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 Mar 2016 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
I am my own worst enemy
I could be my own best friend
but this
extrinsic obnoxious extrovert
just won't see the truth
and yet
he takes up for me
the unworthy harrier

We both think the other foolish
but I the wiser!
undying optimism
fades as reality sinks in
so I settle
for the sake of safety
in pessimism

No one sees the real me
the few who have
explained
just how abrasively
I oxidize their good humor
and so
the kid lives on
smiling
and I behind
wondering if my hidden prison
has made me...
 Feb 2016 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
What is this pain-
where is it coming from-
what does it want from me

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I'm incomplete

Why
are
you
killing me
killing

you
don't
know
I'm alive
but I'm-

Crying
I'm sighing in disbelief
Trying
to **** this broken stupid thief
he's laughing
with no remorse
taking our life
stealing all our
joy
all our peace
all our
keep on going

I just know-
I don't know anymore-
I don't care, what's the reason
for it all

What am I
What am I doing here
Where is this pain
coming from I see it's you

All
your
dreams
are just
lies until you
see
that
we're
all just sleeping all your

Dreams will
never be coming true
Not un-
less you believe in that you
can't see
and step out in faith believing
blindly
overcome and
stop believing
all the lies
what relief
take control
and give it back
to the one who
made it and
surrender to his will

Why am I crying-
why am I cold and empty-
why am I
trying when I know I'm falling
down-
I'm ready to
hit the ground
and just pound
my fists against the wall
don't you know that I am

Dying
I'm tearing myself to pieces
one shred at a time
one for you and one for
me I'm
clinging to cold remorse
but I won't give up another minute

I love you...

too...

[Break here]

fever
in my mind
in my body
in my
soul-
why are my

hands shak-ing
I have lost control
I never had it
What's the toll
for getting past the border
into peace and
knowing that you all are happy
knowing that you gave your best and tried

Oh! I tried...

Why am I cold
yet I'm burning up inside
who is speaking of me
who is thinking of me
does it really matter

[heavy break]

my pores
can't take any more abuse
my sores
are they real or am I dreaming
is it real
or am i living surreality
alive
in the shadows
I am melting
down
dripping down the walls its all

beyond my control
I am letting go
one
digit at a time
oh these paws are shedding
I don't- no!
that is the phrase
that is the curse that's
afflicting all my own inside
the prison of our sheltered minds
and putting all our limbs in binds
and burying our faith in endless

[silence]

what is this pain
where is it coming from
what does it want from me

you stupid selfish parasite
let go
how do you like being torn in two
unrealistic unreality

[sudden silence and continue]

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I am incomplete
am I too bold
am I crossing a line right here in
taking
just a minute just to let it out
and stop

no I won't stop
not if I can help it
you are so worth it
I won't lie
I'm am kind of lost
and I don't know
where I am
and I just trail off in
This is a work in progress and is nowhere near finished
 Feb 2016 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
lie in bed and contemplate the day
simmer in dismay
silence, stay
be dark,  fester in every way

I used to think
I was bold
my parents would scold
as I'd unfold another
lie within

we're all super heroes
of our own making
daily breaking
vows of patience
suffering selfish synonyms
for self investment

is it in our nature
to really love
to nurture
caring without a care
but for the good of those who incite our empathies

I want to believe that down deep
beneath the heap
of ******* steep
and plaster molded faces that creep
in front of our souls

there might be a light
an ever so slight
break in the blight
the rugged muck
that is my Plight
the one thing keeping me from flight
just solitary candle flame
burning bright
behind this facade

I know it was there
but I've grown cold
my sadness
madness anger rolled
so tight it might burst into flames
but that's the problem

I hope it isn't snuffed
that light
the gentle one
that hopes
dreams of possibility
denies the probability of  failure
and calamity

the flesh screams out in pain just wishing someone- I can't even say it

The truth is
I don't want to be a monster
 Feb 2016 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
Another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

I saw you in your time of need
your sores and pus I'd often bleed
with this we'd formed a sacred creed
I'd be a friend in word and deed

time and  time again you'd  stumble
and the more my tongue would fumble
your flesh grew big I grew humble
both our minds became a jumble

Another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

your every life like night and day
from Hot and cold you'd often sway
whilst my nine empty  dressed in grey
grew stagnant in lukewarm decay

with every passing solid moon
for your howling ache you'd swoon
my fear would take my every boon
in angst I would await high noon

another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

as I watched our friendships dying
I only wished that I was crying
eyes were dry,  was my heart lying?
thought of pain,  felt only sighing

do I pervert and weakness skelp
or in my lonely sorrow yelp?
was it in heart I tried to help
or do I prey on weakened whelps

another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken
I think I'll be back to work this one further
 Nov 2015 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
Friend
through the looking glass
I see
a part of you
a part of me

