There's a pit that I've been digging in my chest, trying to find my heart.
I've dug for years but I have finally dug to the bottom of my soul and I've found a festering sore or a heart
A heart that tried,  a heart that hurts.
I've dug so much and so fast that I didn't realize I, myself, am the one who made me empty. It's getting hard to live with myself again, I'm empty, I'm lonely, and tired of the hurt from the festering heart I used call mine. I'm tired of dancing to a tune that everyone else hears differently.

I see more art in my sights at midnight, than at noon.
I feel more emotions running through my veins at midnight, than at noon.
I hear more music in your voice and more music outside at midnight, than at noon.
I taste more stale air and silent breaths at midnight, than noon.
I don't smell anything more at midnight, than noon.
I am more alive at midnight, than noon because I'm accepting of the fact that I'm alone in a cold cruel world that will never do me justice. I can control the feelings I have when I'm most delirious, I know who's awake and ignoring me, than who's awake and avoiding me. I am more at midnight, than noon because I'm in control of everything crazy once it rests for the night, I don't ever rest. There is no rest for the wicked.

The worst part
Of waking up throughout the night
And staying up at the 2A.M mark
Is that it's the loneliest place to reside
Everyone else is asleep living in a dream
And you're stuck with reality
Which is gutting you like a pig
Slitting your wrists
And ripping you limb from limb
It's truly the loneliest place on earth to be.

I still pray to a god I don't believe in and ask for him to save me. I cry late at night, and the water is rising. My eyes are sore from to prickling, my heart is sore from the wear. Each tear that leaves my eyes leaves a little bit more of a space to feel empty. I miss feeling whole and I only feel whole when you give me your attention but once you fall asleep, or once we part even temporarily, I feel the bottomless pit of despair. I guess you're a drug; you get me high as a kite and make me feel good and fun and then when the wind does down I fall until the next breeze picks me up. I feel so ******* empty. I've tried pills, alcohol, and smoke to fill the void, nothing sticks. I'm running away from the inevitable demise of myself.

*** is an itch I can't scratch
I feel the lust coursing through my veins
I feel my nerves cheer at the thought of being touched
I want to be dominated but I also want to dominate I want to roll around each other  and experience the look on your face when I make you ***
I'm a strange ****** being I live only in the confines of moans of pleasure  and the taste of your tongue against mine is something I've wanted for months
I want to push myself against you and move slowly without a purpose until you feel lust take over you and lay with me so we can feel each other up and feel.

I once dated a girl who liked to be choked when we had ***. Her adrenaline coursed through her veins as she choked on the air she desperately needed And she liked the ******* not because she needed it but because she knew she didn't need it. I fell in love with her and she ripped my hart from my weak chest and trapped It away in a box. I should have known from the start that she didn't need me, like I needed her.

The fact that you're alive brings a smile to my face. I've known you for two days and I feel more in love than I've ever felt in my entire life. You bring tears to my eyes when you talk to me, you're absolute heaven. I feel like your presence in my life is purging all the tears from my eyes pre-fall when I would've gotten morose. These tears tickle my cheeks and run down my jaw and they don't sting like they used to. I hope you stay in my life forever. I feel so intense about you and I am so bewildered that I've been dreaming about you for years

S. I don't even know you but you've attracted me far beyond rationality. The expression that rests on your face gives me goosebumps. The *** drive I have for you is ridiculous. I want to dive my face between your thighs till my lips go numb. I want to hear how sweet the sound of my name comes when slipped inbetween moans that escape your sweet lips. I want your hand in my head signaling to never stop. I want to hold you I want to dance with you. I want to listen to the eagles with you. I don't even know you and I want to, oh god I want to. I want to stare into your eyes and know that you're all mine and I'm all yours. I want to do ***** teenage things with you, I want to cute couple things with you. We can makeout in the backseat of your parents car while some red hot chili peppers plays, we can argue about why I want you to not go to parties without me alone. I just want you to bad I want to give love hickies along your collar bones I want to kiss your neck and feel your legs around my waist. I want you, S. This is a ***/love note.

