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 Nov 2014 Alexandra Tillmann
Emmy
I want to softly whisper
incomplete poems
on your collar bones
that don't rhyme with anything
but your heavy breathing.

I want to bury my face
in the curves of your neck
because you smell like the winter clouds
and I've been gazing at the sky
since you left.
dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up
On this Remembrance Day, I think of all those who have served, with a special thought for Dad.  And though she has no medals, I also think of Mom; every tour of duty Dad went through, she went through too, taking care of us on her own.

*** Edit: Thank you for all your kind words!  Due to a recent outpouring of sympathy, I feel it necessary to clear up the fact that my dad did in fact make it home from this mission; his tour had simply been extended for an additional 3 months.  Still, it isn't easy being part of a military family - and that's what I meant to show. ***
I find it downright admirable
to read the thoughts of ordinary people
which may transpose letters on the sheet,
forming eternal words with magic meanings.
I tend to think there is a hidden power,
because some souls can be healed with good metaphors.
it’s not like I think it was meant to be this way
our pasts are woven into tapestries our bruises
look the same
“she took a beating and so did you” I know. I felt it too
the puddles of our footprints run together the winds that shaped you
ground me to the dirt
the rest of this journey was a blur but I remembered you
“she took a beating and she’s
beautiful”
you’re the rarest thing I’ve ever loved you’re the purest thing in me
the first time I saw you your story was rewritten in my eyes
with the first note of your copper voice you took me and ever since
I run blood red,
heart, and all,
I want nothing more than my hands in yours, for once
it’s like you could love me without killing me too
(I am used to teeth and claws they ate our hearts out,
you and me,
all this time, my face blood red,
all blood, and all)
it’s not fair of me to drag you back into this, and
with my hand on my healing throat I will not say anything at all
our pasts on leashes left on trees our bruises
look the same (like sour galaxies, like stains,
our skin blood red,
stars, and all)
you’re the purest thing I’ve ever loved, I love you
(love you, love you, and all)
in you I run blood red, heart, and all, and
for once it doesn’t feel like dying
with your hands on my busted knees I will not say anything at all
“she took a beating
and she left”
(as well she should)
someday I will let you go but we will run blood red,
hearts, star-crossed, and all
sorry everyone
there are some fears that I go to sleep at night
and one is crossing now my mind,
one of these days
I will wake up.
 Nov 2014 Alexandra Tillmann
E
if I could be given a new mind
I'd never have to think of you
if I could get myself a new heart
I wouldn't even remember you

your silence
was an earthquake
a calm before the storm
what happens to the love that's left over
after two has become one?
Inside of your mind and body
A numbing occurs
You feel shallow

So shallow

Like a lowering tide
As if the oceans will dry up
Forcing you and the fish to choke on air

But at least you'll have something in common

                                        Alysia Marie 2014 ©
Over time
I built the box
wall by wall
day by day
composed of dreams
and desires
ideals, beliefs, and goals

Over time
it kept me safe
and where I wanted to be
within the boundaries
of what I wanted
pushing me to succeed
keeping me in line

Over time
it became a prison
trapping me in, not letting me out
leaving no room for growth
no room to move
to change, improve,
or to fail

Over time
I took it down
wall by wall
day by day
removed of dreams
and desires
ideals, beliefs, and goals

Over time
replaced by the openness
of being whatever I want to be
able to let things go
and to make mistakes
for to err is to be human
and with that I was set free
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