this house we built out of love
has fallen under the weight
of needing each other
with the miles and oceans
that separate us.
our bones are breaking
and we are drowning
in the dirt
in the rubble of our memories,
the smoke chokes us
and we cannot breathe.

the weight in my chest
tell me that i simply want to be
where you are.

you always say you were never good with words,
but it's your wide eyes
and strong hands, soft touch,
that speak to me in hushed tones

as for me, my heart goes wild
with mad love and adoration for you,
so much that when i try to speak
the words stumble and i am tongue tied

so it always ends with you
and me
and the quiet
and the way we both lack a way with words,
yet the comfortable silence we share
amplifies the light of love
bursting in our hearts

someone once told me people do their best dreaming while they're asleep.

i don't buy it.

on the contrary,
i think people do their best dreaming whilst awake.

that's when they're the most tangible,
and are more easily remembered,
or acted upon.

take action!
stand up, don't wallow in self pity and hopelessness.

don't you want to taste achievement on your tongue and feel accomplishment swell inside your chest?

you want something?

then get up and go get it!
no one's holding you back.

do your best dreaming when you're awake.

If only my heart had words to speak
It would tell you I am here, I am here
I give you a piece of myself
Do with it what you please

And if these hands could challenge my resistance,
They would have found their way into yours
Clumsy and nervous
Waiting for your fingers to vine into mine

If my feet led me,
They would sprint towards you
and choreograph our steps
They would not let me leave your side

But they will not, and love will not leave us
And my lips may not press onto yours,
but these dreams will suffice

For now, words are all that holds us,
and the hope of what is fate
The dancing stars in an upside down sky
and the exchange of a morning grin

And my heart cannot speak,
so heat blooms inside of my chest
but one day it will,
when we are both ready

but it sure as hell isn't this silence, it is
not this gnawing sense of self-doubt
that seems to take over everything i do
for you, for me, for us.

i wish you would just talk to me.
explain why you just walked out
as if nothing happened, as if you
didn't care about the wrongness

and the seven thousand thoughts
in my head. i feel like screaming
a hundred times a day and you
can't even bother to call me.

you are not the only one
who's scared all the time.
i'm constantly shaking
and i am always alone.

i'm done being alone.
i need you but i also
need to know that
i can love myself.

Dear you,
I wrote you a letter last night in the middle of an anxiety attack. I didn't know it was addressed to you until about halfway through, but it only makes sense that it all comes back to you. I guess I wanted to write everything that was going on in my head onto paper, to stop thinking about everything and everyone, including you. I keep saying I'm happy for you that things are getting better for you and that you're happier now but I think everyone knows I'm just pretending that I'm not in ruins that you left me for dead. I hope you think about me sometimes, I hope you remember who I used to be.
Love, always,
Me.

you're* the thing i wanted
not the thing i needed
the way your eyes could ****
one day you said you loved me
           but unfortunately,

you died upon that pedestal
because i wouldn't let you down
until you stopped being beautiful