Hard to tell of I even exist anymore
I am as invisible as a ghost
I'm only acknowledged when I do damage
Or something you don't appreciate
So I lock myself up in my cage of a room and waste the time that crawls by. You see me as a seed, ready to be put in good dirt to bloom to a rose but what you don't see is I'm a slimy piece of plastic from the trash. I'm a stench you can't wash out, a stench you can't outrun and I'm so sorry for polluting you. Because you really are a seed that is ready to bloom and be admired but I'm nothing. And I'm sorry you dragged me around only to get carpal tunnel and be in pain. If I could is steal your pain. I swim in pain all day, everyday, so it wouldn't be such a hit to me. But the day you left me I received a huge hole in my heart that you ripped and I can't sew it back together again

"If she is important to you, show her!"
I tried. I've grown dark bags under my eyes because I would stay up late to talk to her so she would go to sleep happy. I educated myself so I knew what she liked and knew what she discussed I was so out of touch with society and what was going on until she pushed me to know. She changed me so much by grabbing me by my collar and pulling me around the world. Then one day she got carpal tunnel and left me in the ***** soil to "grow again" but I'll be ****** if I ever do because she saw me as a seed when I am just a piece if trash. It's good she's gone I was stinking her up. She was the true rose of the world. I pray to a god I don't believe in every night that she'll come back. I miss her so ******* much.

Tonight I feel like my bones and organs have dissolved into my bloodstream and are pestering underneath the skin. I've never once released them, I think it's safe to say they're my demons that I keep locked up. I can't quite recall what made me so ******* sad so long ago I guess it'd have to be several things that are irrelevant singular but together they create a massive force to be reckoned with and they've made a home inside my bones.

Tiny vessels oozed into the pores of your neck, formed the bruises that you dreaded from fading. You chased me away with loud sounds and violent ways when all the time through you were quiet and peaceful inside. I didn't hide from you. You hid from me though. Now is the moment I live in where I look into her eyes and think "she's beautiful but she doesn't mean a thing to me."
While I caress her healthy skin he's bruising your dying skin. I wanted to engulf you into a mass of love and affection but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I reached out with a strong arm to touch your soul but you took the dagger from him and sawed my arm through the bone. I wake up late some nights, the nights I actually sleep, and softly touch the scar you left me with. I miss it. I'm a hollowed, rotten, empty soul. You made me me feel full, healthy, and whole. You looked at me, then you looked at the tiny vessels implanted and ran twords him. I'll pray every night to a god I don't exactly believe in that you'll come back to me someday.

This is everything I didn't say.
I didn't say how much you hurt me when you left I didn't say how much I miss(ed) you from when you abandoned me and abandoned our love. I didn't say how your words stabbed me over and over again in the form of a jagged shank. I didn't say  how you tore me right open, exposed me, and then left without sewing me up again.

How do you feel in your own skin
Do you feel revolted
Do you feel disgusted
Do you feel like you're walking around in skin that isn't yours?
I weep for your loss I weep for your hatred of yourself
I don't envy you but I would love to lift you up high up away from all troubles laid upon you

Water drips down walls
Rain plummets from the clouds
The trails of walking go forward.
Coffee steam floats up
The world spins side to side around
These are all extraordinary forces of nature underwritten, just like you.

Deranged and evil that's what you are.
You've spit in my face and murdered my heart.
You slice me right open, you shoot me down
I am just trying to live the best I know how
But you won't allow that, you just want to **** me over and over again

When I was young i never drank coffee I worried about my health. Coffee was bitter, and I needed to take care of myself for you.  But after you left me high and dry, I lived off of coffee and late night drives to the cemetery. I wrote till my fingers bled. For you. I find inspiration in the bitter taste of coffee because I realize now I am only safe in the bitterness of coffee, in the bitterness of myself. I used to make myself eat at least three times a day, and drink lots of water. I stopped doing that once I tasted the lies you fed me. I eat when I'm hungry now, and I drink coffee and high fructose drinks. I've lost weight and I hate standing up. I won't say this is all your fault, because that would be a villainous lie. The truth is that you forced me to want to live with myself and now that you're gone I can't live right.

It's not the fact that I can't hold your hand or call you and I united anymore. It's the fact that you stopped down to the dirtiest level of low and you dropped me and broke me like all the evil men in my life have, I had such respect for you I thought you were better than this but I've been proven wrong once again
12:59 the time is dragging by and digging it's nails into the ground to stop itself but I'm so miserable I now am free and have no excuse to hide behind for why I have bags under my eyes I no longer have an excuse as to why I can't eat anymore something in the pit of my being is demented and damaged but you never stuck around long enough to see it and I hate how I actually knocked down the strong wall to let you in only for you to never cross the line and dash the other way.

