we are cheetahs on prowl who let their guard down

I clench the satin tablecloth in my hand.
A slow drone of smooth jazz echoes in the distance.
The fluttering wisps of cigarette smoke waft to the ceiling as my husband steps into the parlour in his tar black overcoat.
"What took you so long?" I ask concernedly.
He just nodded, gave me a lazy grin
and ordered us two gins.

Life is too short for this.
I have never found a good enough reason,
A deep enough betrayal,
A hideous enough flaw
To condemn someone I love.
Life
Is too
Short,
And I can try all I want to stay angry
But all I can think is if someday I read their obituary in the newspaper,
Will the days,
Months,
Years I lost to silence
To grudges
To misunderstanding
To judgement
Be worth the feeling of that moment?
Will whatever made me hate them have any meaning in the face of oblivion?
And the answer is always no.
And the answer is always forgiveness.
And I wish they gave me the same gift.

I don't feel free
I don't feel like me
How could it be

I want to die
I want to fly
I'm that guy

A funeral of no tears
Not even from my peers
Just snide remarks and leers

There were too few
To fill one pew
And I didn't see you

I'm not worth it
Just someone upon you spit
It feels like my hearts been bit

So whether heaven or hell
I'll wish you well
Afterall, my death was under your spell

Well, as fun as all this was, at least I'm fast on recovery now.
Like riding a bike.
The body just remembers, I guess,
The horrible, traitorous thing.
The ears remember to ring
The stomach knows just how to clench
The head can spin all day long
And those hands
Do some truly impressive shaking
All so that the eyes can shed a couple of tears
As a result of all the trauma and sickness
And the heart doesn't have to open
Just
The ribcage.
It all remembers,
Being tortured by you
Is like
Like riding a bike.
The body knows how to suffer.
But at least it remembers how to peel itself off the floor as well.
I've got to say
The recovery's impressive
The timing
Way less than years prior.
The body has learned
Even if the mind hasn't
I have to say, props to muscle memory.

Sin, no friend to either man or woman.
God allowed it to see if we could handle it.
Which we are aware to this day.
We couldn't.

Hate, a destructive force destroying us.
God allowed it to see, what motivate us.
Which we are aware it does affect thousand.

Love, planted in the world.
Within every man, boy, girl and woman.
God allowed it to see, if we understanding the word caring.

God allowed everything to happen for various reasons.
He control the atmosphere of all the seasons.
What once was in affect?
Seem to change according to the weather.

Where it once was extremely cold?
It seem to warm up in that area.
What once was extremely hot?
Seems to be the opposite in certain area.

God allowed Adam to notice Eve.
To the point they needed to cover up with a fig leaf.
God allowed the floods to come.
For us to understand the might of his plans.

God allowed women to exist.
He knew men needed someone with common sense to handle them.

God allowed the sun to be assigned.
God allowed the moon to be assigned.
One movement either way.
Could set off a drastic change?

God has allowed many things.
All he request is for us not to get in his way.

Is the place where I have grown
The place I call my home
Others fear the friend zone

My every steady glare
At morons I must bear
For her its that I care

I'll stay here
To keep away her fear
And to wipe away a tear

I'm her best friend
Till the end
Too worthy to be a boyfriend

On my knees in prayer
I feel full of despair
Does God even care
Watching my life tear

But before you spite the Lord
Listen to my word
I'll be Very forward

People pray
Everyday
Some are straight
Others are gay

Some pray for riches
Others pray for *******

A truly special prayer
Is made in the middle of nowhere
By a brave yet scared soldier
Who's family is his care

God Will protect.
A soldier has respect
His prayers to never neglect

God knows our stories.
He knows our worries.
But even God has priorities

Don't you dare look at me with those eyes
You don't own my body anymore
Not these freckles that litter my skin
Or the bruises that ink my calves
Your big blue eyes were never there to fall in love with me
But rather to teach me a lesson
The lesson being that before I fall in love with anyone else
I must first fall in love with myself.