je pense bien à toi
(i think well of you)

Have not chatted in awhile,
me rutted in NYC,
a city of constant tear down
and sometimes flashy urban human
renewal...

While you,
you getting on with life,
growing up, growing down,
buying clothes for a new school season,
or growing children,
or boxing up now grandchildren memories of memories...
falling in love, writing poetry all about it...

You,
in Nepal, Malaysia, India,
Seattle, Portland, and the Florida's panhandle,
the US Midwest sainted hinterlands,
the South, that makes one love water,
water that has travelled from the faraway,
island continent of professorial Australia,
Did I forget the Philippines?

worse sin committed,
is that in
your poetry
I have not toe dipped,
quite the long erstwhile,
after loving it with
obsession devotion...

so just a Saturday afternoon
note penned just to you
and you alone...

je pense bien à toi
(i think well of you)

So by way of apology,
craft a poem for you exclusive,
more than each word, letter,
every syllable, tongue tasted
for conjuctivity,
breadth and thus discovered
notes of red soil, raspberry, lemon,
even a hint of sweet masquerading as a
salty kindness in our veins,
our unique vintage of connectivity

Your hand to my lips raised,
grasped twice, by mine both,
slow lifting with stature, affection and respect,
kiss it and whisper just enough for
we two to hear...

je pense bien à toi
(i think well of you)

even this seems weakly insufficient,
but care taken nowadays,
a new economy of words,
write less, think more, and
give up the truly deserved words only
as a mark of my fondness and respect

these come on no schedule,
often months in the making,
so forgive-me-not my unsweetened silences,
accept them with easy knowing that

je pense bien à toi
(i think well of you)

the summer man wintered in discontent,
his journey now disrupted by forces exogenous,
stealing his vision, jailing him in between
walls of indecision, knocking down
his own twin towers,
but carelessly not making provision
to tell you well and often enough

je pense bien à toi
(i think well of you)*

Sept. 13, 2014

I am a liar
I'm not "OK"
its a painful mask i bare
behind my smile is a broken heart
behind my laugh I'm falling apart
look closely at me and you shall see
the girl i am, isn't me.
Everyday i smile
and act like nothings wrong,
its called putting everything aside,
and simply being strong.
and now i wear this smile i don't believe in,
inside i feel like screaming.
we carry these things inside of us,
that no one else can see,
they hold us down like anchors,
they drown us out at sea.
I did my best to try and be
the mirror of society,
but we both the mirrors cracked,
and everybody's in the act.
so with torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
and force a bubbly laugh,
hoping that no one can see the truth behind our masks
but there's a monsters in the mirror,
and when I lean close,
she comes nearer,
she looks into my eyes and sees my fear,
"hush" she whispers,
"your the only one who knows I'm here."