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Vellichor Jun 2019
You say these pills will help me
But you don’t know just how
You say these pills will save me
But I don’t trust you now
How could you call it saving
When I still feel I’m dying
I know you want to help
But I can tell you’re lying
And I lie here bleeding out
Bleeding drops of hope
You plead just one more pill
One more pill and I can cope

I held on for one more pill
Then more and more and more
Now I don’t see how pills
Could change what’s in my core
Each pill comes with its own
Plethora of pains
You don’t know the torment
Of erosion in your brain
I just want you to know
It’s so hard to be strong
You swore these pills would work by now
It kills me that you’re wrong
Vellichor Jun 2019
I know you feel you’re drowning
You’re lost in your own head
You’re a prisoner to your consciousness
Every breath is filled with dread
I know you feel it’s over
You’re fighting like you’ve lost
I know you waged the war
Without knowing the cost

You tell me all these words
To describe the mess inside
The monsters that devour you
The ways you try to hide
I don’t know how this ends
I won’t lie to earn your trust
But I do know this one truth
Even monsters turn to dust
Vellichor Jun 2019
Red cuts become white scars
Will my heart turn white too
Will its dark red color
Fade to a bright white hue
‘Cause I have to wonder
When I see my skin heal
Why won’t my heart’s wounds close
When the pain’s just as real

But then I come to know
Why my heart’s still so red
Because it never stopped
Its blood’s still being shed
It flows out in rivers
Out into my veins
I’m bleeding out slowly
But I live with the pain
Vellichor Jun 2019
I dare you to ask
I dare you to see
But you’re just too scared
You’re afraid of me
You look away as
My scars shine bright white
You avert your eyes
As tears catch the light
But maybe it’s worse
When you stop to stare
When my sleeves ride up
And my skin is bare
I feel your judgement
But I can't decide
Should I scream “I'm fine”
And go run and hide
Or should I stand tall
And meet your harsh gaze
With eyes so jaded
From years of dead days
And dare you to ask
And dare you to see
Are you still too scared
Of what it might be
That haunts these white scars
That tears me apart
That leaves burning cuts
On my arms and my heart
Because I can tell
From the way you stare
You won't dare to ask
I don't think you care
You’d rather just judge
And ignore my pain
Pretend not to see
All its bright white stains
Because that's easy
And easy is right
‘Cause what you can't see
Can't cause any fright
But easy has never
Saved someone’s life
It doesn't make change
It won't end the strife
So meet my gaze now
I dare you to see
To look past these scars
And truly see me
Vellichor Jun 2019
We used to be young
We’d leave our lives messes
We’d cry when we fell
And we’d wear pretty dresses

But youth is fleeting
And age steals sanity
We wake to what’s real,
And lose faith in humanity

And now when we fall
We laugh like we’re mad
Because we know now
What we never had

We never had knowledge
No, we never knew
That scraped knees are easy
It’s scraped hearts that hurt true

So isn’t it funny
How life plays with our brains
That scraping our knees
Can help numb this life’s pains

Have we gone crazy
Maybe we’ve lost our minds
That we’re laughing when
There’s no joy we can find

But the harsh point is
That's the way this life goes
It hurts like hell
And it’s not what we chose

I wish I’d never
Grown up like this
Missing things I
Never thought I’d miss

Like the way tears were
So easy to cry
Back before I knew
People could want to die

We’re all broken now
We all know too much
Our dreams, once fire,
Are now cold to the touch

But we used to be young
We used to have hope
We never thought we’d hurt
Funny now we can’t cope

Life’s taken its toll
It pulls us all to the grave
I had a hard choice and
I chose to be brave

I sacrificed youth
In order to live
And it wasn’t something
Life chose to forgive

And now it’s long gone
But I miss it all
And oh how I long
To cry when I fall
Vellichor Jun 2019
Sometimes I have to wonder
Who would I have been
Had lonely days of torture
Not left white marks on my skin

Was I always doomed to be
A broken girl with a broken heart
Or did somewhere along the way
I make a choice to fall apart

Would I have been happy
And would I have been whole
Would I have not lost
All the things this struggle stole

Would I have known sorrow
Would I have known pain
Would my heart have worn
This repulsive ****** stain

I would’ve held together
I wouldn’t have fallen apart
And maybe there’d be a delicate
Sort of beauty to my heart

But the person I would have been
Would’ve been far too weak
Not able to live through the struggle
Unable to find words to speak

Kept quiet by her life’s perfection
Silenced by her world’s clear skies
Pacified with fluffy clouds
Never to hear her own heart’s cries

Now I’ll be hurt, and I’ll be broken
But I’ll wear my scars like jewels
And today I know what they
Can’t seem to teach in schools

I know just how to come alive
I know how to live through this rain
And isn’t it dangerous that
I know how to live with pain

I won’t be silenced anymore
Because my fluffy clouds turned black
I lost the battle to win the war
And I’m done looking back

I’m not who I could have been
And when I start to wonder,
I remind myself, only under dark clouds
Are there roars of thunder
Vellichor Jun 2019
I found silence
Alone in the night
I found it crying
And losing its light
Licking its wounds from
Eternity’s fight

It was lingering
In the moon’s shadows
It was cowering
In the city’s toes
I found silence
Where no one else goes

Wandering through streets
With nowhere to be
Creeping through fields
When no one can see
Scaling the mountains
To try to be free

I found silence
In echoes of pain
Woven in black
In the smell of rain
And on the heart where
It is known to stain

I found silence
Hung from a noose
When there are no words
In worlds of abuse
In broken hearts
In a broken truce

I found silence
In cracks in the floor
Trailing behind wind
In remnants of war
Buried in rubble
In the loudest roar

It burst my eardrums
As I sought it out
It is far from dead
Despite all the doubt
And to stay alive
It screams a loud shout

I found silence
Alone in the night
Wishing for hope
Fighting for light
Or possibly silence
Found me last night

— The End —