Dear, can I be honest with you?
I just don’t know anymore; I don’t know what to do.
I’ve forgotten how to be the girl everyone needs me to be.
And I don’t know how I got so far away from you.
I just don’t know why you even stuck around or why
You even dared to raise your glass to many more last nights.

Never once in my wildest nightmares did it come to this, but here we are.
Swallowing the water we’re surrounded by and being weighed down.
And the more we try to stay up, the more we drown.
Never once in my greatest daydream did you even stick around, but here you are.
But it’s only a matter of time before you close the door on any chance we had.
But it’s only a matter of time before we go back to being empty and sad.

I long to be near you, just to stand by you.
I’ve said it too many times and you’re probably tired
Of hearing my voice, this sorry broken record.
It all makes sense when I look into your eyes.
Everything falls into place when your baby browns meet mine,
But when I look away, it’s all askew and undefined.

Life has thrown me curveballs I’ve managed to dodge.
I’ll never regret catching you, you random act of God.
You’ve given me hope and found me when I was lost.
You are too good for me and I don’t need to be told twice.
But I need to be around you to keep myself alive, to keep myself up.
The touch of your skin, the sound of your voice, I can’t get enough.

I’m being honest, dear.

I am a step behind death,
Following slowly behind the blackness.
I am a step beyond love,
Leaps and bounds beyond what everyone talks about.

And I will die trying to stop that plane.
The plane that’ll carry you away,
Back over the rainbow, to your musical life
And sun kissed afternoons
I will die trying to hold you here.

I am a step behind death,
Heaven and Hell are leading me down.
I am a mile beyond love,
Feet and yards beyond what everyone else feels.

And I will die trying to keep you here.
The place you came to explore,
Foggy and rainy and lonely and empty,
With no sun or the sky to bid you welcome.
Just the girl that wants to trap you here.

I am right beside death.
The dark is helping me hold this airplane down.
I am mountains beyond love.
Treks and journeys beyond what everyone talks about.

Tell the girl with the name
like a bird that you don’t think she’s crazy.
Tell her a boy will write a song
just for her someday.
And if you know he won’t,
if you think she’s insane,
just don’t let her know you think that way.

She’s seen the dark side of the moon,
the pits of hell ablaze, stared darkness
in the face and still stands here today.
Give or take a few things,
she’s still the same as she was three years ago,
so tell her a boy will write a song for her.
Even if you know he won’t.

She needs a lie, an easily-believed
snow-white lie. Tell the girl with the
name like a bird that she looks
beautiful today. That you’re so glad
she’s doing okay. That a boy will write a song
just for her someday. I can almost promise
she’ll believe it.

She’s not easily fooled, but when you’re
empty a little bit of hope can do the job
of getting you filled. So tell her you don’t
think she’s crazy, that the boy she’s been wishing
for all winter will come her way, and he’ll
write a song about being in love with her
someday.

I’ve been thinking about the first time I laid eyes on you,
I’ve been thinking about you way too much lately, if you ask me.
You don’t need someone like me,

You don’t need a weight to hold you down while you run from
The east coast to the west coast to north to south,
Waiting for you to return to me.

Picturing you with her is the hardest thing
because I know that she’s slowly helping you heal,
Helping you because I’m the one who broke your ******* heart.
And everything brings me to tears,
and I feel so helpless,
and I really need you here
But I don’t have anyone,
my only company are the demons.
Drowning me,
suffocating,
keeping me here,
with sleepless nights,
and wounds that won’t heal.
I know I broke you
but I want to be the one who heals you again.

It’s all internal now.
You’re in a room.
No door,
no windows—
just four tall,
white walls.
The walls shake uncontrollably,
as if the earth were coming to an end.
What’s happening?
"Walls,
stop shaking,"
you say.
"That’s enough."
You wonder if you’ve ever had any control over the walls at all;
they don’t seem to listen to you.
Shortly,
everything will come tumbling down,
and you can’t do anything about it.
You sit and wait.

Suddenly,
through the nonexistent cracks in the walls,
waves come crashing
over your head and
down to your feet.
If a spark were to touch the water right now,
the room would instantly turn to ashes—
or so it feels.
You close your eyes,
hoping for an escape.
Yet you still know where all the water is,
simply by following the un-ignorable surge
that is felt across your entire body with each ever-growing hit of a wave.

Where are you?
Why don’t the walls break already?
And why aren’t you dead yet?

You open your eyes again
as you jolt awake in the middle of the night.
Your heart is pounding and your hands are trembling.
The beginning of the waves—
you’ve felt them.