Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Nov 23 Anais Vionet
Jill
Nightly whiskey flow
stains a white-walled childhood home
Parents seem blurry
Love and danger co-occur
Paroxysms of anger

In childhood there’s no room for shades of grey
It’s black or white, confusion sits unused
A place for everything and each in place
And I am in control and thus to blame
Come adulthood to show me I’m confused

So, consequences passed down like a gift
In genes and in behaviours left unchecked
To witness fights, hard falls, deep burns, and pain
The trauma transfer, second-hand ingrained
With love and anger, care and dark neglect

Then later roughly realise there was wrong
The blend of wrong and love is hard to hold
Most often see the child who fails at school
With low self-concept, guilt, hot shame, and fear
But all built strength and power left untold

Compensatory
change for homeostasis
Strong roles adopted
Scars deftly hidden
Chaos-order alchemy

I must be The Responsible One
Parentification at maximum pitch
A list-making, chore-running, stable-housemaster
A self-worth creator from jobs neatly done
All leisure-time wary and leadership-rich

I must be The Adjuster as well
Will follow directions and bounce from extremes
A dime-spinning, change-juggling, fresh puddle-jumper
Surprise and emergency make me excel
More calm at the edges than flat in-betweens

I must be The Calming Placater
Maintaining still waters whatever my price
A vigilant, change sensing, smoothing class helper
To people-please acts as a guilt-shame assuager
All pliable, social, and overly nice

Imperfect but strong
coping mechanisms forged
Power in order
Capable, dependable
Psyche shaped by survival
©2024

The role descriptions in this poem (The Responsible One, The Adjuster, The Placater) are based on an article by Claudia Black (1979), called "Children of alcoholics," published in Alcohol Research and Health (4(1):23-27).

BLT Webster’s Word of the Day challenge (paroxysm) date 22nd November 2024. Paroxysm is a formal word that refers to a sudden strong feeling or uncontrollable expression of emotion.
 Nov 23 Anais Vionet
Emma
She rubbed her hands and shook her head,
In the dim-lit room where shadows bled.
The weight of the past, a burdened tune,
Settled like mist beneath the moon.

She knew her power, a tempest near,
Yet bore it cloaked in trembling fear.
A shotgun resting in her palm,
A gentle grip, a vengeful calm.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, her voice a flame,
“I found the love you never could name.
Little gifts in the morning and soft embrace,
No lies hidden in a polished face.”

No masks, no smiles of hollow hues,
For her heart lived honest, pure, and true.
She bore the scars of a past unkind,
But they made her whole, they steeled her mind.

He, who once loomed, a shadow of dread,
Now but a ghost in a story long fled.
Behind closed doors, his venom had crept,
Yet now she ruled where his malice slept.

No longer shamed, no longer small,
She stood as a queen, above it all.
And should he return, his gaze would stray,
For the woman he knew had melted away.

With steady breath, she faced the night,
A sovereign soul, her heart alight.
For those who endure the darkest storm,
Rise anew, their power reborn.
 Nov 23 Anais Vionet
Emma
Blade cuts through the dusk,
Tulips bow with fleeting grace,
Shadows stretch to meet the night—
Silent petals fall.
 Nov 23 Anais Vionet
Maddy
Thanks for reading
Thanks for comments
Taking a short break
Need to reevaluate where my writing is going
When a bookstore puts your books on their websites but not in their brick and mortar stores
Am I not good enough?
Maybe I really can’t write?
Not looking to lick my wounds or for you to cheer me on
Your comments are appreciated more than I can say
I may very well be back but for now you all write on
Write on?
I waited and waited for the sun to shine
heavy rains soaked me to the bone
all hope was lost, as was my mind
I was destined for a life alone

no woman would accept this pathetic fool
no man would dream of being my friend
cast aside before the rising tide
no chance of avoiding the end

yet in all the madness and all the pain
you came and made me whole
my anxiety was pacified
I at last had found a role

it was not an easy road to take
or a journey full of joy
yet I had the task to attempt to raise
my perfect little boy

now you have grown into a man
a caring and loving, sensitive soul
and I, your father, swear to you
I will never forsake my role
Next page