Bella-Lee: Poems

119 · Nov 2019

Bella-Lee Nov 2019

Nothing stops my heart from wanting you,
Although I can't have you.
Nothing stops my heart more,
Than I love you more.
Nothing stops my heart beat,
As long as your heart beats.
Nothing stops me from loving you,
Because I know you love me too.

118 · Dec 2019

Can't believe I wanted you

Bella-Lee Dec 2019

Can't believe I wanted you

Out with the old in with the new,
Did you ever want me like I wanted you?
How do you move on so fast,
And forget our entire past?
Trapped in this prison of me losing you,
I can't believe I wanted you.

Currently I've been posting old poems I've written back in August 2018...

117 · May 2021

Back at it again

Bella-Lee May 2021

Back at it again

And just like that I'm falling again
Dont wanna see this one end
With a smile sweet as honey
Giggling "Please stop baby"
But boy your lips are my drug
Always safe embraced in your hug
If I die in your arms
Its the place Im supposed to be.

117 · Mar 2022

Now you are gone

Bella-Lee Mar 2022

Now you are gone

I dont know if im more sad that you left,
Or sad in the way that you left me.
I dont know if you actually loved,
Or you just said you did just to not be lonely.
I think to some extent you left,
Cause you knew either way you were on your own.
I dont know why you said you loved me then left,
But I know I need to restart now you are gone.

116 · Aug 2019

Poems

Bella-Lee Aug 2019

Poems

I dont have the time,
All the time in the world.
But I still manage to stupid rhyme,
With all these words I've hurled,
Towards you.
In a happy state of mind
Or,
Just trying to find
That place that's safe.

#poems #write

116 · Dec 2019

Breathe

Bella-Lee Dec 2019

Breathe

Can we kiss forever,
Just you and me?
I don't care,
If we need to breathe.
Every time I'm around you,
I lose my breath.
So why do we need to breathe,
When I have no breath to spare.
Can we kiss forever,
While we still don't need to breathe?

While you still love me and I love you... while you still lose your breath over seeing me... maybe, it's not that hard to kiss forever... I just want to be with you forever....

116 · Sep 2019

Book

Bella-Lee Sep 2019

Book

I'm open,
Like a book.
Come step in,
Just take a look.
With my heart,
It will unlock.
My minds smart,
Enter with just a knock.
And my thoughts will be seen,
On the pages of the open book.

114 · Nov 2019

3 words that mean the world

Bella-Lee Nov 2019

3 words that mean the world

I love you
I want you
Don't leave me
I'll never leave
Are you here
Are you okay
I am fine
I am done
Promises mean nothing
I hate you
I do too

114 · Jun 2020

You...

Bella-Lee Jun 2020

You...

I never longed so much,
For someone's touch.
Until I met you,
And feel in love with you.

In the darkest times,
You are with me.
No matter what may arise,
You are always with me.

113 · Jul 2020

Violet

Bella-Lee Jul 2020

Violet

Such a light name and personality,
With a dark and violent past.
We see what we want to see,
The broken is what comes last.

All we see and express is violence,
Yet happy in our broken world.
We're just like the colour violet,
Mistaken for purple as just another word.

111 · Aug 2021

Permanent

Bella-Lee Aug 2021

Permanent

Life *****,
At least tattoos are better than cuts...

110 · Dec 2019

Fireworks

Bella-Lee Dec 2019

Fireworks

Explosions of colour and light,
And I look into your eyes.
Those fireworks lit up inside me,
Just like the ones over the seas.
When the clock striked twelve,
You kissed my lips stroking my face.
Arms cradled me, hearing your heartbeat,
I finally knew then that you're my place.

Have a very happy New year/decade to everyone!! May 2020 bring all the joy and love you deserve!! I know I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man I have rn, his arms and soul are my home!

109 · Oct 2020

Wanting

Bella-Lee Oct 2020

Wanting

Trailing down shopping lists,
Flicking through the shelves.
I want to be seen by them,
But I dont want to be an item.

Boys like me, are attracted to me... and as much as I want it... why do I just feel like an item

109 · Sep 2020

Will it get better...?

Bella-Lee Sep 2020

Will it get better...?

Life will get better,
Oh they tell me over and over again.
When will life get better?
But my life has only just begun.
You will get better,
But when will all I feel be something but pain.
When will I get better?
I don't feel the same, as happy as I was young.

109 · Nov 2020

Devil

Bella-Lee Nov 2020

Devil

The devil gave me wings,
And taught me how to fly.
Cause the angels let me down,
And left me here to die.

