A midwinter dream,
the land of living betwixt,
I find mostly serene.

There are days, though, it seems
this land is full of conflict
and less of dreams.

This land of death and screams
where children take their last breaths,
and everyone demands to know what it means.

Take solace in the fact one cannot intervene,
a spot is secured with every death
on the better side of things.

And be thankful, in the end, it is not up to us- you see,
The Lord taketh, and he giveth, and so who the hell are we?
I would much rather remember, than be the one to take away another's dream.

when someone goes to heaven
you forget they are there
you forget you cannot call them up
because all you will get is their voice mail, if you're lucky

when someone goes to heaven
you lose a part of you
you lose a certain spark that only they could ignite

when someone goes to heaven
things are not the same
things cannot go on the way they did
even though you had just forgotten
that they cannot text you back
and make you laugh they way they always did

In these times
Looking back at her in such great distress
Backing up sitting down breathing heavy now I rest
Walking through numb recollections
Impressions on the mind in every single action

Choreograph fake rain
Blood running from my swollen vein
Sweat running down my face
All because I’m thinking of her taste

Show number one is playing on the big screen
Reminiscing laughter together
And what I’m now missing
Tears dripping down no need to act out this pain
Good for them I’m thinking
Spare them from this place
Learning everyone can use a little amazing grace
This foundation I laid
Slipping on the mud in this heavy rain
Rain will come rain will go
But this bottom wasn’t meant to hold
I’m a soggy wash up
In need of a new resting place
One that shows number two on the big screen

Stuck in a daze just another phase
pushing through the maze just to get through the days
I won’t forget you only remember
Just moving on to find a new member
Mutual love will cease my shaky temper

I saw you last night.
you were standing across the room, but I couldn't stop looking at you long enough to tell myself to move my feet.
I touched you last night.
you must've noticed my twitching palm and because you know me so well, you knew it was because of how uncomfortable I get when you stare.
I held you last night.
for the first time in eight months I was lucky enough to breathe you in and my god you still smell the same as you did the day you told me you couldn't love me anymore. I was too much. of what I don't know but maybe it was because I refused to give myself up for you time and time again.
I kissed you last night.
I think it killed me.
my lips haven't felt that much sadness since you kissed me with tears on your cheeks and blood on my wrist. your voice echoing in my head "why did you do this, oh my god why did you do this, please don't do this again. I'm begging you please baby stop"
you were mine last night.
for the short time we were together, there was no one else.
I wouldn't dare give my attention to anything besides your hand on my thigh. I couldn't possibly move mine from you neck. I was bonded to you in a way I haven't experienced since I gave you my innocence.
I woke up this morning.
cursed myself for dreaming about you once again. I pressed my hands to my mouth and repeated over and over
"you are not mine
you were never mine
you never will be mine.
I was never yours.
I will never be yours."

What scares me the most is
the fact that I will never see you again
I'm scared that when we're old that
I will be withered by time like
paper left in the sun
I'm scared that we will be frail
with bones like glass that
will fails us
I'm scared that time will have gone by
too quickly as we look back and try to grasp
all that we had lost
I'm scared of when we shut our eyes
for the last time and then that
is it for us
What scares me the most is
the fact that I will never see you again
I'm scared