I'm trying to be positive
y'know?
I'm trying to smile with my teeth
I'm trying to find things in the world beautiful.
I'm trying to be happy
y'know?
Because maybe I'll be happy enough
To love again.
I'm trying.
I promise.

I'm laying here being highly confused about my life and all I can do is stare into space and pray for an outlet to fall into my lap
An outlet to let me express, let me feel, let me scream
And here I an writing
Because unbeknown to me my prayers were answered long ago
Yet I was too blinded by my need for another's glory that I didn't see mine staring at me, waving at me and calling my name

I hear rain drops falling.
I can see colorful leaves falling .
And I found myself falling
for you.

When life is getting you down turn to God.
When you are feeling weak or sick turn to God.
When you are Lonely turn to God for comfort.
Anytime and every single time turn to God.
For he is the source of everything that you need.
He is your beginning and your ending as well.
For there is none other that can save us from sin.
For he is our Life, when you accept him as your Savior.
Then your Life falls into place and you belong to him.

It's not fair
To tell me I burden you
I didn't ask for this
I'm trying my hardest really
Do you think I want this?
Did this on purpose?
I want to be the girl who talks to people without hesitation
To speak my mind
To get up and dance
To not cry when I'm alone
Not be unable to breathe when I feel the slightest bit of social awkwardness
Not be offended by everyones' joke and jab at me
Which usually leads to more crying and hating myself
I don't want to look in the mirror and hate what I see
I don't want you to think I'm off putting because I'm quiet most of the time
I don't hate or dislike you
I hate and dislike me which is why I could never talk to a person like you
I don't want to love feeling second best at everything
I don't want to be treated differently because of my physicality and mentality
I don't want you to leave
I don't want you to feel like you have to fix me
I can't be fixed
Pain is relentless and forever
I stare for long periods of time contemplating my death
But I realize I can hurt the people that hurt me
I am weak
I am sad
I wish I could stop feeling this bad

Lace and old scraps of paper
buried deep in my heart
Lined my pockets once I see
but they tore apart.
They dwell on my mind
wafting through my being
Distorting images, blanking out
from what I ought to be seeing.

God has a dream for each and everyone of us to receive from him.
Christ has a purpose for each and everyone of us his people.
This purpose is different then the dream that he has for us.
Christ has gifts for each and everyone of us his loving people.
For Christ has so much love for us his people in this world.
He has so much to give and to share with us all whom are trying to draw to him.
For he shall not give up on us whom really are drawing to him our God.