everything hurts
not when you're alone
but
when your soul
won't allow you to have company

you lie in the hospital bed
antiseptics and hospital food waver in the air
as if, asking for permission to linger

and you see her tense, knowing she wants to scream
because how ironic it is-
you can barely speak

every few minutes the bed beneath you shakes
the only bit of movement your body sees

the ticking of the clock
is a constant reminder
you're never going to escape

soon she must go,
you find the darkness behind your eyelids
is easier to bare
when your so alone

later in time
you think of her
and then you think of mini her

once again you have no control
a tear slides down your cheek,
you're never going to watch her grow

your little daughter,
is going to live without a father
because cancer,
took away your life

and with no strength
how could you ever grasp
meaning in your last few days

Maybe when we start
Our lungs are filled with air
Our stomach is clear of nerves
And most importantly our hearts are filled with love
But
maybe on the down fall ladder
our lungs aren’t so strong anymore
our stomach is weaker
and our hearts are empty
And
We wonder
We rose to our greatest heights
with love in our hearts
and the energy to strive
why
as
we
come
down
we lose our air
our peace
our love
w h y

you watched me
you knew my habits
you knew my fears
and now you're gone
not a phone call in nine months
only saw your face barely passing by
you're gone

but you're here more than ever
in the late summer nights
last  one awake
i remember
you're by the television
you're fading each night more and more

i should have known you wouldn't last
i just never thought
at the highest peak
taking
and
pushing
us
down
would be your escape

You looked at me constantly
I couldn’t figure out why
To this day I don’t know for sure why
But, I’m certain you weren’t seeing me.

If you saw me
You’d know
I’m someone who survives by being alone
You’d know
my face is the same one that needs to look in reflective surfaces
just to be sure every aspect is perfect

And you’d know a piece of me is never coming back

I wonder who you saw
and who you thought was looking back at you?

We hadn't seen each in years
and then we did
It was like spending the day at the beach
the strong gusts of winds
whispering our secrets
keeping us close
the sun was our leader
showed us just how long we needed to go

and when I had to leave

we said goodbyes'
I never thought
they would be our last ones'

They say you don't have much time
and I can't understand

I can't grasp your hand
and  can't see your smile
surely this could just be a dream?

I've spent so much time looking
in the mirror
waiting
to see you in a part of me
but disappointment is glass
& one day I'll have the strength to break it

I close my eyes
hoping to catch you looking back at me, but I no longer see your face

I drown in silence
hoping to hear you say my name again, but you never do

I wear your old oversized coat
hoping to feel your touch, but it's not the same

I'd do anything to have you with me again
I love you
I hope up there.. you still feel the same

we can't compare our love to an elegant rose
or a cheerful sunflower
not even the weeds in the grass can signify our lows

our love is a tornado
its strong and its scary
one minute its there the next minute its gone

we can't map our love on a piece of paper
or track it over our skin

our love is an invisible squiggle
its meant to never be seen
and its destined to end

our love,
probably,
is not even shared between us