I'm crushin on you and it's crushin me I sound like a school girl when I say crush but that's what you do to my heart is do anything to be able to touch you and see the look in your eyes when I make you smile I just want to hold your hand I want to kiss your lips and kiss your neck and I want to feel the "motion of your ocean" I want to see all the good parts of you I want to see all the bad parts of you I want to see the gold I want to see the black I want I want I want to know what you want I want to fulfill your wants and needs and if do anything to be around you

You make me dizzy running circles around my head I could get sick but that would ruin the taste you leave in my mouth after a day of my tastebuds rotting away with me. I'm a soon to be corpse you are a blooming flower. We are polar opposites but ******* it if I don't want you around. All I want is to please you and make you feel surrounded by support and my love. I get so jealous when you pay your love to others I want it all for myself. I know that seems selfish but I can't help myself you're a ******* work of art and you could cost all the money in the world for all your value stuffed inside you. You're something that I want to carry around like a charm.

You're gay for emma, I'm gay for you
You're a beacon of sunshine on a rainy day
You're so awesome in every way, I swear that the clouds run from you
Don't confuse that as an insult it's a rare thing and something to be treasured
You're such a rare gift you can't be bought in any store you can't be found in any exotic or foreign place on earth
You're a spark that could light the fire of change

I should have crashed the ******* car the night I drove alone, I could have ended the twisting if the knife you stuck in my heart. I am always looking for someone to blame and finally someone fits the shoe. I hope you know how terrible I feel that I wasn't good enough for you and I know you want to spit on my face and send me straight to hell but let's never forget that you are no angel. You have risen and you have fallen and just because I have some baggage doesn't mean you don't either
I am drowning in these tears

Begging for the pleasure, love transferred through love bites and kisses
Wet, hot, and steamy
Look for these when you want a good time
You'll confuse love with lust
Step back and admire the physique of the skin of the look in their eyes
The demon whispering lust in the back of your head will buzz and buzz until you give in

Why are such strong independent women afraid of wrinkles?
They're shelves to hold all the novels your life is written into, theyre lines to follow like a map of where you've been. They're proof you have lived a life they are proof you have felt things to great depths they are proof THAT YOU ARE HUMAN. feel pride for the art that is sprawled across your skin you've lived your life so boldly; so ******* strong. Being afraid of those defining lines of your life is such a cowardly thing to do.

Upside down you turn me, all the junk clatters to the ground oh please don't leave me such a ******* mess without you

You've ******* killed me I can't stop thinking about you and everytime I see your picture and I lose the ability to breathe when you talk to me I hate this spell you've cast on me I'm ******* dying and even you pardoning me won't pull me away from you
I say that I'm drunk when I randomly text you but I'm really just painfully sober and I feel level when you talk to me I just want to be let out of your ******* grasp I'm going crazy

We have to be careful we don't fall In love.
I might lose myself when I feel your soft fingers in the spaces between my fingers.
I might lose myself when I say a lame joke and you laugh and look away
I might lose myself when we start drinking and you clumsily kiss me and and smile
I don't want to lose all of me into you when you will never have any intention of losing yourself into me.
I am so ******* tired of being alone. But I won't be able to survive handing my heart glass over to someone's hands and having them drop it for fear of being in love

Among many other small organs, id like to give you my heart. I'd eagerly plunge my tired fingers into my chest and rip it out for you. I've heard the internal organs only last for 72 hours out of the body, so ill do my best to get to you in time.
I am a rotten piece of meat but that's all I have to offer you in trade of your love. I am so lucky to have my heart ripped from my rib cage and given to you, I am trusting you'll treat this rotten, scarred heart in a good way.

I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the way you smirk at my love swollen words I write to you
They're just love notes, they're all I have to offer
But I guess it really isn't enough and I feel like a rotten piece of meat when you do this to me
I am so ******* worthless compared to you but you refuse to see how much I adore you, adore you.

You are the ringing in my ears
You are the splinter under my fingernail
You are the bruises on my shin
You are such a painful presence but I crave your pain

Pain is something you feel at all times of every day once it happens
It never goes away fully you just adapt to it like it becomes your heartbeat
You survive off of the expectation for it to thump against your chest
Even when your muscles feel like they won't ever move again, they do. And that's what you come to understand is moving on. But just because you move in does not mean your pain leaves you, it becomes as temporary as a tattoo you got when you were drunk. It's carved into your generic code and don't you dare try to remove it because it will be unseccessful and painful, leaving you empty

I've wanted to die since I was 10 years old but you spark something in me. You fill the void of my empty, frozen, coal of a heart. I feel warm when I hear from you. My insides warm up like it's a frozen Christmas morning, and I've been drinking hot coco. My heart pumps blood through my veins, I can move without hurting. You spark life in me a way that nobody ever has before. You're the thunder in my veins, the fire in my heart.