Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
He loves me,
I love him.
Together forever,
Sink or swim.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
I've been smiling for so long now,
I almost forgot how much it hurts to cry...
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
The stars glowed above her,
The luminescent blue and purple lay across her body.
And there she laid.
Her hair swept over her face,
Impending her vision.
It shook the trees that lie rooted deep in the earth.
And the clouds wept over her frail body,
The beat of their tears resembling such as hers.
Deep rooted like the trees her body grasped on to the loose soil,
Intertwining it in vines.
Majestic as the sunrise,
It shone down bearing life to the lifeless body.
Help me make sense of my feelings
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Just because I don't have,
A lovely voice to sing...
Doesn't mean I can't write,
Words that will sting...
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Your dull but bright light blinds me.
Your smile inhibiting my vision, don't you see?
I don't know where to being,
But my heart deep within.
Unlock my happiness, you are the key.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
You didn't see,
But I did a little flip.
The words lit up me,
And now I'm just smiling...
Bella-Lee Oct 2020
Our hearts are the same,
How does that work?
Trying not to fall in love,
But what is trying worth?

Absolve me,
And take me away...
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Is there such thing as,
Too much...
Too much love??
Bella-Lee Feb 2020
Hopefully death graces my lips,
That were once full of life.
And taking me with one,
Final fatal breathless kiss.
***** my soul and my will,
Out of my quaking body.
Bella-Lee Oct 2020
I still wish to hold you the same way,
Hoping maybe one day you'll feel it too.
But do you even care about me?
I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
Black and White,
That's all you had to be.
You gave yourself to someone else,
And I got left with the darker
50 shades of your grey.
Bella-Lee Sep 2022
sometimes i forget im nineteen,
still young but lost track of my dream.
all my friends are getting married,
and having kids and it seems my dream has already ended.
i feel rushed and pushed to have a good career,
to start my own family and be a good caretaker.
im scared cause ive always wanted this,
but time keeps seeming to slip away and i thought i has more to finish the lists.
sometimes i forget im nineteen,
i feel more like im closer to twenty...
Bella-Lee Aug 2022
You are the pumpkin to my pie,
My cherry on top of a sunday.
You are the light to my eye,
And I will love you everyday...
For as long as I am alive,
You complete me!
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
I love you
I want you
Don't leave me
I'll never leave
Are you here
Are you okay
I am fine
I am done
Promises mean nothing
I hate you
I do too
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
I open up my head,
Pour it on the page.
Emotions they spill out,
Now all are done and dead.

Frail to the point I'd break,
My body is this empty shell.
Fuelled by the fire deep below,
My stale heart beat a gift from hell.

And as my body burns down,
To the smallest of ashes.
I remember exactly how fast,
All this lingering time passes.

I open up my head,
Real it out piece by piece.
Fix this broken puzzle,
Leave my emotions in peace.

Remember a twig is connected to a trunk,
Build this body up stable and strong.
The fire that fuels my heart will,
Give passion and love forever long.

