I wished to be with you and I wished to be free
but see they told me to only choose one
I could not see what it meant to be free
So I chose you. But choosing you
proved not so true when from your neck
your face turned blue too
Now i see, that to choose you so true
would be to choose “free” but not for me
but free for you and only you.

she’s the girl who will remember everything. from your birthday, to the story behind that scar on your left arm, to the number of freckles on your body.

she will love every inch of your body and your soul and even the heart you didn’t know you had.

she will take in everything you have to offer and give you back so much more. so much, that you won’t even know what to do with it.

she will open up the world for you. from books and music and film to things like culture and race and language.

she’s smarter and far more beautiful than she dares herself to show.

and you will love her.

you will love her like you’ve never loved anybody before.

she will level every winter your body has suffered with all the springs her bones have weathered.

and when you go, because you can no longer handle her, she will drown herself in alcohol and drugs and sorrow. and wonder why she wasn’t good enough.

she will refuse to be saved by any other hand because nobody can touch her quite like you.

she will **** herself with loneliness and then resurrect with her own scent.
and then she will do it again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

she will be weak and strong and bold and shy and mean and nice and everything in between.

she will grow. she will grow strong and tall.

and so will you.

and in ten years from now, when you run into her at the supermarket, she will ask about your marriage.

and while you’re there telling her about your wife, who is home with the kids, and your job, she will feel genuinely happy for you.

because she forgave you. she forgave you for walking away and she forgave herself for ever thinking she wasn’t good enough.

she will have realized by then that sometimes life will give you somebody just to watch you break when it takes them away from you.

and she will be okay with it.

and so will you.

but, she will walk away without telling you about her life because she doesn’t want you to hear it in her voice that she still remembers your birthday, and that birthmark on your right shoulder.

and that ten years ago, she had hoped you would run into somebody else and told them all about her being at home with the kids.

Everyday for me is the same,
I don't know what to really say.
The world is not your oyster,
all I do is make bad choices.
I try and try to succeed,
but all I do is fail and misleed.
People just don't understand my situation,
they can see my anger and my frustration.
I pretend like like there's nothing wrong,
but really I was sad all along.
You feel like nobody really cares,
and when they ask you,you just fill up with tears.
You are stressed and depressed you don't know how to deal with it,
the world is tearing you apart bit by bit.
I can't get the words out of my mouth,
because I don't want then to know.
I can't help but hide my emotions,
because all I am feeling inside is broken.
I dream that I am swimming in an ocean,
were nobody can touch me and I have no emotion.
I feel like I just don't care,
I then feel on my cheek there's a tear.
I'm living in a lie,one that i created,
because this is just not me,and this person I hated.
Although today I am still alive,
I just hope that tomorrow I will survive.

You are
Not defined by a number
On a scale or on a card.
Not the likes on social media,
Nor what the world thinks you are.

You are
The pain in all your teardrops,
The laugh in every smile.
The times you failed but tried again,
The hope in every sigh.
You're found
In people whom you love,
And the ones who love you too.
In memories you hold so close-
In light, in love, and truth.
There's you
In that which you call home,
Where home embraces you;
Where you store your hopes and dreams,
And pain and sorrow too.
There's you
In all that you regret,
In the shame you hide away;
But remember that all that has
Made you who you are today.

I've found
This world has one huge flaw:
It speaks lies, proclaiming truth;
It's poisoned you to think that you
Can be measured, made, and used.

So darling I pray you'll see today:
True beauty lies within.
Don't let yourself define you by
Numbers or cuts on your skin.

You are
More than my words can ever say;
There's so much to a heart
More than the world will understand-
There's more to who
You are.

-c.t.

I felt the weight of a million universes on my shoulders and in my head, pounding

Blood rushing to my head and I cannot fathom obtaining any peace until my blood has stopped pumping

Undesirable, inconsolable, insecure, three words to describe my demeanor

Torn from what I wanted , needed, and all I knew, brought to a state of numbness

Walking around like an emotional, emotionless zombie, unable to think speak or feel properly

Heavy heavy heart, what more can you endure when all you've got left is shattered pieces, too shattered to put back together

My eyes fill like a bathtub and my skin tingles with a feeling of remorse

There's a deep pang at the back of my throat, and a sharp stab in the center of my chest, I cannot feel this way .

This is not what it is supposed to be.