A chill swept through the air-
throwing the leaves from their branches,
twirling the blades of grass,
hiding the sun from sight.

After it's retreat
a calm settled everywhere-
a silence touched the soil,
a whisper spread through the trees,
the sun shining so bright.

Nestled, low to the ground
the rabbits,
ears stretching to the sky,
peered around- only in curious wonder.

My edges are jagged
My steps to small
My voice can't project
Their voice is strident
Their steps could overpower us all
They're crystal clear
No they wouldn't break at all
Just little me

back in high school
i wanted you
soul and all
i wouldn't sacrifice for nothing less


now you're gone
and my finger tips ache for your cold touch
the searing, raving, heat would disappear
all because of you

and I'm wondering
how much sadness would delve into my heart
if I never won a chance

i would just walk the hallways with a heavy heart
and fire in my eyes
just a lack of the greatest gift you gave
a
new
me

phantom ghosts
trail skin
tears fall
blackness seeps in
he wonders how to prolong this fun
she wonders how she'll ever move on

In the dark of night wind shrilled
he had to let go of the terror of which he was filled
soon came sun, ready to steal the spotlight
she danced and beamed, she was a delight
and wind accepted this defeat, he let his fear be stilled

why do they compare the beautiful, like flowers in world full of weeds
flowers aren't endless
they grow and they die

mother used to call me a flower
her slurred mumbles
with her quivering hands and all
she didn't really see
the beautiful exists beneath
and never would she understand the soul will always seek the ends of the earth

so why call the beautiful, flowers
call them four leaf clovers
helping those in need of luck
a gentle hand they are
they will always be remembered
for their beautiful souls
were always a helping hand

it wasn't there beauty
or there extraordinaire
it was there four sides
quick to guide

that's the beauty, the underneath

i can feel your grasp slipping from mine
soon so soon
you'll feel the pavement
the rough truth
and
you'll find it's so much easier
to get hurt
without me
by your side

i know you you tell me every chance you can
you're strong, you can do this
but I know you,
your vision is blurry
each step is going to be a struggle

but tonight you're still here
and you're mine

our love was like sunburn
so hot
it kept us tossing and turning at night

our love only bloomed during the summer
when the days were the longest
and our hours spent conjoined, limbs entangled in one another

then it would eventually start to fade
we spoke less words to one another
till the burn was simply gone
and our love was shed

ready for a new layer of skin

a new 'you' to invest in
under the sun
beneath the stars

but, i won't forget
those summers when our burn
ached the most
it was all our love

you close the shades
and fail to speak

you let the shadows dance around you
but you never join in

you read the words of others
and never let your own flow

you will always make me smile
but you never lets yours' show

i think you've given up-

somewhere along the way
you decided- being alone is okay


and now I don't know how to get back in

I'm terrified,
maybe you don't want me in... ever again?

I write in circles
happiness in the start
by the middle my words are a bore
why do you even read my poems
why do you care?
now were at the end
and tears are in your eyes
You quiver
you sniffle,
are my words
are my thoughts
the devil?
seconds pass
smiles
you say that was beautiful
what did I miss?
How could you be happy about this?

She lost the tattered paper
the same way she lost herself
dropped and forgotten
friends disappear
out in the open
world watches her solitude
ready to be stepped on
strangers laugh at her whimpers
rain dances upon the sheet
silence suffocates
all alone
*all alone

I'm a stray
why don't they
pull me in an question
demand answers

i want to plea
tell them
everything
but their eyes
the way they go along with me

as if
it's okay to be this way

I don't understand
somehow
little by little the pain hurts less and less
but that never stops the tears streaking from my eyes

they still watch and nod
give me praise on my shoulders
but there not fixing the cracks
the ones lining my heart

I wanted to write
write the world for you
my words could be shields
or maybe just blankets
enveloping you into warmth

they can taunt you
beg you to live to your potential
because they know
and I know
you deserve the world and all the cordial
words that enter your mind

So
when you close your eyes
and you see those words
feel them with every intake of air
your lungs can muster,

I hope
all you can think about

is me

I miss your smile
I miss the way your eyes twinkled all the time
I miss the way you could persuade me to do anything
You don't miss my smile
You don't miss watching the world around you
You don't miss persuading me to go on adventures
I miss the gasp my lungs made when you held my hand
I miss having to catch up to your lengthy stride
I miss the way you would get lost in your books
You don't miss my hands meeting yours
You don't miss running ahead of me
You don't miss reading
You've left all these things behind
The day you decided you couldn't survive

will you allow those salty waterfalls to havoc your face?
will you allow bullets to strike within?