There's darkness all around,
I only see one light.
Who knew it was him,
Goodnight. xo

107 · May 2020

Coloured Words

Bella-Lee May 2020

Coloured Words

Words become colours,
Dancing off the page.
Some the rainbow,
Some black, grey or baige.

Each colour a different story,
Blending to an ending.
But if rainbows don't end,
Is there no such thing as happy endings?

107 · Mar 2022

Hopeless

Bella-Lee Mar 2022

Hopeless

He takes my breath away from my lungs,
And fills my life with temporary happiness.
Then he leaves and fades out like all beautiful songs,
I go back to a feeling of hopelessness.

106 · Oct 2020

Untitled

Bella-Lee Oct 2020

Untitled

I wish i could look up at the skys,
And just see the stars.
Instead of devils eyes,
Looking back at me.

106 · Aug 2020

Books

Bella-Lee Aug 2020

Books

I remember,
Running my fingers down the rounded frail page edges.
Searing with pain yet,
Somehow red wasn’t found seeped in the book.
The must of it,
Smelled of grandmothers, dust and home.
How do words,
Twisted into fairy tales take you home?
It really is amazing,
The imaginary feeling just as real as real life.

I don’t read,
Much any more than poetry on my screen.
Or if I do,
It’s chapter long textbooks filled with mind numbing facts.
Sometimes,
I crack open my brain and a book.
Just to feel,
As though I am at home and free.

106 · Sep 2020

Safe

Bella-Lee Sep 2020

Safe

Let me dig my head into your neck,
To cry on your shoulder.
Let go of my pain,
Sleep safely in your arms.

In a prison called life,
You're my freedom.
Dont let me go,
Or i will certainly be doomed.

105 · Sep 2019

Vaccum

Bella-Lee Sep 2019

Vaccum

You ****** up my sadness,
And happiness seemed to go with it.
Now I'm alot less,
Than I was without you.

But now you're gone,
And I still feel lost.

105 · Oct 2020

?

Bella-Lee Oct 2020

?

Our hearts are the same,
How does that work?
Trying not to fall in love,
But what is trying worth?

Absolve me,
And take me away...

104 · Aug 2019

Skys

Bella-Lee Aug 2019

Skys

Purple, Pink and Blue,
I'll be up there soon.
Bright, light, the day is new,
Let it heal all your wounds.
Pink, Orange, Blue, Purple,
Out comes the new moon.
Back from it's semicircle,
And the stars welcome me.
I'll be there soon...

104 · Sep 2019

Written

Bella-Lee Sep 2019

Written

I'm sixteen,
Im a teenage poet.
I don't have any words to say,
But the words I wrote.
Cause from out of mouth they fray,
The meaning of words as we know it.
The things written,
Are things that stay.
And the rest?
The things we say,
Will just wither away.

102 · Mar 2020

Anxiety

Bella-Lee Mar 2020

Anxiety

Talking about anxiety,
Has to be the worst for me.
For some reason it kicks in,
Maybe because I don't want to talk about.

I realise I have anxiety,
In everything I have done and I do.
For some reason it gets worse,
Every now and then.

I can't control my anxiety,
Stressing makes it so much worse.
Some times I wish I didn't have it,
Maybe life would be better.

I have bad anxiety,
My parents deny it.
Sometimes I wish they'd help,
But they just make it worse.

102 · Sep 2020

Ocean Heartbreak

Bella-Lee Sep 2020

Ocean Heartbreak

I wish you begged me to stay,
But you let me go.
Just like the ocean,
Does to its waves.

I crashed down,
You only saw the surface.
Drowning in a rip,
Just under the surf.

102 · Nov 2019

Toy

Bella-Lee Nov 2019

Toy

Treat me like I'm a b**ch,
Ill treat you like my toy.
Ill chew you up and spit you out,
You'll wish you were a boy.
Cause just like Pinocchio,
Your long nosed due to lies.
But like that wooden doll,
You're nothing but my toys.

101 · Sep 2019

Stay

Bella-Lee Sep 2019

Stay

Stay,
If you will.
Do not go away,
For I will not move; I will stand still.
The demons slowly killing you I will slay,
Stop listening to their thoughts eering,
The thoughts they whisper.
Stop fearing;
That the blade in your heart,
Will keep going deeper.
Do not fade,
For I would Trade;
Anything just for a glisp.
Even if just like the wind you wisp,
Away from me.
My heart will not whither away,
Just stay.

Please... Just stay...

#stay

101 · Jun 2020

Craving

Bella-Lee Jun 2020

Craving

I found myself craving,
Attention of those I've never liked
Love from those who seemed to not show
Company when surrounded by people
Sadness and to take it from others lows

I found myself craving,
Not just food like I do when I'm stressed.
But all the reasons that make someone,
like me...
Depressed...

