in a red dress i kissed him
yes, on the lips i touched mine to his
and oh god did sparks fly
and oh god did those embers fall to our
feet and
start a fire that will not
can not die and
my scarlet dress still smells like smoke,
his residual fingers still touching me all over
and he is, and forever will be
my everything,
my North, South, East, and West,
my ocean and my stars and
every grain of sand on the beach
and never will i ever
ever
let him go.

he’s so much more than meets the eye
he’s the scars on his body and how he will tell you the story of where they came from a million times
he’s his clammy hands and the way he will hold yours against his chest and grin when you keep it there
he’s the way he brushes your hair behind your shoulder as you speak
he’s his contagious laugh and how his eyes squint at the corners or the dimples in his cheeks
he’s his tight hugs and on his really good days the way he picks you up in his grasp
he’s his adventurous nature and the way his company makes you feel alive and at home all at once
but he’s also the way he shuts you out when he hurts you because he can’t face the fact that he did
he’s he fits of jealousy and how ridiculously he can act
he’s his urge to numb himself and his hate for life because he thinks it’s so pointless
he’s his bad days where you sit on the phone reminding him that he’s worth more than he puts himself through
he’s his snap decisions where he doesn’t think of the consequences of anything he does
he’s all of this and more
he’s intelligent
kind
handsome
reckless
amusing
good hearted
passionate
he’s perfect in his own way and i was in love with him
my god, i was so in love with him
still am really
but i can’t be anymore
two years later and i have to let him go
because i still have the small hope that i might get him back
that it wasn’t all for nothing
we feel unfinished, but maybe that’s just how some things end
i know i would go back to him at the drop of a dime because he was my everything and i miss him so much my chest aches
but i suppose some people just weren’t meant to be
i never fell out of love, i just accepted he wasn’t in it anymore and let it go
so this is the last time i will write about him even though as i finish this there’s so much more i could say
we might have been a mess
complete chaos really
but he made me feel safe and loved and important
i would never be able to thank him for all he’s done for me and how he’s helped me grow
even with the **** he put me through i always forgave and defended him, or tried to, because that was my boy and i loved him
he’s the best first love i could have asked for
he’s one of my best friends
he’s one of the best people i know
and he’s going to do amazing things in life and grow to be an amazing man

You have to go through the storm
Before you can see the rainbow.
Please stay and experience the rainbow with me.
Don't ever let anyone make you think
That you can't make it through the storm.

I don't write love poems
Because I have too much love
Bursting inside

And poetry
Doesn't contain your feelings
It amplifies them
And I don't want

Them inside of me
To burst out
Unable to stay no longer