I know a boy
who never allowed a thing
to navigate his soul

on a summer evening
with not a voice to burrow in his thoughts

the tears
the heart
became to much
like a broken road
he was bound to hit a bump

lost control
oblivious to everything around
I wished he could have been found
long ago

i don't want to talk no more
not a word
not a sound
figure me out
if you can

i don't think I'm worth it
not a hug
not a tear
you'll figure that out, you'll see

i don't want to be alone
but i am
but you want that to change
you'll figure out why I am, who I am
and why isolation was meant for me

On the day his eyes sealed shut
A paradise
fell
golden embers rose
rich carpet was destroyed to smithereens
glass shards ricocheted
flames were all they could see
until
morning dew sprinkled the grass
stars hid in there beds
silence brought havoc to their minds
Reality seeped in
he would never be seen again

When I publish a poem, it’s like climbing that scary mountain. Or finally riding the world’s fastest roller coaster.  All day you've worried about it, but as you walk off, you’re free. You’ve done it. It didn’t **** you. You’re not a mess of tears on the floor. Everything is good. That’s what poetry is. It’s joining a journey last minute and when you catch your breath, you realize, you’re more than just fine. You’re living, and there are no standards. You are the highest level, and whether the people around you climb higher, or travel farther, it doesn’t matter. You’re walking shoes are covered in dirt, and fraying at the soles, and that is more than enough. You and the words you create are more than enough.

They say it gets harder


I'm scared to consume there words
if they settle in my mind
banish everything positive
I'm afraid my skin will disintegrate
muscles will fail to hold my weight
and my eyes
the haze will vanish
And I will show

then they'll truly understand
I'm not even good for now

staring cold eyes
cut my skin in two
a shrill siren blares
there touching
mapping my skin
my eyes surrender to the black

fake exuberant smiles
prepare to tantalize me- shackles and all
my lungs are quitting
there sweet laced tone seems to get louder and louder
my hands are erratic

my fake smile is long gone
there patience has been buried

I'm a part of the bland walls
and the midnight silence
h o p e l e s s

I have nothing to write that will change us
And every time you hesitate
close your eyes
purse your lips
I know there's no more us

Tonight I met him
don't give me that angry stare
don't embrace me in a hug- and apologize
because you know I want nothing more than us

But we both know
fate
destines us apart

So tomorrow
and all the tomorrows your lungs breathe
keep me in your memories
but
don't remember
me and you
as an *us

I try too hard
I make you want to leave
when all I want for you is to stay

I cry too much
I give you headaches
when all I want for you is to dry my tears

I complain too much
I make you scream
when all I want is your warm embrace

in the dead of night
you've finally got away

I'm too numb
I can't feel a thing
even when I lost control

all I wanted was to be your 'want'
and amongst the white walls
sterile scent
I'm realizing maybe
you were right

I was just too much

I'm sitting here
face solemn
waiting for just one person
to question why
and suddenly
I know
they can't see
they can't hear
they are living for themselves

I get up
gaze locked to the floor
now I just have to wait
till everything shatters and the floor
escapes my feet
I don't question it
and they won't see

I'm halfway out
they still don't hear my moans late at night
I wonder if there even real
my only question for them
is what will happen when I'm gone

why should I give you everything
my hate
my love
my respect
you should know I won't ever forget
your lies
your mistakes
your hurt
if only you knew the emotional drain you've put me through

When you're born,
your life is mapped out
with a jigsaw puzzle.
Every year another piece fits,
sometimes you gain several pieces
all at once,
and sometimes you misplace a piece
only to find it once again.

But, no matter what,
your life will complete the puzzle.

When I was three,
one of my puzzle pieces was destroyed.
They told me, I'd never get
another one to fit.
So there I was through the years,
filling a jigsaw puzzle, that we all knew-
would never be complete.
And I thought, what was the point?

Eventually, I found a calm-
so strong that not even the mightiest tide
could disrupt its' way.
I no longer thought of that destroyed puzzle piece,
instead I wrote and I sang,
and the sun was always calling my way.

I will never have a complete jigsaw puzzle,
and that's a fact.
But, I learned-
that doesn't mean I can't manipulate
the pieces I do have,
and create something-
just for me.

am I trash to you?
because at 3 am when the moon is at its highest peak
the white noise is breaking down my walls
my throat is raw
screams shatter the pillow, beneath my tear stained cheeks

I wonder
what it would be like to be with you
to hear your unsure words
see those crystal eyes meet mine

but it's 3 am
and I'm alone
And I know the answer

loving you was
like diving into the waves of the abyss
and grasping nothing
yet still expecting to be pulled ashore

and your touch
felt like whip-cream
so soft and gentle
but it was deceiving because your touch was the end of the can, the moment the whip-cream ran out
and I was left with nothing

and I thought I was brave
stood tall, like I didn't need the support of a chair
to reach the top of the tree
but I was wrong

I was brave
like the kind of brave that it took for the cat
to hide under the covers when the vacuum buzzed around the carpet

and we all want to believe that is brave-
but in reality- I was the opposite-
just so cowardly

