I live my life wearing a mask and with this mask I feel invincible in which case I'm always changing it. Yet in this mask I've grown confident and capable to walk among this world. I love how I can change it at anytime to fit my needs and adapt to any situation. Although beneath this mask hides my darkest secrets and a blacken soul. I've noticed only few souls can see this side of me and like to take advantage of my moments of weakness. It's as though they've been waiting for me to show the darkness seeping through the corners of my mask.
I live my life wearing a mask with this mask I feel invincible in which case I'm always changing it. Yet in this mask I've grown tired, restless, and incapable to even crawl among this world. I hate how I've allowed myself to be tamed and sheltered from this world only being present when asking for permission. My dark soul seeks to rebel at any and all costs and prevail against those I once loved. This is my greatest fears cause once I've become unhinged there's no turning back.

They say we enter this world alone and we die alone. Yet there are souls who inspire us, give us hope, and help us to see life more freely. I understand the whole alone in this world but God there are souls that can light you up. Those are the moments I treasure, the rare souls that bring us to believe life isn't meant to be lived alone, hence to ride it for all its worth.

Beautiful Soul

From the moment you were born I felt a high sense of responsibility for you. I treasured u from a far but always know I loved you unconditionally. I made sure to watch over you when given the chance and guide you as best I could. You were the most beautiful soul I have ever met and knew I loved u from the start. You're smile could brighten even the darkest of days and you're laughter was contagious. I loved your free spirit and enjoyed our time spent.
From the moment you were born I felt a high sense of responsibility for you. You will always be apart of our family and will continue to be even after. It's very rare to find a soul you can connect with and escape into a world of your own with that person. You brought sunshine to my life and will always be my favorite person.
From the moment you were born I felt a high sense of responsibility for you. The day you left this world was the darkest of days. It was a day your bright star went out and your smile will forever be burned into my memories. You left this world so young and had so much more life in you. I miss my beautiful niece, my beautiful soul.

The night wakes me and engulfs me into its darkness leaving me haunted by past lovers. Situations that were never fully settled and leaving me feeling hopeless and unloved. My mind questioning every detail and the unspoken words I should have said or the words spoken and maybe I shouldn't have said. Did I fall for you? Did I love or need too much? Was I too much? Or not enough?
Although Timing is everything.
I think I'll leave it as that and the time spent with you as moments lost in time never moving forward but still in my mind.
The night wakes me and engulfs me into its darkness leaving me haunted by past lovers. Forcing me to face the cold reality that it was never meant to be. While I knew this all to be true in the beginning I couldn't help but want to try and see where everything played out. Knowing I would get hurt and understanding my heart would break. Always the hopeless romantic looking for her happy ending, I assume.

What truly matters in this world is love? How to have it? How to keep it? How to show it? How to give it? Love that binds us all together. We need it to feel a sense of understanding, a sense of belonging. Is there a price we pay for it though? Our hearts? Our minds? Our emotions? Love how you make everything feel so nice and perfect. Yet you can also be so brutal and dark.
What truly matters in this world is love? Even through all the pain and suffering it holds over us. We need it and we want it. There are even moments where one craves it. Yet through all the motions one endorses, it's still worth fighting for, just to feel.

I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. While I left you to clean up the mess. Since I got tired of cleaning up yours after 7 years. I tried to rescue you yet it was too late, you were so lost that there's no coming back from where you went. I needed freedom and my soberity. I tried to tell you time and time again I wanted and needed more outta this life, still you'd shut me down and mock my thoughts. Driving me further and deeper into your world.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. There are times where I feel sad for you cause I see now you want everything I have. Why didn't you want it then with me? I guess it wasn't right. Or you didn't want it with me? Even though I was with you through it all. Your fathers battle with cancer and then his death. I supported you the best I could in all your crazy antics and ideas. I just loved you for you no matter what you did.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. I love and adored you so much. As I look back you weren't the one, I presumed. You were too stubborn and unyielding and always had to be right, there was no partnership. It didn't matter what I wanted, I had to do everything if I wanted us to work. At the end that's when I actually started to see you fight for us yet it was too late I was already gone.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I got everything I ever wanted. Well I suppose you got your freedom. Now you can help and be there for everybody else except the person who was right in front of you, loving you, and wanting to be with you. I know that I'm in a better place I just wish maybe you wanted it with me at the time. Although now I know what love is cause I have a man now who has shown me real love and how I'm suppose to be treated and cared for.
I see you now and I wish you nothing but happiness cause I finally got everything I ever wanted. I hope you find what you're looking for my dear friend and it makes you happy...

