.
I regret that with all my mind,
But Im glad I am rid of you.
Life is better without you,
Im glad I never loved you.
So I am sorry for wasting my time,
And with this writing I leave you from my mind.
I hate you,
But I am free now.

I've been smiling for so long now,
I almost forgot how much it hurts to cry...

Mr green-eyed, boisen-berry.
Please don't, poison-me <3

And I asked you what is love?
          Is what I feel, the thing I wish it is?
But when love is just,

Let downs                   and
Oppression
Verified            with over bearing
Expectations

                                   How can I say this is love?
          When love has only been torment?
And so I ask you, what is love?

im sorry your life couldnt turn out like a fairytale. that instead of being loved and cared for, you were neglected and abused. im sorry that love wasnt what you wanted. im sorry that you read through poetry every night to try and make sense of this world. but i do wish you the best. i wish you happiness and peace. may poetry be your solitude.

To feel lyrics and music,
Like a soundwave carressing your soul.
To remember memories,
Like a wash of water over your skin.
How one key can make you regret,
And that another can make you wish.
Melodies of memories.

This is not something I choose,
I need help with midnight blues
I need help to keep on my smile,
Knowing this might take a little awhile
But that is not new news

I keep to myself
But i keep falling and falling and falling in deeper
Bunch over myself
I can't control tears from falling and and falling and falling down further
Soon I will have cried myself,
A river...

Sooner or later I'll have myself a river
Blue, lovely and pretty
Lately all those boys are flowing
down on a boat,
Guided by someone else's hands
Caring to much when I shouldn't
But when I don't it hurts

Treat me like I'm a b**ch,
Ill treat you like my toy.
Ill chew you up and spit you out,
You'll wish you were a boy.
Cause just like Pinocchio,
Your long nosed due to lies.
But like that wooden doll,
You're nothing but my toys.

I love you...
Three words said to often,
The meaning is nothing...
Three words that heart mend,
And break and bend...
I love you...
He never meant it,
Just send it...
I love you...
Three words to use the abused,
But they never end up as bruised...

Left or right?
A treat of minds delight.
There is nothing left to write,
Words mean nothing.
Unless specifically ordered,
To mean something.
Like,
Since when did stress,
Become this monster forcing me to dress
Like her because she's liked.
Here's the thing,
Sometimes I think, maybe I can do this.
Just one blink, a moment to quickly pass.
I can do... This.
You know?
But not even if one thing is wrong,
Words turn stress into the monster.
Why can't I be like her?
Why can't I ever be like her?...
Perfect.
But this monster does not leave.
No, sometimes I have to convince myself,
That maybe dreams come true.
And just like most of my happy memories,
That this monster will go away too.
But that little girl inside,
Inside of me, is better off dead.
For she already died when I realised,
People only care about the outside.
Yeah, on the inside she's dead,
Cause all good things come to an end.
Right?
But outside, it's so easy to fake,
A smile, fake a laugh.
Oh it's all a lie, but you ask why?...
Because everyday I have to push away,
my anxiety and say goodbye.
But like a good friend it comes back,
And says hi...
And then I'm scared.
That the whispers will come back.
Just sometimes I think,
Maybe if nothing changed when I was nine,
I would be just... fine.
But I'm fine, you know?
Using my smile as make up.
Just so I can show up - happy?
No, I am still a child,
And the whispers that once flaunted me,
Now haunt me with,
Muffled, misunderstood, murmured, meticulous, murderous, memories.
And what's left?
Left of myself after everything,
That I've been through...
Just lead to the conclusion,
That the little girl I was became snuffed out,
Not by darkness but by others light.
And concluded that all people care about,
Is their sight...
But I'm not much to look at,
Right?
I am but, broken hearted,
Promises,
Broken bones, burnt, bunched in bundles,
Buried deep within my complex,
Mind, body, soul...
But sooner or later,
By one or another,
I will be manipulated to be used,
For man's malicious intent again...
And nothing will be left,
But my minds' midnight delights...