I dived out to shore
expecting the buoy of love
to guide me to a strong gentleman like you
but instead all I got was a lung full of saltwater
and eyes that just won't stop crying

you said i was amazing
was I
like the first breath a baby takes
like the first snowflake to fall
like the butterfly that breaks out of its cocoon
or was I
an illusion
a dream
you wished
to have

at 3am
the light will distort your vision
I just want you to know
I wont ever let anyone in
cuz I cant accept myself
for who I really am

I know under the bright sun
friends in tow
glances back and forth
i look crystal clear
you have me figured me out
don't you?

you're wrong
I am crystal clear
but
what you don't see
is the miniscule cracks lining my skin
you don't see the terror
inside of me
slipping through

I want you to know now
before
its too late
cuz I am me
and I'm cracking
you don't want to love
someone
like
me

Its so daunting
To have eyes lock on your own
Your natural color,
your natural being
shown under bright lights
Some stars shine
others seem to fade
Some enlarge
others shrink
When the light is cast downward
Do you shine or do you shrink?

If I had a son
I'd want him to take a step back
appreciate the view
I'd want him to be cautious
yet always curious

If I had a son
I'd want him to love
give his all to someone spirited as him
I'd want him to explore
feel the currents of earth rush through his hair

If I had a son
I'd want him to remember me
because as his dreams get bigger and bigger
I know I'd have to take a step back

So if I had a son
I'd hope that
we'd always love- as one.

2:04am
fast car on repeat, I close my eyes

I see little me dancing around the table,
little me looking out the rainy window- waiting for you to come home

isn't it amazing that 19 years later
fast car still reminds me of that day

Cigarettes threaten your lungs, but your love threatens my heart.

you're the reason
i question myself
before you
everything i saw
blazed before my eyes
now overcast
i wonder
what did i do to deserve this change
everything i heard
strong voices all around
now muffled, isolated to my brain
i wonder
what can i do to make these voices end
sand reaches the bottom of the time capsule
i hate myself
and I know
you're the reason i feel this way

i can compare his absence to anything
but the fact of the matter is he is gone
he's dead
my father is dead
and everything i do
the amount of times I try to explore the world
A new crack shatters my skin
I was never prepared to move on
so
your judgmental eyes
lips moving fast

don't you understand
I'll never be able to match your stride
I'll never move on

I wish you could understand

Your talking
but I cant hear you
those coral lips move up an down
but my eyes can't focus
Your hands meet mine
but I can't touch you
why
your an equation that doesn't factor
or
maybe I  just can't figure you out

i never seem to get it right
to much rhythm or too much rhyme
it doesn't matter
cuz no one can relate
i question why i try
but then i remind myself
what better would i do
if the words were thawed from my soul
never to be found again
would I be any happier
then before I sat down to
construct this stupid work of art?

summer sun
winter snow

complete opposites
both made her feel

one made her sanguine
one made her shallow

and  in- between them both
the fleeting fall
or the swift spring

it was always the same
she wished
she was with him

his calm serene was a dose
she couldn't seem to find
even in the yellow rays
or the endless white

and at the end she realized
she couldn't find him
because he wasn't meant to stay
he was destined for greater things

Endless thoughts,
anxiety obsessed with me,
dark clouds,
sadness taunting me

These are the things
I'm still learning to escape

there's nothing poetic i can write
to describe how much pain
loneliness i feel
with out you
right by my side
because i can't capture my emotions
bottle them up
open them up
just for you
in doing so I would need strength
and that was smothered
the day you left

Dear Dad,
...

Dear Father,
...

I've tried so many ways to say this
so many sentences
details to add
details to delete

i never seem to get it right
I will never be satisfied

I think I found my answer
they speak of hands embracing
sparks flowing from finger tip to finger tip

and that's just it
I can't even get satisfaction over a letter

why

because you will never read it
that's why I can't find the right words to say
because there's just to many words
that will flow
without any meaning

and I just can't let that happen

Love is the air in an elevator with no limits.

I met a guy
he was tough
muscles huge
eyes a jade green
all my knowledge
told me not to talk to him
he'll mess with your mind
but I did
and now here we are
lying under the stars
everything far from our reach
except our hands
linked together
we're happy

'The smoke might burn my lungs
but the feeling is worth it
isn't it?'
she asks me

'because feeling anything
is better than feeling nothing

and watching the clouds beside you'
she reckons 'is better than
thinking of them alone

because I rather feel agony
see despair
wallow in grief
than just sit alone and be numb

uncertainty already took one person from me'
she tells me
then she grabs my hand tight
and she says
'I want to be uncertain together'

and to that
I can't think of a word
but I know pulling her tight
is enough tonight

They say she's
bright smiles
always handing in her work on time
quick to be a guiding hand
she says
these are all lies
for she has something so great
green eyes
sharp teeth
scaly skin
fighting a battle in her mind
and she's on the losing side

Its so early
But you say its late
Morning will be rough
My eyes will water just to open
My muscles will ache
The clock reads 3am
I'm still wide awake
I don't know whats the use
I try, I try, I try
I just seem to have excuse after excuse
Maybe one day sleep will come to me
the same way it comes to you