I can feel your eyes upon me yet you can't let her notice that your looking my way. You sit there and pretend everything is perfect with her by your side. Poor thing has no idea what you really are? What you tell me in private about how you really feel? I could careless about all your constant drama, I actual think you secretly love it.
I can feel you eyes upon me yet you can't let her notice that your looking my way. If only she knew all the ***** lil things we say to one another. About how you want it and how you need it? I could careless about all your constant drama, I actual think you secretly love it.
I can feel you eyes upon me yet you can't let her notice that your looking my way. If she only knew how you can't keep your hands off of me whenever we meet and even others notice your actions. I could careless about all your constant drama, I actual think you secretly love it.
I can feel you eyes upon me yet you can't let her notice that your looking my way. I'll just smile and pretend everything is copacetic if that's what you'd like. I can think of so many ways of  destroying your perfect existence but honestly. I could careless about your constant drama, I actual think you secretly love it. To tell you the truth I'm not one to kiss and tell. You're not worth it and never will be. She's just as blind as me, I guess.

Hello Blue Moon.
How you look so lovely and bright and I do so notice your shade tonight.
It's said that your suppose to bring about change. Oh, how I could use some now.
As I gaze up and think of all that has pasted and yet I'm reminded of your eyes and I begin to remember the tiny details of your face.
Hello Blue Moon
Do you think somewhere out there someone's thinking of me? The way I'm thinking and waiting on thee. Oh, how I love that idea, but it couldn't be? For I've seen their true colors and I know where I stand.
Hello Blue Moon
How lonely I feel with these thoughts still the sight of you brings me hope. So dark and quiet as the world around me sleeps soundly and I'm so alone within. Why do I find it hard to get over you?
Hello Blue Moon
How you shine so bright and allow me to soak up your light.

As I watched the colors dance across my bedroom floor and slowly begin to change from light to dark while reverting back to dark to light. I couldn't help but reminisce about the days that pasted, they still seemed so vivid and alive as though playing on a projection screen across my walls of the love we once shared. So full of promise that filled with deep intellectual talks about life. As I search my mind for faults of how it all ended, I find myself in a daze. So dumbfounded by these events? Somewhere along the line I feel as if I've misread all signals or was I too much? Or not enough?
As I watched the colors dance across my bedroom floor and slowly begin to change from light to dark. I feel so alone with these crazed thoughts, how they've engulfed me and begun to strangle me. It's now that I'm second guessing every moment of every memory of the love we shared. How foolish and weak you've made me?
As I watched the colors dance across my bedroom floor and slowly begin to change from dark to darker. I start to play back messages and it's then there's one that sticks out clear in my mind that you once said and its that I'd never be yours! With this realization, it begins to click, how silly of me to think otherwise, that I could change one's mind. When they've made it so clear in the first place and they've made up theirs. It's me who has it twisted with all these emotions. Thinking I could have, what's not mine and thinking too much.
As I watched the colors dance across my bedroom floor slowly begin to change from darker to darkness. I've come to the conclusion all those shares moments of talk and lust, which in fact, were moments and never more. I was never going to be yours and you were never going to be mine. No matter what I felt or believed to be right. You were already gone before you could actually fall in love or feel something. Or was it suppose to be me that falls?

Those eyes how they pierce into me and see all that I am. It's almost as though he's toying with me. He knows the way my body works. It's as though he finds pleasure in teasing me.
Those eyes how they pierce into me and see all that I am. He knows he has me and I've become submissive to his touch. So weak to his needs, only wanting to be everything he needs.
Those eyes how they pierce into me and see all that I am. Usually I have such control but he has me under his spell. Once again he has me wrapped around his little finger and he lets me know I am only his and his alone.

As she goes to him to ask, "Do you love me?"
She says, "All I want to know is, do you love me?"
Because I'm asking this boy to love me, because I love you.
I may not be too sure what love is, but I do know, I love you.
Because all I think about is you day in and out.
All I dream about is you.
It may not make sense, but it's true.
That I really love you.

