Missing you feels like,
a cold, empty hand,
clamped around the lonely shadows of
my heart, in the crevices of the sheets,
Cradling myself at four in the morning.

you should’ve never unpacked your bags,
because it gave me this expectation that you were in this for the long run. i’m still running. i have swallowed so much blood that tastes like your regret from biting down my tongue to cage it behind my teeth from screaming about you to a world that wants my blood for ink.
i am more than a number, but 24 makes me feel better than 26, so i sit in jeans that leave red marks on my hips and make it hard to breathe, but see it’s two inches and
i am more than a number, but i know every test score i ever got and still remember fourth grade and question three and crying because suddenly my mistakes had weight and i couldn’t fix things by saying sorry and
i am more than a number, but i was always the middle child, always the not-quite one, not the best friend to anyone, just a girl with kind eyes and jeans that are a little bit too tight and
i am more than a number but to you i am seventeen, ten and three. and lets be clear; it’s the three that haunts me, because *** doesn’t matter and ‘girlfriend’ is just a label, but i wish i was the first girl you truly loved, and sometimes i still wish i was the last, but with you i fear i’ll forever be just another number.
i drove over 17 bridges the other day and next week i'll do it again and i think nobody gets what that means except maybe you.
i just tell them i love the scenery, that somebody must've made these trees blush just for me.
you know how i love to change the subject?
i bet they'd love the view. i bet you would too.
and all these metaphors for other things are beside the point.
this is a metaphor for why i don't wear my seatbelt, a metaphor for why whiskey knows me better than you could ever try to.
all the buildings seemed to sag yesterday and all the stars are doing that cliche thing where they talk quiet jet noise and some lumbering giant made everything shake.
not those hand metaphors, not another one of those & keep the sea to yourself,
i think it was a train, it's sound hugged the embankment for a moment and then trailed off into nowhere,
and that's kind of like me
how there's a town called 'rescue' close to my home and it's no coincidence that i've never been there.
i’m just flatlining now and hoping that you can look at the next girl the way i looked at you.

Sometimes I have to take a moment
just to focus on my life
Because I know not a single struggle
is to be solved with a knife
You see there are much easier ways
to get through difficult times
I myself, like to write
I am at ease with my rhymes
When I find myself really struggling
or life's getting rough
I collect my thoughts on paper
that for me is enough
So if you remember anything dear
please remember this note
Nothing is to be solved with a knife
life was meant to be wrote

I wrote you a letter
with tears and spilled ink
saying how I felt
writing all my fears;
that piece of parchment
holds all my secrets
it knows all my hiding places
and I was willing to show you
in hopes that you'd stay.

Autumn, dont fall,
You've been holding on since spring.
Why when you change colors do the birds cease to sing.?
Why when you change colors does the breeze tend to sting.?
& knowingly, its gray days and dark nights that you bring..

Why does the fall exist?
Reminding us of bliss?

How the leaves turn to rainbows, and women cover their hips,
Leaving us with that mystery,
That, i wanna learn your history,
That, i wanna dissect your pain and microscope your misery,

just to see you clearly,

Autumn was her name.
but we fell apart, fell like a sandcastle in the rain..
but that sandbox taught me about life in a sense..
every fallen leaf is a loss of innocence.

So i spend my days raking,
& my labor comes with pride,

But by the time I'm done, the leaves turn green, the fall is in my mind.

-AFJ

Monday night.
The hour will come that we say our goodbyes.
I wish this didn't have to come my love.
The moment our embrace must end and I'll be driving for hours on end.
Just to see the sad face you make will be the death of me.
Keep me close.
Its 9 months away but I swear well be back together before you know.
Don't shed a tear.
Because I'm miles away but tonight I'm still here.
Christmas will come.
Through blizzard or ice I'll make it to you I swear. I'll be there.