100 · Mar 2020

Dreams from Memories

Bella-Lee Mar 2020

Dreams from Memories

Day dreams bring back,
Memories of his presence.

Forgetting him slowly,
Forget still in present-tense.

In dreams I forgot,
His fragile but poisonous kiss.

Haunted memories of him,
I will never miss.

Days pass by me,
Maybe weeks or years.

Now I look with two eyes,
And hear with two ears.

Avoiding the memories,
The evaporating dreams.

That still allure me,
To that same night with no screams.

Sleep paralysis caught me,
In a dream with all fears.

When I'm let go again,
I'm greeted by the ghost of his sneers.

Let my memories go

99 · Aug 2020

Set us free

Bella-Lee Aug 2020

Set us free

Somethings set us free,
Things we need to be
Ourselves.

But do we really need,
Such drugs and infidelities
To be free.

We're kept trapped by ourselves,
Until it all runs out of us
And sets our bodies free...

Walk into the light,
And there stay
Yourself.

99 · Aug 2020

Driving

Bella-Lee Aug 2020

Driving

Driving on the road,
Free and unbounded.
Uprooting the seeds sowed,
Of dependency.
One thing that makes us,
Free.
Or can take all of our,
Freedom.

99 · May 2020

Midnight showers

Bella-Lee May 2020

Midnight showers

I shower at midnight,
Cause it's quieter that time.
And as the water falls off my shoulders,
My quiet mind beings to rhyme.
No paper to record it,
It's better for the mind.
To let go of something to the water,
A bad memory to never again find.

99 · Feb 2020

Before 20

Bella-Lee Feb 2020

Before 20

If I'm lucky,
I die before I'm 20.

I just need a couple things of the checklist:
1. Start drinking,
Check
2. Lose my virginity
Check
3. Drugs
Check
4. Europe - Particularly France
And I forgot the rest living in this trance.

See apart from this...
I want to change the world,
But I don't have to make a difference if I die.
And if I say I want to live,
Then am I not just living a lie?

If I live past 20,
I want to have kids.
A back up plan,
Or so I say.
That if I don't **** myself by then,
I have one last reason to live.

A friend texted me alot of this stuff. Like he has no purpose to life. It shocked me because he is wonderful. I don't see how he's so down but I understand myself and feel like sometimes I'd understand. I try so hard to stop him feeling like this but it just doesn't work. Inspired by my friend I wrote this, I'm not sure how poetic it is tho

99 · Dec 2019

In between

Bella-Lee Dec 2019

In between

There is truth, lies and the in between,
Because somehow there is always some truth in the lies.
Somehow I feel there's lies behind the truth too though,
And yes I know it gives me too, those butterflies.
In between all those lies and truths,
Either way they hurt.
And each pile upon eachother like a Janga game,
Pulling out one by one avoid that feeling of anxiousness, the burning heat.
In between is the truth and lies themselves,
Without one there is never the other.
With one there is always the other like a toxic relationship,
The in between it's always been there and it'll always be here.
And if you read in between the lines,
You'll see it.

98 · Oct 2020

•

Bella-Lee Oct 2020

•

I still wish to hold you the same way,
Hoping maybe one day you'll feel it too.
But do you even care about me?
I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

98 · Aug 2019

Midnight Blues

Bella-Lee Aug 2019

Midnight Blues

This is not something I choose,
I need help with midnight blues
I need help to keep on my smile,
Knowing this might take a little awhile
But that is not new news

I keep to myself
But i keep falling and falling and falling in deeper
Bunch over myself
I can't control tears from falling and and falling and falling down further
Soon I will have cried myself,
A river...

Sooner or later I'll have myself a river
Blue, lovely and pretty
Lately all those boys are flowing
down on a boat,
Guided by someone else's hands
Caring to much when I shouldn't
But when I don't it hurts

Just posted a few for right now :) sorry for being so depressed all the time...

#depression

97 · Dec 2019

Falling in love

Bella-Lee Dec 2019

Falling in love

Mother always told me,
Don't be quick to love...
But now I'm falling,
Falling in love.
I can't get up now,
But I like falling... in love...
With you <3

96 · Nov 2019

Heartbeat

Bella-Lee Nov 2019

Heartbeat

On your chest,
My head rests.
Hearing it beat,
Slow and steady.
Then you rest,
Your head on my chest.
Both our heat beats,
Rise and amplify.
And we lean in,
And they stop.
But when you kiss me,
We come back to life.
Our hearts beat,
Forever fast together.

