I wish you read
These poems I wrote.

I wish you felt
the way I felt,

Thought
the same things I thought

I wish.

People often say to me “I wish I could write like you.”
Which to some degree I should find humbling
But if only they knew the truth
That every time I touch the pen I'm afraid of what it might do
Behind the guise of self expression it takes possession
All defenses are torn a sunder in pain under its reign
And I am helpless to stop it
Like I would, even if I could anyway
Each tear in me is subject to its tyranny
I watch every sunset fearfully
As the veil of darkness falls
So do the castle walls
It is then that the pen will begin to possess me again
Coercing confessions of sin
However, as much I hate it
I abhor I love it more
I concede that I need it
There is a stink of distinction
Between me and this ink pen
Yet still somewhat synonymous
Whatever I hide under the surface
Determines its purpose
And it always serves it
Even if it hurts when
I bleed through this pen.

Do you think about me every day?
Am I always on your mind?
Each night do you kneel and pray
For one day me to find?
Do you wonder if I look like you,
Have your personality?
If I like the same things you do?
Or if we differ completely?

Do you search for me in others faces
Certain that you will know me?
Do you love going to new places
Hoping there is where I will be?
Do you constantly worry about me?
Wonder how my life has been?
Does your heart ache longingly
For a life that might have been?

Do you worry that you may never
get the opportunity to know me?
That we should be apart forever?
That my face you may never see?
Do you have difficulty coping?
Have a yearning that never goes away?
Do you never give up hoping
That we will find each other someday?

Do you feel a painful gaping void?
That you are somehow incomplete?
Do you feel a longing deep inside
For the day we eventually meet?
Do you question why we had to part?  
Worry I may have forgotten you?
I hope the answer is yes with all my heart
For these are all the things I do.

I loved you more than you ******* deserved.
But it wasn't enough.
I let you wrap your hands around my aching heart and squeeze it till it crumbled into pieces.
I begged you to love me the way I loved you.
You were busy keeping secrets from me,
and I was busy trying to give you the world.
You always told me I was your favorite girl,
but I was only your favorite girl when you were intoxicated and I let you **** me.
You bruised me,
you took advantage of me,
you left marks on my soul.
*******.
You never deserved me.
I still smell you in my sheets,
and it hurts,
and it makes me so angry that
I want to burn them.
I regret letting you in,
expressing every weakness I endured
and
promising me to kiss me all over when I needed you too.
But,
I promise it won't happen again.
After all you left me a pile of dust,
lost in the wind.

When the leaves fell from trees
And littered the empty streets
Leaving summer as a memory
You told me you loved me
And that distance doesn’t matter
When someone means the world to you
I know I have my whole life
To fall in love
But there’s nothing wrong
With getting a head start

Now that the grass is growing
And the birds are singing
You’ve finally realized
That it wasn’t meant to be
You locked this love in a box
And threw away the key
But deep down inside
I still think you love me
Not as much as you used to
But there's something

'I love you', he said. 'But I am not in love with you'.
' Interesting', she said. 'You never bothered to clarify when you were on top of me'.