Eyes that hurt
and eyes that heal
a brother in spirit
in truth
reveal

Imaginary
friends at first
for just a moment
not rehearsed
a reality

brotherhood
patience
and hope
Trying to organize a response to a hard to answer question.
Granted, I'm probably insane.
 Nov 2015 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
I just saw
two faces
pain and apathy
the sea and the wall
crumble

The blockade is down
and there was much blood
It was both beautiful
and sad

The depths received the truth
gushing out from the remains
the ruins
of a once well-laid
and seemingly beautiful
barrier
that protected the broken
builder behind it

When I left
the sun was bisected
half of it obscured
by the horizon

whether it was coming
or going
I do not know

The builder was sitting
on the cold shore
shivering from the wind
that had blown over the cold waters

I like to Imagine
for there is not just one
possibility

Will the two rest
like a faded painting
rusting into antiquity

or will the ocean thaw
renewed by the warm breeze
now freed by the absence of the wall

and the builder
pick up the pieces
and build something worthwhile

I have imagined myself in that picture
part of me wanting the pain
and the possibility

but,

I am only a spectator
and I know my place
I ready myself
and turn to watch
the next eclipse or solstice
sunset or sunrise

I put on my mask
and carry my wall
 Nov 2015 Tomo
Zead
A time to break is a time to cry
A place to cry is a place to express
To whom you express is to whom you have a friend
The friend of mine is the home of mine
Where my home is found is where my way of escape is found
My escape is my new life
A new life is a new love
A new love is my God
My God gave me love in the time of need
My God has placed my new life in me
My God was to whom I escaped
My God is the home I seeked
My God is where my Friend is found
My God is the epitome of my expression
My God gave a new tear to share
My God broke me: Because He made me new
Goodbye TX
 Nov 2015 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
drop
 Nov 2015 Tomo
Thomas Maltuin
A water drop fallen down
to vast dark pools to drown

A dead brown leaf staying put
crumpled smashed underfoot

No wind to carry you away
stagnant broken here you'll stay

Blending in your world surrounds
passing by in leaps and bounds

Quivering shaking trembling not
overlooking your trivial lot

Blues so vibrant reds so pure
crying bleeding heart so sore

soul refusing brittle tempering
broken omitted needs remembering

tiny teardrop fallen down
vast dark oceans made to drown
 Aug 2015 Tomo
blackpowderfox
Someone help!
     I sold my soul for a song that I cannot hear, a meal that I cannot eat, an end that I cannot see. My heart is aching! I regret my choice, I sought to make my past undone. Alas, I've left the realm of life; I lie in the dust of death. I cannot reach beyond my corpse, my soul is gone...devoured. I lie here dead, unable yet to call for help. Who is willing to take my place? To give their soul to purchase mine? Is there none with love enough to save a fool like me? Look! Beside me now stands the dead! But a moment ago a corpse, that one stands alive with soul anew! And now he kneels with hand outstretched, his lips alight with words that bounce and fly away. I cannot hear him, my ears are blocked by this dust, this death. One word, unlike the others, is sharp and pointed. It does not seek my ears for entrance, this is far and above the most blessed of treasures. It pierces through my chest, straight into my heart it plunges! The pain!
     This Word does not excuse me, nor does it accuse me; it cleaves me clean in two, beyond my heart and deeper than my vacant soul. Love. This is not a love that I can understand! What kind of love has the power to create life where death and hate have reigned unchecked? Who is this love? What name can I call it by? How can I respond? Through my despair and past my deafness I hear His name, higher than any other. Jesus! With muted lips and vacant soul, my broken heart cries out! Please save me from my past; it screams against me, condemns me, lays out my guilt spread bare. Can this name silence something this loud and honest? It already has. All of my accusers are gone, the silence of this moment is beyond all I have ever known.
"Come forth."
What is this! The very dust of death, the gates of Hell, have split wide! No longer do I lie still and empty, deaf and blind; I see and hear, I dance and fly! My soul pours forth with a love I can neither understand nor contain, I am whole. The Maker of Earth, the Author of Truth, the One who spoke existence into being has paid the price, bought back my soul. My ears are filled with truth, my mouth with songs unending. My eyes now see what lay before them, always it was here. No longer do I hunger, no longer can I thirst, a soul that is not my own flows from a well of life that cannot end. In every way, I live. I do not fear my end; it no longer holds me, it cannot touch me. The flood of Life through Christ has washed it past the borders of being. I live without end, without fear. The well of life pours out from the Spirit living inside me. I cannot die. Come, won't you stand with me? Won't you be pierced by the Love of God? Let Jesus open the gates of Hell for you and carry you out of death. Come and know the peace of eternal life found in the joy of Christ.
I know it doesn't rhyme, I'm sorry.
I'm a follower of Christ and have found life in Him.
I wish for others to know what I have found.
If this offends you, know that I speak from personal conviction and do not condemn you in any way for not holding to my beliefs.
 Jun 2015 Tomo
blackpowderfox
He lived the life, He died the death
     That we might live with Him;
His blood was shed, but He's not dead
     Third day He 'rose again.
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