Silence is scary
Wind brutal,
Violent.
People are cruel,
Ignorant
Evil.

Navy polo reeks of butter,
Pants too tight.
Collar tag stabs neck,
Ugly sweaty hat.
Underappreciated,
Understaffed,
Mechanic,
Burn scar.

I ask my coworker if he’s seen anything lately.
He says he only watches Hindi movies,
and there’s no good ones out right now.
He shows me a picture of his niece.
She is perfect.
He smiles as I compliment the angel in the phone.
He is proud.

A woman changes her mind,
Again and again.
She is short on change.
Inconvenient,
but not rude.
“Annette is a lovely name “
She says with a smile,
before going to her film,
Never to be seen again.

Pop pop popcorn
Raw hands,
Harsh chemicals,
Food safety.
Hi how are you?
Enjoy your show.
Mop mop mop…

Wind is worse
Harsh on my red face,
Scratched into pink dust,
Flaking into rain puddles.
I place a sweet song in my ears,
Smile,
And think of sweet moments,
That only exist here
And now.

I have these memories of joy and love.  

They’re tattooed on my knees,

Dyed in my hair.



Whispers in crowds,

Laughter in quiet moments.

They seep into my flesh

And stick to my bones.



I couldn’t shake them off if I tried,

How lucky is that ?

I miss the beautiful sadness.
The tears tasted like cream,
Fears turned me pale.
A quiet sadness.

I was so pretty,
Smaller every second,
Floating away in tenderness.
A whisper,
Then silence.
What more could I ask for?

And now I’m more.
Taking up more space,
Filling more holes.
I’m too much.

Now this..
ugly sadness.
One where I grow
instead of shrink.
My face is pinker,
My stomach splits at the seems,
tears taste like *****.

If I go,
It will not be a whimper,
But a scream.
Rawly honest,
and rancid.

Still,
I think I’d rather be
a beautiful lie.

My summer haze.
You exist
as salted scrunchies,
Freckled thighs,
Whiskey tongue.
You exist,
Right?

By Fall,
I know it to be true.
My autumn girl.
I look into her
tasting wet leaves,
pine and cinnamon.
Her body still
hot as August sun.

Fireplace feet,
wobbly knees under fleece.
Suddenly,
you are Christmas wine,
Snowflake tears.
Teeth never clattered,
Hands never cold.

I can’t see spring.
Perhaps that’s where it ends.
Maybe it never was.
Still,
I dream of you
And still,
I wonder
if you dream too.

they don't look like me.
those girls
with their *******
and baby teeth.

pink daisy chains,
sweet blubbering.
joyful hearts swollen,
i can feel them.

i smell a childhood memory,
she loves mornings.
the one in red
kisses her puppy,
sleeps in braided hair.

under your gaze,
they'll be paper forever.
and me?
am i tree bark to you?
do i still exist
while i'm gone?

peekaboo.

baby i've called you,
thus baby you've become.
my ******* are sore,
i've run dry of milk.

photographs don't bleed.
**** on something else for dinner.
but i insist,
keep tripping over
that tail of yours.
i find it rather funny.

blinking sunsets creases,
dewy in concepts of me.
to you,
i was perfect.

sweet creation,
swaddled in salmon silk.
your one,
your only.

nestled in your armpit,
hushly hummed stories.
beautiful worlds,
golden mornings.

when did it all go wrong?

i've broken your heart.
i'm sorry that
i'm bad at apologies.
i get that from you.

wet face,
*****,
red throats
empty stares.

hospital lighting,
missing liquor,
endless consumption.
sadness you've never known,
until me.

our silver clouds
still glow at night.
for you,
i will win this war
against myself.

i will become someone
you're proud to know.
your baby still loves you,
and always will.