He loves me,
I love him.
Together forever,
Sink or swim.

I've been smiling for so long now,
I almost forgot how much it hurts to cry...

The stars glowed above her,
The luminescent blue and purple lay across her body.
And there she laid.
Her hair swept over her face,
Impending her vision.
It shook the trees that lie rooted deep in the earth.
And the clouds wept over her frail body,
The beat of their tears resembling such as hers.
Deep rooted like the trees her body grasped on to the loose soil,
Intertwining it in vines.
Majestic as the sunrise,
It shone down bearing life to the lifeless body.

You didn't see,
But I did a little flip.
The words lit up me,
And now I'm just smiling...

Is there such thing as,
Too much...
Too much love??

Our hearts are the same,
How does that work?
Trying not to fall in love,
But what is trying worth?

Absolve me,
And take me away...

Hopefully death graces my lips,
That were once full of life.
And taking me with one,
Final fatal breathless kiss.
***** my soul and my will,
Out of my quaking body.

Black and White,
That's all you had to be.
You gave yourself to someone else,
And I got left with the darker
50 shades of your grey.

You are the pumpkin to my pie,
My cherry on top of a sunday.
You are the light to my eye,
And I will love you everyday...
For as long as I am alive,
You complete me!

I love you
I want you
Don't leave me
I'll never leave
Are you here
Are you okay
I am fine
I am done
Promises mean nothing
I hate you
I do too

I open up my head,
Pour it on the page.
Emotions they spill out,
Now all are done and dead.

Frail to the point I'd break,
My body is this empty shell.
Fuelled by the fire deep below,
My stale heart beat a gift from hell.

And as my body burns down,
To the smallest of ashes.
I remember exactly how fast,
All this lingering time passes.

I open up my head,
Real it out piece by piece.
Fix this broken puzzle,
Leave my emotions in peace.

Remember a twig is connected to a trunk,
Build this body up stable and strong.
The fire that fuels my heart will,
Give passion and love forever long.

And as my body wears and tears down,
Slowly draining such a life better life from me.
I remember exactly how much,
I don't want to be six feet underground.

I stared at the screen like an addict,
waiting for that flashing light to blink.
The dial tone of my phone's gone static,
waiting for you to pick up it.
I write on the page with all my ink,
and spill it on words hoping that you'd stick
Around.
Stick around like this addiction typical,
I have on every word you type.
Sipping the poison of your lips,
Like these flowing words and lymirics.
I inhaled your breath and puffed away,
Getting high off of every word that you say.
One.
More.
Short.
Breath.
And then freedom...
I didn't even get to taste your lips,
or feel your hands on my hips.
I never got to hear your heart,
or be there for even one single breath.
Instead.
We called,
We videoed,
We laughed,
We smiled...
And I didn't need your touch to know that you,
To know that you were there for me...
But you did.
That was your addiction.
Constantly wanting someone to be there,
next to you.
So you threw away the old,
And tried to find something new.
Stronger than the last,
something to change your path.
A stronger drug,
but you fell back into my texts.
And told me about your lipstick covered drugs,
The ones you said you didn't compare to me.
When you were the only addiction I had,
That I never even had...

Smile, Love; Break again
The same way again
The same ending again
Make mistakes; Last chance again
Get up again
Get up out of bed again
Be happy; Love again
I'll give you a chance,
To let me love again
To feel my heart dance,
Because if I never stopped
Never stopped loving you,
There's never an again to feel that...

Wishing I can breathe,
In a word full of breathable air.
Still however choking,
On the air inside my lungs.

Will I ever be missed if I just
Disappear ?

Talking about anxiety,
Has to be the worst for me.
For some reason it kicks in,
Maybe because I don't want to talk about.

I realise I have anxiety,
In everything I have done and I do.
For some reason it gets worse,
Every now and then.

I can't control my anxiety,
Stressing makes it so much worse.
Some times I wish I didn't have it,
Maybe life would be better.

I have bad anxiety,
My parents deny it.
Sometimes I wish they'd help,
But they just make it worse.

You said I cheated...
I didn't,
I didn't cheat on you.
It is not my fault your abuse,
Caused my emotions to flow into other palms.
I didn't ever physically cheat on you,
No I didn't have s*x with another.
But I did thinking of whether,
I would be better with someone else.
I thought of breaking up with you,
Everytime you held me after screaming at me.
I thought of a life without you,
I thought of kissing him too.
I regret that with all my mind,
But Im glad I am rid of you.
Life is better without you,
Im glad I never loved you.
So I am sorry for wasting my time,
And with this writing I leave you from my mind.
I hate you,
But I am free now.

