When something clicks,
you feel it.

Even if the colors don't quite match up,
the puzzle piece fits.

It's nice to know,
it really is.

*It wasn't me

The weight,
The strength.

It pushes down, crushing my inside.
I struggle to breath,
every breath 100 pounds are added to my chest.

Pressure builds up,
Dizziness begins,
Anxiety sky rockets.

The room is spinning,
Why is the room spinning?

My legs are shaking, I'm destroying my lip
Why can't I sit still?

Whoa, my head feels funny.
Why did that start?

I'm uncomfortable, I'm shaking.
Does anyone notice? God, I hope not.

The pressure, more intense.
Nausea increases,
My insides twist and turn.

I clench my fists,
Am I angry?
What's going on?

I'm tired...
I feel my heavy eyelids start to pull down.
I close my eyes,

but the room,
it spins faster than before.
My thoughts, my actions, myself...

It repeats
**I am never at peace

I have never felt this much before.
I am enclosed in a blackened bubble,
unable to see the outside world.

I am secluded away in the darkness,
not exactly knowing where to go.
I'm just rolling, hoping I'll end somewhere good.

I must continue to repeat to myself,
do not engage... do not engage
It is much harder than expected.

To engage is to put myself back,
back to who I always believed myself to be,
back to when I changed myself to be someone I wasn't.

To ask, to tell, to hold.
I bite my lip to stop myself,
I must not say anything.

I listen, I observe, I wait.
I engaged,
there is no return.

*I am a failure

Travel,
Enjoy the moments.
*You don't know how long you have left with the people around you

The very last person on your mind before you fall asleep is either the reason for your happiness or your pain

It's a funny thing to think,
Pain and Happiness
In such a close parameter.

It is so hard to tell,
who is which.
It makes me question, everything.

How many days was it actually pain?
How many times was I hurting myself more?
Where is the happiness I was wishing for?

Happy thoughts travel through my mind as the moon rises.
The stars illuminate across the sky,
just as the perceived happiness is in my mind.

Could my happiness be entangled in the pain?
Are the strings of my emotions being weaved,
to the point of not knowing?

The power of knowledge.
Knowledge is power.

The happiness of pain.
Pain is happiness?

I don't really care how much you yell at me.
Don't you know by now that I'm not changing my response?

You belittle my attitude, my beliefs.
You tell me I'm wrong,
You don't give me a chance to defend myself.

Pushing more and more comments in my face,
I can't keep up with the bullets flying by me.

What if next time I let a bullet hit me?
Would you even care?