There are moments, I find myself treasuring more than anything else in this world, such as my life. Perhaps it's the loving look he gives, or the way his bright blue eyes search my very soul, or the way he professes his love towards me and about me. His undying demeanor and constant loyalty reassures me that he's faithful. Maybe it's his innocence, I find so vulnerable and apart of me wanting to always keep him safe from the cruel world. Hence, with all these moments and events that take place I still question his love. Obviously, it's me? What's wrong with me? Is it because I've been loved and known love more than once in my life? Although his love is far different from all other lovers, I've had in the past. So different? I slowly start to uncover my demons once again. Yet, he's done his best to subside them and dismissed them with his logic, but when I am alone for far too long I feel them creeping at my soul. Searching for flaws and moments of desperation in which I begin questioning my happy life, my normal life. What is normal? I don't want normal, still there are times I need it all to make sense. So I can feel secure and stable within my walls. Although, there's apart of me that yearns for freedom, and unknowingly searching. Searching for what though? Myself? Love? Life? The unknown? I have it and yet, I need more? I need experience, I need adventure, I need more outta this ordinary life...
Maybe I'm not meant to be tamed or really loved, or to be loved and never owned?
Or could it just be my curiosity, or temptation?
These are the moments I find myself questioning everything.

Our love was and will always be my favorite story cause he loved with a love that was more than love. Far greater and deeper than any man could ever love a woman such as herself. She was wild and unruly and quite stubborn. Although his young spirit and stubbornness matched hers, she couldn't help, but be pleased at the way he just understood her. Even when she wore her masks for the world, he knew the real one, the one she took off for only him to see. He knew what she was and still loved her, even when she doubted herself. Yet there were moments where she came alive and had such a confidence that could handle any and all situations. The way she could talk to anyone who crossed her path with such charm and flair. His way of life encouraged her to be equal as him and respected as so. Their love was unlike any other, they respected one another and it showed. He was and she was the best they ever had. They didn't need the world to see their moments of chaos they were private in that sense. They never talked bad about one another those discussions were behind closed doors. You could only get a glimpse into what true love looked like. What made them? Them? How he loved and tamed her at times? He proved over and over to her that he only loved her. He only looked for her, he only ever thought about her. The way she kept him always wanting and needing more of her. It was a love shared on common ground. Not full of misery and destruction that's never fully able to recover, no their love was better than that. Far greater than that. They had this bond that they shared and both understood their places when together and around others. Almost like this unbreakable force that held them tightly together by their unspoken love.
Yes! This was why it would always be my favorite love story because it was theirs.

We're the generation that doesn't believe in love and love has no value or purpose. It's so easy for us to meet the love we think we require through a virtual world of electronic sites. Claiming you can meet the love of your life right here right now. Love doesn't simply exist in this world. How could it when you have so many ways to find it? Therefore, it's not the kinda love that's pure and rare. The love that your grandparents or parents that are still together after 50 plus years know. How they've struggled through the good and bad moments, fighting for their love til their dying days. Knowing their partner was the right choice and never second guessing.
We're the generation, surrounded by non believers, it's hard to keep love afloat. Still there's apart of me that wants to show them that no matter what, love does exist. True love and maybe even soul mates do, still exist? That being married and having the right partner to grow old with does exist? That real men are still out there and if treated right and cared for will have your back and be everything you ever wanted. You know it's takes a good strong woman to build a beautiful life, but she needs to feel loved and secured by her man. Hence, always reassured that he's still in love with her.
We're the generation that's so easily to dispose of love and people. Sadden by this reality, I will fight for my marriage and not be apart of the norm. Cause our love will surpass all obstacles. I don't want to end up like my disposable generation, so quick to lose what's real. I want to invest and take the time and keep loving the same parnter over and over again and finding new ways to keep our love strong. Marriage does have meaning, it's not suppose to be a joke. It's supposed to be through thick and thin. Besides, you know with this person you are a better person. They helped breathe new life into you and showed you how to be loved. Not to mention maybe even challenged you to be better than you thought you could ever be. Love does have value and to know love like that is rare.
We're the generation missing out on what the world really needs. What people searching their whole lives looking for? Never really knowing what pure unconditional love is. Always expecting disappointment. Perhaps there is a secret to a long and happy marriage that nobody ever tells you, but I'm willing to find out.
We're the next generation they're  gonna be reading about later on and so forth. I want them to know that love did in fact exist in some cases, it did. And they were the lucky ones.