There will be a digital trace

Of this in the morning,
And I will know
That I was alive

what they don't know is that I said "absolutely not" to his offer of marriage as I laughed through shiny teeth and then we made sweet sweet love upon his former companions divan and we desecrated  the room we burnt that **** Down he lit 300 candles on fire to profess his burning passion to me and he proved it to me with his eyes and drooling lips I can't believe I believed the lie I was blinded by the orange glow that I so loved it made my intestines quiver as I gargled salt water I felt like  Mumbai as the colors surrounded me but the stench overwhelms me I could not breathe and for a moment I felt safe in my own skin as I lay there listening to the uneven sound of his breathing and the way his heart beat matched mine, I'm not joking, EXACTLY the soft glow of the tube flashed against the poorly painting cream walls that we left marks on it was a battle field or a storm and now we lay in the eye of that which our love is swirling about ready to destroy one another over and over and over again I can't take it my body was not made for such violence my heart begs for love and gives love only but yet it does not receive and it is not because it is incapable but it is because those who surround me are so unwilling to open theirs for fear of letting a dark being inside to shatter the windows of their home they have spent their entire lives building and because of this they do not expand they do not grow they are scared they fear and they tell themselves over and over again "I cannot do it" we all reach this point but at this moment of saying you cannot is when you must

Drunk drunk drunk
Drunk I am
All because of a punk
He said he'd stay
And wouldn't break his word
But here I've been
All on my own
Remembering the days we shared
Questioning why he left me all alone
So I've turn my world
All around once again
Sobriety went down the drain
Once he walked away
Nighrt awake
Paranoia knocking on the door
Drunken days
Proving my life is just a waste
Cause when he walked away
I lost myself
All over again
And what shame
It is to say
My sobriety has gone to waste

You are not the scars on your wrist.
You are not the mistakes of your past.
You are not the fear in your mind,
The hurt in your heart,
The regrets of your actions.

You are irreplaceable, irrepeatable,
Treasured,
Priceless,
And a gift to this world and to me.

Your smile brings light,
Your laughter brings hope,
And your life
Is worthwhile.

I knew
your body will tremble
little
may be more than little
but I was sure
you will never crumble  

Thats why
I tried to hold you tight
more than tight
I knew
I made crossing me hard for you
which in your imagination
was light  

But believe me
I was not trying to  make you suffer
For me
it was not a pleasure

I was trying hard
to measure
each part of your body
your height, your width
Strength of your mind
and softness of your heart
Depth of your eyes
and sharpness of your nails
even
curvature of your curls  

Because,
if someday
you will walk back
into the past
searching for yourself
  
On that day
I want you to see me  
standing on that road
carrying reflection of your true,
weak yet strong self
on my soul