The footprints of past love haunt my present

I don’t have many fears but I fear never getting over her.

Is she the one for me?

Will I ever find another?

I pester myself until my brain burns out like a speeding race car that doesn’t stop at its repair station.

And speaking of race cars..

The thought of my past love gets my heart beating faster than any out there at top speed.

The thought of her makes me crash and burn and it’s ironic because i love her ..but i don’t need her..at least that’s what my brain makes me believe.

My heart on the other hand, yanks at every single cell in my body because that’s what I promised and that’s what I loved her with…EVERY SINGLE CELL IN MY BODY.

Those fortunate strokes of serendipity from when we first met turned into unfortunate jabs of discomfort to my heart when she left.

Who’s to blame? ..is it her? NO! NO!

IT’S ME IT’S ME I KNOW IT’S ME.

I got too comfortable.

I tried to fight the inevitable and invariably i lost the battle.

The only thing worst than losing the battle was losing myself along with her.

I gave her nothing but my all, I gave her me.

I promise you if you look deep within her past all the facades and walls she’s created, you’ll find little old me ..hammered and burnt to ashes in the wasteland of her memories and graveyard of hearts.

MY SUICIDAL SCARS ON MY ARMS ARE NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO THE SUICIDAL SCARS AND BRUISES ON MY HEART.

WHY DO I READ YOUR STUPID TUMBLR MESSAGES AND EMAIL MESSAGES OVER AND OVER?

ALL IT DOES IS REMIND ME OF THE DREAMS THAT I SHORT-SIGHTEDLY FELL VICTIM TO.

"No matter how many times I say I hate you or tell myself that, it’ll never be true. I’ll never leave and that should be clear, even if I say it 100times, unless I really do know you want me gone or you’ll truly be happy..”

Well I guess you said it 101 times because I begged you to stay and it’s obvious that right now, I am far from happy.

I would think by now I’d be smarter but I’m not..

I’d still fall victim to slumber if it means I get to dwell in those saccharine dreams of yours …even if it won’t ever come true.

It’s ironic that I’m complaining about you because in reality I’m the most detrimental thing to my emotional state.

Slowly dip me in the hottest and largest *** of acid you can find.

Remove all 206 bones in  my body one by one.

Skin me and gut me like a fish.

Use me as **** to collect another fish because obviously Deontra’ fish just wasn’t enough.

Obviously i don’t contain the nutrients you needed for nourishment.

I mean ..the nutrients she needs for nourishment.

I can barely keep the correct tenses because when you left, you left me tense.

No closure ….nothing but an open wound i had to stitch up and i hate biology so i highly doubt i stitched it correctly.

Open.

- d.b.d.

With Ears to See & Eyes to Hear

"Lie! Lie! Liar! Liar you’ll pay for your sins."
How’d I allow it to happen?
How’d I allow myself to succumb?
Maybe they were chocolate covered
but I’m not really a chocolate lover;
but your voice could make me surmise anything;
like how they deceived my ears and heart
into believing what we had was real
and that what we had would last
and how they blinded me,
utilizing my cursed optimism .
I learned you can do the impossible;
you broke down all walls insulating my heart
promising sweets words dipped in honey;
little did I know,
honey does spoil.
"So tell me how does it feel;
how does it feel to be like you?
I think your mouth should be quiet
because it never tells the truth now.”

- d.b.d.

If you are truly mine,
why do I once again feel so crest-fallen
why do you make me feel so low?

If you are truly mine,
why do i slowly feel you
slipping through the crevices
of the walls framing heart?

If you are truly mine,
why do I feel like your hideout?
Are my walls nugatory?
nothing but a shelter
with an enter and exit crevice?
are you that conceited
that you have to show off
about knowing me inside and out?

If you are truly mine,
why does this not feel like a straight line
with only 2 points?
why does it carry the idisyncrasies of a polygon?
YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO ******* BE MINE.
no one else’s…

- d.b.d.

Nirvana - a transcendent state in which there is neither
suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject
is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of
death and rebirth. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.

My Buddhist Queen,
Will you take me to Nirvana?
Will you take me to that place?
That place where we’re unshackled from suffering?
Because right now, this is intolerable.

My Buddhist Queen,
If we’re in Nirvana
why does my heart feel so aloof
and its beats, spectral?
Why does my body suffer from rigamortis?
Why am i teary-eyed
and why did you nominate my pillows to do the ALS challenge?
Why is my room a catastrophy?
Why do my walls succumb to the savagery of my fists?
Why am I suffering?
Why do I desire?
Why is karma still existant?


My Buddhist Queen,
If we’re in Nirvana,
why do you occassionally take strolls down to hell holding my hand?
- d.b.d.

50 shades of ****** up,
let me explore you.

Allow my demons the delectation,
of amalgamating with yours.
Let’s connect our hearts as one,
as our spirits intertwine
and our demons sway.
sway to the a tuneless feeling of euphoria.
sway to sounds of two hearts,
beating as one.
yours and mine.

tbc...

- d.b.d.

Let not today, be the day you are hoaxed by metal amalgam coated glass.
Let not today, be the day your inner sleeping beauty,
Oblivious to her own existence, continues her slumber.
Allow my lips to kiss your soul and render your demons dead.

Let today, be the day you dispose of all those shattered glass pieces of stained fallacious images.
Let today, be the day you permit me to be your mirror,
Scrutinizing every centimeter of your body,
Showing you all the things your eyes and mirror feared to.
Let today, be the day we conquer those fears.


Let today, be everyday.
- d.b.d.

let’s engender a love like an elastic.

baby, let’s create a love where …
when we’re plagued and bombarded with complications
we still spontaneously recommence our conventional shape;
like an elastic.

darling, let’s make a love where…
when we fight and you say i hate you
i can gaze in admiration into your eyes
grasp your hands
pull you closer
kiss you and tell you i love you
and we’d be okay because you’d know i mean it.

my love, let’s create a love like an elastic
whereas, we’re oblivious to our boundaries
and we’re too paranoid to find out
because if we do, we just might pop.

your heart’s been broken,
mine has too;
but i promise you an elastic love is all we need
to get through.
I want to feel what you feel.
I want the tough polymeric substances connecting our hearts
to communicate with me;
vibrating whenever something is amiss.
i want to feel the pain he made you feel
i want to dwell in your suffering and swallow it
just to digest it and make sure it never comes back up.
After that, i want to be yours …forever.
- d.b.d.