Left or right?
A treat of minds delight.
There is nothing left to write,
Words mean nothing.
Unless specifically ordered,
To mean something.
Like,
Since when did stress,
Become this monster forcing me to dress
Like her because she's liked.
Here's the thing,
Sometimes I think, maybe I can do this.
Just one blink, a moment to quickly pass.
I can do... This.
You know?
But not even if one thing is wrong,
Words turn stress into the monster.
Why can't I be like her?
Why can't I ever be like her?...
Perfect.
But this monster does not leave.
No, sometimes I have to convince myself,
That maybe dreams come true.
And just like most of my happy memories,
That this monster will go away too.
But that little girl inside,
Inside of me, is better off dead.
For she already died when I realised,
People only care about the outside.
Yeah, on the inside she's dead,
Cause all good things come to an end.
Right?
But outside, it's so easy to fake,
A smile, fake a laugh.
Oh it's all a lie, but you ask why?...
Because everyday I have to push away,
my anxiety and say goodbye.
But like a good friend it comes back,
And says hi...
And then I'm scared.
That the whispers will come back.
Just sometimes I think,
Maybe if nothing changed when I was nine,
I would be just... fine.
But I'm fine, you know?
Using my smile as make up.
Just so I can show up - happy?
No, I am still a child,
And the whispers that once flaunted me,
Now haunt me with,
Muffled, misunderstood, murmured, meticulous, murderous, memories.
And what's left?
Left of myself after everything,
That I've been through...
Just lead to the conclusion,
That the little girl I was became snuffed out,
Not by darkness but by others light.
And concluded that all people care about,
Is their sight...
But I'm not much to look at,
Right?
I am but, broken hearted,
Promises,
Broken bones, burnt, bunched in bundles,
Buried deep within my complex,
Mind, body, soul...
But sooner or later,
By one or another,
I will be manipulated to be used,
For man's malicious intent again...
And nothing will be left,
But my minds' midnight delights...

And just like that I'm falling again
Dont wanna see this one end
With a smile sweet as honey
Giggling "Please stop baby"
But boy your lips are my drug
Always safe embraced in your hug
If I die in your arms
Its the place Im supposed to be.

If I'm lucky,
I die before I'm 20.

I just need a couple things of the checklist:
1. Start drinking,
Check
2. Lose my virginity
Check
3. Drugs
Check
4. Europe - Particularly France
And I forgot the rest living in this trance.

See apart from this...
I want to change the world,
But I don't have to make a difference if I die.
And if I say I want to live,
Then am I not just living a lie?

If I live past 20,
I want to have kids.
A back up plan,
Or so I say.
That if I don't **** myself by then,
I have one last reason to live.

Be happy,
You got through today.
Be happy,
I'll tell myself everyday.
Be happy,
Even when you're ******.

You bleed,
Just to know you're alive.
You hurt,
Just to prove you survived.
You'd do anything,
Just to go back to normal life.

I'm open,
Like a book.
Come step in,
Just take a look.
With my heart,
It will unlock.
My minds smart,
Enter with just a knock.
And my thoughts will be seen,
On the pages of the open book.

I remember,
Running my fingers down the rounded frail page edges.
Searing with pain yet,
Somehow red wasn’t found seeped in the book.
The must of it,
Smelled of grandmothers, dust and home.
How do words,
Twisted into fairy tales take you home?
It really is amazing,
The imaginary feeling just as real as real life.

I don’t read,
Much any more than poetry on my screen.
Or if I do,
It’s chapter long textbooks filled with mind numbing facts.
Sometimes,
I crack open my brain and a book.
Just to feel,
As though I am at home and free.

Can we kiss forever,
Just you and me?
I don't care,
If we need to breathe.
Every time I'm around you,
I lose my breath.
So why do we need to breathe,
When I have no breath to spare.
Can we kiss forever,
While we still don't need to breathe?

It started burning,
Flames buried the ground in ashes.
Our hearts are churning,
Susceptible to the new heat flashes.

Earth's lungs dying,
It's dire dying last breath.
Wind is no longer flying,
Through the tree tops - Because there is nothing left...

And we'll be left standing,
Moping around doing absolutely nothing.
Thinking everything's everlasting,
When everything around - is disintegrating...

If you want change,
Make a change.
It is up to you,
To deam what is true.

I dont wanna have to go,
Be a thousand miles away.
You love me, yes, I know,
I wish that I could stay.
But I've got to move forward,
I have no where left.
If only this was better timed,
One last cherry lipped kiss.
Or come run away with me,
Please come along with me...
I dont want to be alone,
One year is too long
To be without you...

"I'm original!"
copyright
"I'm not loved"
copyright
Words...
copyright
We are not original,
We will never be original...
*copyrighted

In the moment
Days are long,
And they seem
To Just drag on.
But when you look
At each day,
Time seems to be,
Slipping away.
But when I'm with you
Seconds, minutes, hours, days stop still.
And my heart and time
And my devotion you fill.