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 Nov 2018 Guppy
"why would you want to marry me, anyhow?"
"so i can kiss you anytime i want."

sweet home alabama
 Nov 2018 Guppy
~ june 15, 2018 ~
i feel so lost right now. i don't think i've ever felt this way before. i look in the mirror and i don't recognize myself. i look in the mirror and think, "who is this person staring back at me?"
 Nov 2018 Guppy
i love you so much baby. i will never let go. ever. we will be together forever and we'll be so happy. i promise.
 Nov 2018 Guppy
je t'aime tellement et je veux être avec toi pour tonjours.
Je pourrais continuer encore et encore et vous dire ce que je ressens,
mais ce poème serait trop long à lire du début à la fin.
sachez simplement que je vous aime plus que tout et que j'aimerais qu'il y ait suffisamment de mots dans l'univers pour vous un dire plus.

i just felt like writing in french
 Oct 2018 Guppy
is it me you're talking about
or is it someone else?
 Oct 2018 Guppy
i wished for you
i hope you don't mind
 Oct 2018 Guppy
a mess
 Oct 2018 Guppy
it's another early AM when salt tears splash my face,
they sting, but they are daisies compared to the swords I have endured with you.
it's almost half a year since you took what was not yours to take,
with your mumbled excuses and your dismissive gestures.
i brace myself, the pain looms again, i shout at it to GO AWAY,
the reminder of what you did, but it is a pain that paracetomal will not subside, because the pain is a memory;
the increasing anxiety, the thought of you inside of me when i did not want you to be there.
 Oct 2018 Guppy
 Oct 2018 Guppy
When she held me, I felt like an earthquake,
shrapnel cutting quick to the bone.
I’m disaster, an unknown
kind of danger is the most dangerous

When he held me, I felt like a riptide,
all control ran out the door.
With the *** and cappuccinos
I felt out of place in my new home

When she held me, I felt disgusting,
every move my own betrayal.
Yes, she hurt like a gunshot
but I did this to myself

When he held me, I felt strange,
like I should give my whole self.
He never asked, I’m thankful.
I don’t want to ruin everything else

When she held me, I felt like a secret,
like I was something small and wild.
In a room of screaming children,
we were something invincible

He never held me, but that’s alright.
Someone tell him I understand.
Take it slow, like we’re new friends.
I’m alive for once

No one touch me, I don’t want it.
Stop breathing down my neck.
My throat fills with *****,
But the hands never rest

No one touch me, leave me alone.
Stop pressing on my back.
There are thumbprints on my wrist bones
and handprints on my thighs

Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
So many years have passed.
Is it trauma? I don’t care.
The filthy feeling always lasts

Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
Nobody ever has to know.
When you’re sitting by your lonesome
Nobody cares, you’re on your own

Nobody cares, you’re on your own
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