isn't it weird how we tell our friends and sometimes our coworkers that they're our family thinking that it's gonna make them feel like they're a part of something? like the word always has a positive connotation. you know..? we say things like, "we're not just friends. we're family." and at graduation ceremonies, you always hear the valedictorian say, "we became a family over the last four years." but that's not always what people wanna hear, you know.. sometimes we overlook the fact that people actually really hate the word and the last thing they wanna hear is someone tell them that they're family. that they hate the expression. sometimes all they need to hear is, "no... we're not family. we're your friends. and the great part about it is -- you get to pick us. you know, choose us. you don't have to settle for.. the violent alcoholics or the annoying siblings. the dumb cousins or the aunt who never minds her business."
I mean, I know people say it to be nice and it's the intention or the feeling behind it that matters. to care for a friend like they're a family member is great if you care for your family, but that's just it... what if you don't care for your family or they don't care for you, you know? having someone tell you you're like family isn't really comforting or pleasant to hear under those circumstances. and if you do have a messed up family, your friends will say, "you found a family in us." and it's like.. no, I don't want one. I want friends. I have a family and it's ****** up. why would I want another one?
Good morning, doll.
What's up, doll?
Get some rest, doll.
Good morning, toy.
What's up, toy?
Get some rest, toy.
Let the games begin.
you said you didn't love me
& I realized
I'd never heard you say something so confidently
Not even months before
when you had said you were sure you did
are you home?
yeah, what's up?
can you come outside?
she's okay now.
ya know, just in case you were wondering.
that hole you left in her chest feels... whole.
I refuse to romanticize heartbreak.
it's not okay.
it's not okay for you to walk away as I stand there and watch you while breathing foul air.
it's not okay for you to come back just as the smoke is clearing up and then start a forest fire once again.
it's not okay now and it wasn't okay then.
it was never okay.
and yes, I resent you.
I don't need a breathing mask anymore.
The flames don't burn.
The smoke doesn't cloud my eyes.
I learned to take the heat.
to embrace the fire.
hey, that rhymed.
...But what compels a person to allow themselves to do something as stupid as to fall in love, is beyond me.
It starts with something as simple as their favorite color, movie, and book.
Next thing you know, you're up at 4 AM smoking their favorite cigarettes just to remind yourself of what they tasted like.
You brew their favorite coffee and know what parts of the book made it their favorite without ever having asked.
You know every note on their favorite song and that the performer has a birthmark on their left cheek.
And you tell yourself you won't listen to any more songs because you don't want to become a genuine fan.
But before you know it, you too are buying concert tickets.
And smoking squares for fun.
"I'm so OCD"
OCD isn't a joke.
Washing your hands over and over again until your skin is raw isn't a joke.
Doing things that your brain tells you to do, regardless of what, isn't funny.
Not having control is not a joke.
"You look so anorexic."
Eating disorders are not a joke.
Refusing to eat until it kills you isn't a joke.
Throwing up over and over again to get a body that you will never be happy with isn't funny.
Being control by the one thing that makes you feel like you have control isn't a joke.
"That made me so depressed."
Chemical imbalances in the brain isn't a joke.
Wanting to do nothing all the time isn't funny.
Wanting to die all the time isn't a joke.
Stop making jokes about things you don't understand.
And if you are dealing with any eating or mental disorder, I am so proud of you for still being here and staying strong. I know how hard recovery is. You will overcome it.