"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who are
Heartbreaking knowing the moment,
they see their children leave home
to cross a dessert they might ever cross.
Heartbreaking knowing once they do arrive al Norte
decades might pass without seeing eachother.
Heartbreaking knowing that they might not get to know
their nietos because their salud esta muy delicada
Heartbreaking knowing that their would be a chance
of someone dying in either side
and wont be able to say the last goodbye.

"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who
I have never got the chance to meet.
Abuelitos who I loved since the day
I saw pictures junto a mis padres
Abuelitos who I share sangre y caracter and face feautures.
Habra un dia donde nos reuniemos como la familia que somos.
Pero hoy escribo un poema en sus memoria.
Tambien para los abuelitos que me siguen esperando,
Los quiero mucho y sean fuertes

In memory of Memorio Covarrubias y Cecilia Martinez.

What others might see it as a Mexican game,
In my eyes it means so much more.
It symbolizes the unity and bond between family
Each loteria card reminds me of someond
Like la valiente reprents my mother,
Strong and brave
It also reminds me of how life works.
Sometimes it may look like you are winning
But end up losing. Or vise versa.
When you you thougth you have lose it all,
A sudden turn happens and win.

I know the feeling.
The feeling of foreign hands in your body
Against your will
Your throat becomes tight
Your tongue becomes numb
Your mind goes blank
Your body starts to shake heavy
This is it. He wins over
He might had the physical power
to use your body to his pleasure
But tu, mujer are stronger than he is.
The aftermath will want to shut you down
but use your tongue to bring justice.
Dont let fear make you inferior.
Dont let him prey for the next girl.
Dont let another voice be let unheard.

I cant be surprised when nobody calls.
When all I have is ignore texts.
I cant be surprised when nobody visits.
When all I have is shut myself in my room
when visitors come.
All my effort and time has been used
To build walls, even between family.
Mi madre yells at me,
"Si quieres estar sola. Sola quedaras. Sola te moriras"
I thought she was being dramatic.
But then I answered phone calls,
Welcome guests to my home.
I tried my best to have a smile in my face,
But I had a knot in my throat
And a remolino in my stomach.
I no longer know how to be out of my soledad.
So decided to go back to my soledad.
After a while, I noticed what my mother had said.
I was slowly dying.
I was dying in the inside out.
I couldnt blame nobody else but me.