Everyone sees how you look at me
I don't understand why I don't see it
I am sorry friend of mine
But you will not be mine

Old thoughts come out to play
Mind is flooding of thoughts from the past
Just like a wild child strung out on caffeine
Every time I catch-up to my thoughts
They keep running away from me
Now I'm losing sleep
Because the dead version of me
Is haunting my dreams
Here I lay wide awake
Wishing I could sleep

I love reading my old poems
It puts me back in my old shoes
Now its different
In hindsight the recent past
Has made me more of a man
Certainly I went through some growing pains
But it was worth it

They tell me give up
Give up on something I want
I told them get lost

Started off with a bad joke
Then I kept playing my cards
She was eating it up
Loving every word I said
Laughing at everything I said

I was talking to her just to pass the time
She has a though exterior
She has a heart of gold
A body composed by an angel

The way she opened up was so exhilarating
Then she started hitting on me
Telling me about how bold and brave I was
She loved how open I was with her
Although we were at work

Then she added me on Facebook
I would've never guessed
She Is a model with a massive following
Everyone wants her attention
Creepy guys have wrote her love poems
Just trying to grab her attention

I had a perfect picture of it in my mind
Then i went to work
One stroke here and then another there
Some days I painted to put my mind at ease
There were days I would paint with anger
Others I would paint so carefree
Before I knew it I was finished

I hated it
It wasn't what I pictured in my head
So I kept adding onto it
Until it became a beautiful collage
It wasn't what I pictured in my head
But now it's perfect

I don't want this
I am standing here looking clueless
Clueless to what is happening
I have accepted it won't end well
Still here I am
Standing here hoping it will be okay
I am terrified because today he looked at me
Looked at me with a fire that I have never seen
A fire that spoke with passion and love
A look that pierced my soul
I have bullet proof armor but his shot
Nearly killed me....