And as my body wears and tears down,
Slowly draining such a life better life from me.
I remember exactly how much,
I don't want to be six feet underground.
Poem made and inspired by my previous suicidal self. Don't give up.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
You accept that...
I'm broken
And falling apart.
But you understand that...
Time will fix
This broken heart.
And you're willing to...
Stay and help me
And I...
Love you for that
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
I stared at the screen like an addict,
waiting for that flashing light to blink.
The dial tone of my phone's gone static,
waiting for you to pick up it.
I write on the page with all my ink,
and spill it on words hoping that you'd stick
Stick around like this addiction typical,
I have on every word you type.
Sipping the poison of your lips,
Like these flowing words and lymirics.
I inhaled your breath and puffed away,
Getting high off of every word that you say.
And then freedom...
I didn't even get to taste your lips,
or feel your hands on my hips.
I never got to hear your heart,
or be there for even one single breath.
We called,
We videoed,
We laughed,
We smiled...
And I didn't need your touch to know that you,
To know that you were there for me...
But you did.
That was your addiction.
Constantly wanting someone to be there,
next to you.
So you threw away the old,
And tried to find something new.
Stronger than the last,
something to change your path.
A stronger drug,
but you fell back into my texts.
And told me about your lipstick covered drugs,
The ones you said you didn't compare to me.
When you were the only addiction I had,
That I never even had...
Ah I'm love drunk again
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Smile, Love; Break again
The same way again
The same ending again
Make mistakes; Last chance again
Get up again
Get up out of bed again
Be happy; Love again
I'll give you a chance,
To let me love again
To feel my heart dance,
Because if I never stopped
Never stopped loving you,
There's never an again to feel that...
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Wishing I can breathe,
In a word full of breathable air.
Still however choking,
On the air inside my lungs.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
I learned to fend,
For myself.
Cause in the end,
Everyone ends up alone.
Searching for a friend,
Through the screen of a phone...
Love I will lend,
Until I wind up alone again.
Bella-Lee Jun 2021
Will I ever be missed if I just
Disappear ?
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Not now,
When I need to talk.
Can you stop,
Please just let me walk.
Somethings wrong.
Stop this,
I don't want to write another sad song.
Is killing me.
I can only speak sometimes can't you see.
No, yes, please,
Speak to me.
Don't leave me again,
I just want it to leave.
My anxiety started to loom over me at work... It's so hard to talk and work at the checkout when you can't move.
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Talking about anxiety,
Has to be the worst for me.
For some reason it kicks in,
Maybe because I don't want to talk about.

I realise I have anxiety,
In everything I have done and I do.
For some reason it gets worse,
Every now and then.

I can't control my anxiety,
Stressing makes it so much worse.
Some times I wish I didn't have it,
Maybe life would be better.

I have bad anxiety,
My parents deny it.
Sometimes I wish they'd help,
But they just make it worse.
Bella-Lee Sep 2022
You said I cheated...
I didn't,
I didn't cheat on you.
It is not my fault your abuse,
Caused my emotions to flow into other palms.
I didn't ever physically cheat on you,
No I didn't have s*x with another.
But I did thinking of whether,
I would be better with someone else.
I thought of breaking up with you,
Everytime you held me after screaming at me.
I thought of a life without you,
I thought of kissing him too.
I regret that with all my mind,
But Im glad I am rid of you.
Life is better without you,
Im glad I never loved you.
So I am sorry for wasting my time,
And with this writing I leave you from my mind.
I hate you,
But I am free now.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
Left or right?
A treat of minds delight.
There is nothing left to write,
Words mean nothing.
Unless specifically ordered,
To mean something.
Since when did stress,
Become this monster forcing me to dress
Like her because she's liked.
Here's the thing,
Sometimes I think, maybe I can do this.
Just one blink, a moment to quickly pass.
I can do... This.
You know?
But not even if one thing is wrong,
Words turn stress into the monster.
Why can't I be like her?
Why can't I ever be like her?...
But this monster does not leave.
No, sometimes I have to convince myself,
That maybe dreams come true.
And just like most of my happy memories,
That this monster will go away too.
But that little girl inside,
Inside of me, is better off dead.
For she already died when I realised,
People only care about the outside.
Yeah, on the inside she's dead,
Cause all good things come to an end.
But outside, it's so easy to fake,
A smile, fake a laugh.
Oh it's all a lie, but you ask why?...
Because everyday I have to push away,
my anxiety and say goodbye.
But like a good friend it comes back,
And says hi...
And then I'm scared.
That the whispers will come back.
Just sometimes I think,
Maybe if nothing changed when I was nine,
I would be just... fine.
But I'm fine, you know?
Using my smile as make up.
Just so I can show up - happy?
No, I am still a child,
And the whispers that once flaunted me,
Now haunt me with,
Muffled, misunderstood, murmured, meticulous, murderous, memories.
And what's left?
Left of myself after everything,
That I've been through...
Just lead to the conclusion,
That the little girl I was became snuffed out,
Not by darkness but by others light.
And concluded that all people care about,
Is their sight...
But I'm not much to look at,
I am but, broken hearted,
Broken bones, burnt, bunched in bundles,
Buried deep within my complex,
Mind, body, soul...
But sooner or later,
By one or another,
I will be manipulated to be used,
For man's malicious intent again...
And nothing will be left,
But my minds' midnight delights...
Sorry for such the big poem... it's supposed to be spoken but I wanted to share it! Thanks for listening to my rants through words and poetry.
Bella-Lee May 2021
And just like that I'm falling again
Dont wanna see this one end
With a smile sweet as honey
Giggling "Please stop baby"
But boy your lips are my drug
Always safe embraced in your hug
If I die in your arms
Its the place Im supposed to be.
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
I can feel my heart,
But sometimes I wish it was beating,
A little faster.
And other times I wish,
There was no beat at all.
Bella-Lee Feb 2020
If I'm lucky,
I die before I'm 20.

