i use to hate the sound
of snores in the night
my mother and father
made the house sound like
a concert of untuned instruments
through out the night
it would bring back memories
memories i buried long ago
like a beast roaring
through out the night

then you happened

and I found myself
laying in your bed
after a night
of playing beneath the sheets
you fast asleep
me listening
to your snores
that sound so deep

the feeling of comfort
the feeling of safety
the feeling of love

all mixed together
to create

a love so neat

i wish i could
make these thoughts stop
i wish i could
feel something again

my body
it shuts emotions off
at the slightest bit
of vulnerability

my body
it shuts emotions off
at the recurring nightmares
that haunt my brain

the nightmares
the flashbacks
it all hurts

how do i make it stop

October tastes of deception
filled with empty hearts
and empty souls
looking for a place to call home

October tastes like a man
who is all bark
and absolutely no bite
trying to impress but doing less

October tastes like lies
fed from your mouth
tongues burning on my skin
leaving marks within the dark

October tastes like
everything you truly are
and nothing you think
you are from within

my friends and i
we go to scary farms
my friends and i
we go to haunted houses
my friends scream in terror
at the ghosts and ghouls

while i stand there
with no expression
they ask me why
i am not scared

how do i tell them
there is nothing scarier in this world

than losing your own m i n d

i wish vampires were real
so they could ****
every last ounce of your love
from my body and soul

where do i begin?
how do i begin?
you turned a stone cold girl
who was afraid to feel
even an ounce of anything
into
a woman who felt everything
so deeply and strongly
i begged you each night
to leave me because i was petrified
of the things you made me feel
of the way you made me trust you
you never left
not even when i begged you to
you didn't leave til now
i waited for you to let me down
and you never ******* did
you never let me down
do you know how frustrating that is?
do you know how hard this is for me now?

and now i am here
a bit better put together
than you once knew me

thank you
for your kind love
for your pure soul
for your passionate self

i will love you forever

whenever im sad
i look back on that video
of the two of us drunk
dancing, laughing, singing
at the bar
that night we felt as if
we were the only two there

when i get sad
i think of that time
after the bar
where we went up to your room
and you played your acoustic guitar
and sang a new song
you were working on
i was the only fan in the room that night
and my smile was bigger than it could have ever been

when i get sad
i think of those mornings
where you held me close
where i could hear our heartbeats
beat to a rhythm of a song so intertwined

when you get sad
do you even think of me?