I've come to realize that no one knows. No one knows a **** thing on this earth.
They don't know what it's like to be you.
Nor will they ever understand.

No one can see what's deep beneath my heart. Some try to rummage through my body or scratch the surface of my skin attempting to find it my lungs, in my ribs, in my soul.

But where it lies is in my mind.
For these are where my fears reside.
The center and roots of my problems.

My thoughts are ones to ****. And they make their way each day down to my soul scratching. Trying to break open the barrier. They are darkness attempting to conquer my soul. To capture and enslave it. They play tricks and toil with me. Making me believe that this is the only way out. They strangle my lungs and force my ribs to crush the very thing it is trying to protect...
My heart.

My hands each day reach out to the universe. Hoping something will grab me and pull me up but each day I get a little bit further out.
Soon the black will consume me.
And I'll be too far to reach.
Suspended in darkness too bleak to see.


But nobody knows.
No one will ever know what it's like to be me.

-a.

Press ******* beneath your ear,
Feel the swift pulse of a lover's kiss,
The devestated trickle of a meandering tear,
The muted thump that accompanies a crinkled eye
And the halted thud, seized by fear.
Feel your heart steadily beating.
This is it:
Living.

I came on too strong,
and I rubbed your soul wrong.
Now I'm strung along
by a silent, unloved song.

it scares me how lonely i can be
how i will do anything, anything, anything
just to feel affection
just to feel like i belong
to feel like i am worthy of love

because lately i have been bleeding and needing You
but i look for love in all the wrong places

my heart is stitched on my sleeve
but nobody ever looks at me
i want to shine brighter than the sun
but my fears dim my light into a mere shadow

i'm sick of wanting
of desiring something that cannot be

is this it for me?
is this all?
why has life been so cruel?

And
I cannot help but wonder,
how much more
there can be
to endure.
How many more
oceans of silence
must I sail?
How many more
deserts of nothingness
must I drag myself across?
How many more
hopeless forest fires
must burn through me?
I am strong
and
I will stay so,
but still
I wonder
when the horizon
will give way
and I can say
it is over
at last.

shower (n.): a place to practice the words you'll never say

Im fine*
Falls out of my mouth
So easily
The words no longer
Hold meaning