I just need a couple things of the checklist:
1. Start drinking,
2. Lose my virginity
3. Drugs
4. Europe - Particularly France
And I forgot the rest living in this trance.

See apart from this...
I want to change the world,
But I don't have to make a difference if I die.
And if I say I want to live,
Then am I not just living a lie?

If I live past 20,
I want to have kids.
A back up plan,
Or so I say.
That if I don't **** myself by then,
I have one last reason to live.
A friend texted me alot of this stuff. Like he has no purpose to life. It shocked me because he is wonderful. I don't see how he's so down but I understand myself and feel like sometimes I'd understand. I try so hard to stop him feeling like this but it just doesn't work. Inspired by my friend I wrote this, I'm not sure how poetic it is tho
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
Be happy,
You got through today.
Be happy,
I'll tell myself everyday.
Be happy,
Even when you're ******.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
Blame me,
I don't mind.
Capture the smile,
I hope you will find.
Blame me, I am the problem... I'll never be enough
Bella-Lee Apr 2020
You bleed,
Just to know you're alive.
You hurt,
Just to prove you survived.
You'd do anything,
Just to go back to normal life.
Now read it backwards 🙃
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
They sparkle like the sky,
And refrain from saying goodbye...
But your eyes will never glaze over me,
For I am not someone you will ever see.
I'm invisible to the blue eyed,
The blonde brained...
You are broken by some other girl,
But I wish I could be your world...
I could show you what you deserve,
No your love would never swerve...
You blue eyed treasure,
You'd love me but I'm not too sure...
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
I'm open,
Like a book.
Come step in,
Just take a look.
With my heart,
It will unlock.
My minds smart,
Enter with just a knock.
And my thoughts will be seen,
On the pages of the open book.
Bella-Lee Aug 2020
I remember,
Running my fingers down the rounded frail page edges.
Searing with pain yet,
Somehow red wasn’t found seeped in the book.
The must of it,
Smelled of grandmothers, dust and home.
How do words,
Twisted into fairy tales take you home?
It really is amazing,
The imaginary feeling just as real as real life.

I don’t read,
Much any more than poetry on my screen.
Or if I do,
It’s chapter long textbooks filled with mind numbing facts.
I crack open my brain and a book.
Just to feel,
As though I am at home and free.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Can we kiss forever,
Just you and me?
I don't care,
If we need to breathe.
Every time I'm around you,
I lose my breath.
So why do we need to breathe,
When I have no breath to spare.
Can we kiss forever,
While we still don't need to breathe?
While you still love me and I love you... while you still lose your breath over seeing me... maybe, it's not that hard to kiss forever... I just want to be with you forever....
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
I forgot about you,
After all the drama
We both went through.
Connected over broken hearts,
That's how all new love starts.
It's easy to cry,
And not as hard
To try and die.
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
It started burning,
Flames buried the ground in ashes.
Our hearts are churning,
Susceptible to the new heat flashes.

Earth's lungs dying,
It's dire dying last breath.
Wind is no longer flying,
Through the tree tops - Because there is nothing left...

