I woke up to a thought
I found that I never loved you
I loved the way you loved me
I wish
I wish I could love you the same way you looked at me
How you saw me
As question and answer
I wish that affection and sweet words could be enough
That I didn't crave more
You may never understand why I walked away
But what I know is
I woke up to a thought
Tangled in bed sheets
Restless
Feeling that you and I weren't meant to be in love
That after a time your affections started to feel like bars to a cage
That made me forget who I wanted to be
That loving you meant sacrificing parts of myself I had just found
I warned you that I was unpredictable
That my wants and needs change by the day
By the hour
And for a minute you were the exception
And the next you weren't
And for that I am sorry
I was your answer
**But you were always a question

We ****.

I brushed her hair just
the other day
and left stinging
handprints on her
eager flesh like she
loves.

Loved her in an
undertow of
blankets and throes,
fullness and
folds

until the drums
pounded in my
ears and
the adrenaline
burned.

On altars,
in tombs,
the sabbats,
esbats and
moons.

We slap
each other
     for fun;
     she listens
when I tell
her to
.

I'm sure you and
your mate do just
fine,
but

we **** better
than all of you
combined.

Six feet apart, feet wide apart
relentlessly checking the doorways.
I wished I was six feet under,
wished some seismic sea wave would arrive
and pull me asunder.
I locked myself in the third-floor bathroom
because I didn't want to wander the halls.
There are people stuck in these walls
and I hear them, I hear them, I hear them
       I hear them when I walk alone
  and they're all screaming
         for me to leave this place.
There are people stuck in my head
and I keep them there until I'm ready
to think about them,
       ready to write them down.
This is a warning.
    Do you see the red flashing lights?
      Are you looking at the black and gold stripes?
I was warned in a different way
and now I'm warning you not to stay
    here.
Some people are so naturally ordinary,
and others don't quite fit in place.
Parts of them do not align, so to speak,
They are never looking directly into your eyes
and you only smile a half-smile,
                       because you feel bad,
                          but not that bad.
Why are you still here?
Don't you have somewhere to be?
It's not worth it to meet
  just to see me curl myself in a ball again,
    make a home for myself inside my head
   putting up a picket fence there
          so the dogs don't come for me.
I admit that it's a juvenile fear.
But I promised myself I'd run away
when my fingernails started to rattle,
and I've kept my word.

Cold, wet footprints of drowned ghosts
     leading you towards nowhere, a heat-blurred unreachable zenith.
Unlit candles, china white on a china plate,
     shots of *****, shots of bleach.
Ambling along dusty corridors,
     hallways with loose floorboards and memories you're not sure you ever had.
Desert haze, his brooding gaze,
     conversational Russian 101 and irretrievable moments
alone in bed together while Sean Connery distracts you from the press of his fingers.

chasing time, we run barefooted,
showing off, we ran to each other,
blackened shadows, we saw and feel,
mannered kiss, we didn’t even bother.
we dwelled in the most magnificent touch,
we swelled in each significant caresses,
we cannot, we should not, we would not,
but really, we could not afford losing us.
no really, i cannot let go off this lust.

it's 10:37 pm
and i find my self
apologizing
for something I hated
you for an hour ago.
I'm apologizing
for you. yet you
think you did no harm.

it was 8:09 pm
and I was fuming, angry
and would never forgive you.
I was on edge of hating
you and never forgiving you
ever. I was yelling and crying
and you had no clue.

it was 6:12 pm
when you called us off. saying
we were never a thing and
would never be in the future.
it hurt in waves, drowning in pain
after each rush. I fell for someone
as self centered as you.
I hated you.

it was 11:11 am
and I was no longer
wishing for you because I finally
got you. you whispered things
I only dreamed of hearing. I
thought I was falling for you.

Down in the Hills of the
Mississippi River Valley
Between the Bluffs and
The river bank in Lansing
Is a Friend named Joe Price,

Born to Play the Blue's
Raised on Farming as a Boy,
Yet was a need he could not lose
He listened to Muddy Waters
And ran out to buy a Guitar

An old 1947 12 String National
Resonator with the Steel Core
He rapped his fingers around
Till his blues skills got honed

He was Destined to play with
Legends like John Lee ******
Willie Dixon and Clifton Chenier
Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee
Along with Muddy Waters and Me

I know I'm no legend but I can't Refuse
When Joe ask me to Sit in on a Knee Slappin'
Hand Clappin version of the Hobo Blues
His work boot stomped a beat
On an old flat piece of wood
As that steel Slide made that Guitar Cry

A Legend behind the Scenes he's
Played from the North down to
The Louisiana Back Bayous
And everything in Between

You'll Never Know that feeling
As the Hair stands on your Neck
This hardly known old Hobo
Was a Legend what the Heck

Till you get a chance to listen
To his Train whistle slide Moan
That 12 string Steel Guitar Tone
That sounds so very Nice
From an Unknown Legend
Name of Joe Price

*His Music can be found on http://www.joepriceblue.com/

Falling free into some picture and
if I can be, I will be
dropped as a spot on the canvas and then
I've got a chance to be seen.

Palettes and paints tinting
sinners and ain't I a saint to
fall forward and take up a pose.

In the back row, I know there's a girl
but I'm slow and so go up the aisle
all alone.

On the frame, in the corner,
a name,
representing an artist
who died long ago, but
his pictures still sell in
the gallery,
and they're shown in a
half light to show respect
to the man's life.

Still falling and unsure now as to whether
the painting and I are one and the same,
the name in the corner, the frame,
I spot it, I drop it, the thought hits the paintbrush,
rushing me in on the venue,
I knew that it would.

She waits in the back row and I am afraid
that she might go but
I walk up the aisle
on my own.