My chemical romance dead...

"...And if your heart stops beating I'll be here wondering, did you get what you deserved? The ending of your life? And if you get to heaven I'll be here waiting baby, you get what you deserve. So when your heart won't take then this heart you break. Your dead..."

I can't help wondering if I will be going to hell.
There's really no way to tell.
Sure you can spend your life begging for forgiveness.
But what makes you think it covers your sins.
Almost every day I get the feeling I'm going to hell.
I know why it's the reason I fell.
Ascended from the good girl I was.

..."Time makes you bolder,
Children get older, and I'm getting older too.
So take this love and I took it down.
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hill.
Well maybe, well maybe, the landslide will bring you down. "...
Stay strong. You couldn't be more perfect. You are an amazing human. One of the best humans I know. Every time you wave or smile at me I can't help but smile back. You are freaking beautiful and defiantly one of my best friends.

Just like a child
Young and wild.
Never setting limits.
Racing through life.
Never knowing wrong from right.

All the voices here and there.
You are worthless screamed everywhere.
My thoughts scold me for the past.
She I knew you couldn't be in a relationship that last
Remember all the nights you spend together?
******* ****.
Hope you never get out of the depressed rut.
Go take another pill.
Drink till your guts spill.
Achohol poisoning might do you well.
That was why our relationship fell.
I got a habit.
One that became an addiction before I could grab it.
Remember the time the girls came and jumped me?
Left me there bleeding?
Yeah that was fun.
Who helped? No one.
I'm pathetic.
I'm a lunatic.
So drugged up I cant think straight.
So high I can't do great.
I'm an idiot.
Should have never slept with her.
She was my murderer.
I'm an idiot.

The way the blade bites.
The way it runs down your skin on lonely nights.
When the voices in your head won't stop.
Take the sliver blade and feel it drop. One cut.
A little deeper.
Feel it dig in to your skin as a pain reliever.
Sweet relief.
No more grief.
Wait how am I gonna hide this from mom.
She'll  wonder what's going on.
Why is your arm bleeding.
Why are the red lines seeping.
Why the hell????

I've wrote a poem about her before.
Never had enough words.
Can't figure out what to say.
Day by day.
She is the light.
The last person I text at night.
She is the only person I trust.
When my family turned to dust.
Yes there is my girlfriend.
She's really something.
To young to really understand bipolar.
I don't want to hurt her.
I don't want to be a murderer.
Like with Chae.
I still think of her everyday.
Blame myself for her addiction.
Blame myself for her pain.
Thought racing through my brain.
Would I be better dead.
Thoughts racing through my head.
I am going to pull the trigger.
Just not yet.
I'll wait til everyone who lives leaves.
Like everyone else I've ever loved.

Sleep tight little angel.
Sleep tight my sweet nightingale.
Let the dark cast over you.
Let your body decide what to do.
Curled up and asleep.
Dry your tears that you no longer weep.
Stay strong my young love.
Don't cry my white dove.
I know it's hard.
I know I cut my wrists with a shard.
Shard from the mirror I looked into.
I am insecure.
Never really here.
I'm too fat.
I scratch my skin until I scream stop doing that.
Dried blood lines my wrists.
All my friends ask why I wear long sleeves.
Maybe someday they will see.
Red lines.
Ever so fine.
Tears in my eyes.
Tears as my soul cries.
Yes people love me.
Something I can barely see.
Her touch is healing.
The only good feeling.
But until then I cry.
And die inside.