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  May 2018 a
Black Leaf
I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.
a May 2018
Green
Thats the color they always say describes me
I forgot of the fact that being green can also be very mean
Green represents the envy inside of me
I try not to but then you talk and talk so much about how you know you're going to be famous, know how you're going to be rich, know how you can just get any guy you want. Know you're that thang.
I try to let it be and not let the envy fuel inside of me
but I'm green of you. I wish I was so confident I was going to be famous, wish I could get any guy I want, wish I could speak/think so highly of myself everyday. Confidence is grace and I can’t pick up with your pace. But you explain your confidence so much it weakens me and makes me question if I'm the color green because of my energy or of my envy.
Or maybe my energy is envy, and deep inside I'm the only one that knows.
I know this isn't good, I use this as my online journal. Apologies if it makes you cringe
a Mar 2018
My religion teacher doesn't care about the arts.
But what if I don't care about religion?
My parents forced me to go to a catholic school. But I am going to study arts in college. Why can't you accept that the arts is some peoples vocation in life. You explain in class how things we're good at or find an attracting too at a young age is our vocation. I fell in love with the arts at a young age.
Stop being a hypocrite Mr.Majewski and respect the arts.
I'm not religious.
a Mar 2018
A clear face that has this glow
Big brown eyes and bushy brows
Chubby cheeks but somehow still has cheekbones
A smile with dimples that she gave herself
Buck teeth that are super white and bright
4'9 with thighs of steel
Perky ******* that finally grew in
An *** that's bigger than her tiny body
Hairy legs showing others she doesn't care
Scars on her body representing the obstacles of her life
All with a personality that's bigger than her.
join and look in the mirror and find the things you love about yourself. I usually avoid mirrors but my mom put this random one down and it was facing me as I did my homework. First time in a while I looked in the mirror and had good things to say.
  Feb 2018 a
Salem Emerson Reid
“Grades are getting low,
the teens are getting high.
That 12 year old is pregnant
and her parents wonder why.

A 1st grader is swearing,
a 3rd grader has been *****.
Just take a look around you,
isn’t the system great?

Who isn’t faded these days,
teens are sending nudes,
kids are getting beaten,
the teachers see the bruises.

No calls for help are spoken,
teens are smoking ****,
young girls are cutting,
this isn’t what we need.

The marks of taunt and yelling,
parents are divorced.
That 14 year old is drinking beer,
this can’t get any worse.

A little girl has killed herself,
nobody seems to care.
Another kid has been expelled
for a stupid dare.

But it needs to change.
Our world is officially broken.
It’s time to take a stand;
your thoughts need to be spoken.”

Thoughts are running wild
As the tears stream down my face.
Depressed and suicidal,
But I should just stay in my place.

I’m feeling kinda broken,
Feeling kinda lost.
I wanna make my pain
Just go away at any cost.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up
In a nice enough neighborhood.
And I did everything that
Anybody said I should.

But it wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t me.
I thought that I could help the world
With the things I’ve seen.

My cousin lost herself
In drinking hard and smoking ***.
My good friend tried to run away
And lose her past a lot.

I, myself, have struggled
With thoughts of losing it all.
The pro and cons of jumping off
That cliff into the free fall.

I mean if there's something that can save me
Then it'll show up, right?
It's worth the wait to take a blade to my wrist
And **** it up, right?

The truth is, I don't know
How to do this and win the fight.
I need someone to show me
There's still a ray of light.

I fell into a pit of despair
And it consumed me.
I guess the only way to help the world
Was to lose me.

Finding myself is gonna take a while.
Don't know if I can make it.
Keep giving out my heart
Hoping someone will take it.

Drinking, smoking,
Doing everything to make me numb.
Doing stupid things.
Making people call me dumb.

Popping pills like candy
Just to get me through the day.
Trying to end it all;
To make the pain just go away.

It wasn't perfect. Never.
It wasn't good enough for anyone.
So I always sat alone
And wished my life was done.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
The part in quotes was written on Facebook by Will Smith. The rest is mine.
a Feb 2018
Loss of energy
don't seem to know what's happening
Was so bright
swear I had this kind of limelight

Now i feel blue with a deeper kind of hue
no motivation at all it's like
I'm stuck behind this **** wall
Lately I've been hearing this expression
they say it's called seasonal depression

But how can this winter's dew
all of a sudden make me feel this blue
Snow falling from the sky is exceptionally beautiful
how can they say that's what's making me feel so unusual

All these amazing things keep falling in my lap
yet for some reason all I want to do is take a nap

For days and days and days and so on
Sleeping is the only time which my energy isn't gone

Maybe it is this expression and in the summer my energy will come back
till then I guess I'll just have to lack.
I used to feel very green now all I feel around me is blue
  Feb 2018 a
Jamie Horridge
Opened the blind and saw right away
The sun had too much energy for me today
So I closed the blind again
And I haven't asked if she's mad
Because I know she is
I can still see her enthusiasm through the blind
Some days I wish the sun's energy was mine
Some days I have no energy for creating wishes or dreams
Or even doing simple things of value to me
I spend my days angry at myself for being so depressed
I cannot shine with the weight of my own words upon my chest
I am not the sun, and I'm nowhere near as bright as she
So why when she shines, does she always shine on me?
And why does her energy sometimes scare me?
It's like she's making a mockery of me
And when I turn my back
I can still see her mocking me
I know why I close the blinds when she's too bright
I'm not a vampire, but I do enjoy myself at night
It's as if the darkness of the night imposes no stress on me
I look outside and I'm overwhelmed with a calming feeling
As if I've got no plans and no where to go
I let my mind settle down, and my fingers take control
And when the sun
When she shines bright on me
There are no silhouettes of anyone to hide me
I am in the lime light
Of the sun's energy
She shines on me with hope
Of all I know I could be
And sometimes the changes
Are just a little unsettling  





-- Have no idea where I was going with this, but I'm okay with where it went and decided to stop writing this and open the blind again. May add more later
*-- Took someones advice and added more. Completely satisfied.
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