96 · Nov 2019

Unlonely

Bella-Lee Nov 2019

Unlonely

I'm not lonely again,
I made some friends.
I have a boyfriend,
But I'm not sure if this will end.
Not my relationships,
But the feeling of happiness.
Cause I'm way happier than before,
I don't want to be any less

96 · Sep 2020

come with me

Bella-Lee Sep 2020

come with me

I dont wanna have to go,
Be a thousand miles away.
You love me, yes, I know,
I wish that I could stay.
But I've got to move forward,
I have no where left.
If only this was better timed,
One last cherry lipped kiss.
Or come run away with me,
Please come along with me...
I dont want to be alone,
One year is too long
To be without you...

95 · Oct 2020

Elements of lost love

Bella-Lee Oct 2020

Elements of lost love

The air was howling out your name
It scared me.
Natures going insane
Becareful.
Cause if you're not you might
Fall down.
Fall down to your knees.
Its not just the wolves howling now.

Let me go
Like the wind lets go of the leaves.
Let me flow
Through and in the autumn breeze.
Let me go
I dont need you any more
Cause you didn't need me.

Let me go.

I wish you begged me to stay,
But you let me go.
Just like the ocean,
Does to its waves.
As they crash down on the shores.
Tumbling upside down just like my life.

I crashed down,
But you only saw the surface.
Drowning in a rip curl,
Just under the surf.

Let me go
Like the ocean does to the waves.
Let me flow
Round and round like the water to shores.
Let me go
I dont need you any more
Cause you waved goodbye on our love.

It didn't go out with the bang you thought.
You burnt me
Kept on the heat till the light died out
Passion and hope
Couldn't keep this thing from going now.

Let me go
The flames burnt down to ashes.
Let me cremate
I dont mind, everyone dies.
Let me go
My hearts gone cold
And your fire won't put it back

If all our elements
Together made something dangerous.
How could we keep going
When its inevitable
The end is here

95 · Feb 2020

Updating

Bella-Lee Feb 2020

Updating

Update...
Loading...
In this feature,
Stressing,
Freedom,
Working,
Death.
Are taken,
Up a level.
Wish to install,
Adulthood?

No...

95 · Aug 2019

I love you

Bella-Lee Aug 2019

I love you

I love you...
Three words said to often,
The meaning is nothing...
Three words that heart mend,
And break and bend...
I love you...
He never meant it,
Just send it...
I love you...
Three words to use the abused,
But they never end up as bruised...

95 · Aug 2019

Teachers Teach

Bella-Lee Aug 2019

Teachers Teach

Past year ten,
You don't have to be here.
Don't have to sit,
And listen.
It's all up to you,
To make your education dear.
And whether they want,
Teachers are unforgiving.

95 · Feb 2020

Death, where, it is sweet

Bella-Lee Feb 2020

Death, where, it is sweet

Life is nothing without the sweet bitter taste of death,
Where,
The light is consumed with an endless darkness that eases the soul to its rest.
And,
Love is now a gracious memory lost to time,
Just,
Like a simple key change in a melody.
For death,
Consumes the life of its consumers,
And,
Causes life to cherish those lost in the pale dirt.

95 · Apr 2020

Bleed

Bella-Lee Apr 2020

Bleed

You bleed,
Just to know you're alive.
You hurt,
Just to prove you survived.
You'd do anything,
Just to go back to normal life.

Now read it backwards 🙃

94 · Sep 2020

Why?

Bella-Lee Sep 2020

Why?

Why can't we love,
Whom or who we love?
Without fear of abandonment,
Or resentment.
Why can't my mother trust?
I just want to figure it out myself.
I know what's best,
For me and I just want MY love.

94 · Jun 2020

wrong

Bella-Lee Jun 2020

wrong

What is wrong with you?
Why can't you seem to understand this?
How many times do i have to go through, this?
Is there something wrong with you?
I know you aren't stupid, but are you?

What is wrong with you?

'I don't know...
I can't think like this...
What is wrong with me?'

93 · Sep 2019

Pawns

Bella-Lee Sep 2019

Pawns

Am I who you want or am I just another one of ur pawns in this game we call life?
At the start I am not valuable but when I reach the end I am a queen...
After all the moves I make,
All the steps I am going to take,
I will be stronger without a king.
The king taking one step,
slowly tip toing around uprising situations.
While I can destroy you oh glorious king.
And if such rivalries come across,
I will swipe the board clean before the death of my king.
Your knights knocked off of there horses high,
And your bishop's will slowly die.
Both ur castles crumbling down,
your queen her blood so dark she shall shorely drown.
Each pawn making it's way off the game.
Whether your white or black, bad or good, you must pick your side for the one im not on shall always end in disaster...