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  Jul 2016 Apachi Ram Fatal
CRAZY DAISY
You always asked me
"What would I be without you?"
To be brutally honest,
that question scares me to death
because I already know the answer
and I don't want that responsibility
of being your one true love
there is a fine line
between love and obsession
and I'm afraid to say
that you've crossed over
to the other side
where love isn't enough
constant attention isn't enough
daily praise isn't enough
I refuse to be a prisoner to your love
you can't capture me
and put me in a high tower
out of fear that others
may find me desirable
I have spent many a night
scratching and scraping
at the walls of this prison
and today I broke through
and saw the other side of love
the love that is free
and trusting
and encouraging
and amazing
I couldn't look away
I had to have it for myself
so I pulled at the wall
until my fingers were bleeding
and the sharp jagged pieces
ripped through my skin
as I crawled through
the tiny hole I was able to make
I think I even let pieces of hair behind
but no matter
because I am now free
away from your angry clutches
and my new love is helping me
to seal up that wall for good
and I shall tell all about that very day
that I escaped from hell on earth
I wish you could see my smile
it would irk you
and that thought
would make me smile
throughout eternity
  Jul 2016 Apachi Ram Fatal
the Sandman
I hold glass bottles to the sky
In thunderstorms,
I go home and shelf them for light.
I crawl up and back into you
In thunderstorms
and wrap in warmth till I can't breathe.
Drown me
In thunderstorms;
Hold my head down inside your veins.
Your goosebumps hug me to you, snug,
In thunderstorms
When I find asylum under
Your thumb.
In thunderstorms,
I love you again. Just for a while,
While my mind pours columns of cold,
In thunderstorms
That hang over my head and haunt
Me with self-doubt till I stress out.
In thunderstorms,
I watch the rain drip down my brain
And cut through ice and chloroform.
  Jul 2016 Apachi Ram Fatal
autumn
With each sip,
Your bitter lies
Become more evident.

But I'll bite my tounge
And as rust and whiskey mix
I'll take another sip.

The truth burns
On the way down
As I constantly swallow it.

This empty bottle is full
Of things I'll never say to you.
Love is not a singularity
It is a whole
One cannot extract a part
Or worship only one piece
It must be accepted as a whole
One cannot only enjoy the soft warm places of love
The pleasent corners and pools
The weak seams that easily split
The lose threads that unravel with the slightest mistreatment
It takes great and delicate strength to walk its halls
Love is complex
And beautiful
It has hidden shadows and dark nights
It cries to the moon and begs for the sun
And it comforts them both in turn
Love is filled with dreams and hope
Longing and doubt
Wishes and tranquilty
Torment and viciousness
It resides in both angel and beast
Heaven and hell
And earth
In the tears of god
And the blood of the devil
One cannot claim it as there own
One cannot truely love any other person
Before loving them all
One cannot give love
Without giving themselves
First to love
Love is of our time
Our blood
Our soul
Treat it well
As you treat others well
Give your all to love
And give all your love
To those in need
Life and love
Though never perfect
Are always
Beautiful
Today I tried rubbing out some thoughts I had written down and I managed not to damage the paper. But, the words were still there, etched in my mind, and erasing them only made me remember them more. Now, I am sure they are stuck there forever and the paper will be misused again.
'If I erase everything in my head, does it mean I will lose my mind?'
(Gerry Aldridge ©2016)
Apachi Ram Fatal Jul 2016
Practically disbelieve prophetic sustenance
Pre exist convince self sacrifice austerity
Lead solitary lonely strife unravel dysfunction
Slowly impede on sanities senses spirit bend
Empath way to escape betray forgive pain
Obey Frey free from Cain disintegrate
Holy guardianship vindicate Lord Lucifer
Emancipate misused divinity behoove
Sacred energy bitterly keep on enlightened
Sorcery face El-light what immaculate forgery
Divine Sphere of influence follow through
Underworld Godspeed enchant exuded kneads
Forbidden prayers left lay Ilahi arrest turn off Sylph
Litany Disgrace Devotion Embrace
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