And we'll be left standing,
Moping around doing absolutely nothing.
Thinking everything's everlasting,
When everything around - is disintegrating...
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Out with the old in with the new,
Did you ever want me like I wanted you?
How do you move on so fast,
And forget our entire past?
Trapped in this prison of me losing you,
I can't believe I wanted you.
Currently I've been posting old poems I've written back in August 2018...
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
If you want change,
Make a change.
It is up to you,
To deam what is true.
Bella-Lee May 2020
Words become colours,
Dancing off the page.
Some the rainbow,
Some black, grey or baige.

Each colour a different story,
Blending to an ending.
But if rainbows don't end,
Is there no such thing as happy endings?
Bella-Lee Sep 2020
I dont wanna have to go,
Be a thousand miles away.
You love me, yes, I know,
I wish that I could stay.
But I've got to move forward,
I have no where left.
If only this was better timed,
One last cherry lipped kiss.
Or come run away with me,
Please come along with me...
I dont want to be alone,
One year is too long
To be without you...
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Go away.
I don't want
Or There.
But I can't find you anywhere.
I want you,
I want you-r body;
I don't want to see you.
I want to stay,
I'm going to leave.
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
"I'm original!"
"I'm not loved"
We are not original,
We will never be original...
Bella-Lee Jun 2020
I found myself craving,
Attention of those I've never liked
Love from those who seemed to not show
Company when surrounded by people
Sadness and to take it from others lows

I found myself craving,
Not just food like I do when I'm stressed.
But all the reasons that make someone,
like me...
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
In the moment
Days are long,
And they seem
To Just drag on.
But when you look
At each day,
Time seems to be,
Slipping away.
But when I'm with you
Seconds, minutes, hours, days stop still.
And my heart and time
And my devotion you fill.
Bored and lonely... What fills my day? Poetry...
Bella-Lee Feb 2020
Life is nothing without the sweet bitter taste of death,
The light is consumed with an endless darkness that eases the soul to its rest.
Love is now a gracious memory lost to time,
Like a simple key change in a melody.
For death,
Consumes the life of its consumers,
Causes life to cherish those lost in the pale dirt.
Bella-Lee Sep 2022
i'm not sure why I am sad?...
but every tear that graces my cheek,
has the meaning im lacking words for...
Bella-Lee Nov 2020
The devil gave me wings,
And taught me how to fly.
Cause the angels let me down,
And left me here to die.

There's darkness all around,
I only see one light.
Who knew it was him,
Goodnight. xo
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Don't you dare do it,
You better not go through with it;
Not one little slit.

Don't you dare leave me,
I know it hurts so so much;
I care for you please see.

Suicide is not an option,
I know you have depression;
Just let me help alittle.

Just know if the sun
Sets again today, you always know;
The moon will rise again...
Just like tomorrow...
My friends go through tough times and it hurts to see them even tell me they are considering giving up because there is nothing left to live for and that no one will care. One of my good long distance friends told me they were considering it and I broke down in tears... I never want this to have anything like this happen to anyone... And I definitely don't want to lay up at night feeling like I didn't do enough to stop it from happening... there will always be someone for you and if not, I will always be here for everyone and anyone... Please spread love and positivity, a wise man I met once told me that if the sun still sets, the moon will still rise so live for tomorrow... Don't leave, don't you dare give up. Just like the sun you will come down but you will always rise again tomorrow. You are you, tomorrow you will be new.
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Day dreams bring back,
Memories of his presence.

Forgetting him slowly,
Forget still in present-tense.

In dreams I forgot,
His fragile but poisonous kiss.

Haunted memories of him,
I will never miss.

Days pass by me,
Maybe weeks or years.

Now I look with two eyes,
And hear with two ears.

Avoiding the memories,
The evaporating dreams.

That still allure me,
To that same night with no screams.

Sleep paralysis caught me,
In a dream with all fears.

When I'm let go again,
I'm greeted by the ghost of his sneers.
Let my memories go
Next page