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The shadows change their length,
the sky changes color,
while my days continue to blend
and I can't tell one from another.

Days pass and nights end,
while I seem stuck between the two,
there is a pattern to my waking hours
and the few minutes of borrowed sleep.

I keep making the same mistakes,
sometimes feel like waking up is one too,
or may be it is in thinking things will be different,
when the sounds are muted, and the feelings few.

Being in limbo makes you feeling light,
like a fluff of down carried in the breeze,
but I don't feel light, I feel heavy,
like an anchor rooted to the bottom of the sea.

I have questions, oh so many,
but it is not answers that I am truly after,
I want to be un-stuck and propelled forward,
right out of this one, into the next chapter.
 Apr 2020 The Unsung Song
Carter
I started the drugs to numb the pain,
an attempt to forget that almost r*pe.
My life was out of control,
one step away from a rope or pills.
I’ve been destroying myself,
to try to feel like myself.
I’m trying to accept the fact
that i am not yet dead,
that my story did not close on that chapter.
I’m trying to get sober,
trying to be human,
trying to be me,
but all I can see,
are flashbacks of that night.
 Apr 2018 The Unsung Song
V
Even the planets aren't perfectly aligned,
How can you expect yourself to be?

Being in pieces doesn't make you any less beautiful.
2 AM thoughts.
You.
You know who you are.
I miss you more
than the moon misses the morning blood star.

I wish I had the courage to tell you
But I'll keep my distance stay afar
and be proud of who you are
The things you've done.
But I hope in years to come
If you see me alone
or with my family who's grown
To look at me with happy eyes and a smile corroding your face
And recall memories and begin to trace every detail like it was yesterday

Do you remember me?
Because I'll never forget you.
And I'll never replace you.
And it's hard to explain
this blood pumping through my veins whenever I hear your name.
I'll never be the same
after everything
We've been through
When I see you to this day
You
look at me like I'm a stranger
A shadow that fades away.
I know why the caged bird sings.

It's not because his song
is as vibrant
as his feathers, that he plucks away
each day because he doesn't
feel beautiful.

It's not because of the majesty
that exist in the freedom
of being able to spread his wings
though he knows
he'll never rise to the occasion.

He sings because he believes
that this cage
was made for a king
because he has never tasted
freedom with a side order of skies.

He's never flown past the sun
on a cool morning
or hung with the moon
on a warm night.

He's only ever known
the comfort of a prison
that his thoughts have
become accustomed
to calling home.

He would never venture
beyond the "welcome" mat
because what's beyond the threshold
holds no promise
the way these bars and metal locks do.

He sings because he knows
that no one is listening
so if he makes a mistake
he doesn't have to live with the regret
or embarrassment of knowing that he missed his note.

The caged bird
never believes that he's caged
because behind these walls
he's safe
and he prefers it this way.

I know why the caged bird sings.
A twist on a title by one of my favorite authors...
3/27/2018 - 2:27am
It’s tough, you know.
When it’s 2am,
and you’ve
finally
decided
to try and get some sleep.
Then, your fear comes
in this giant wave
like you’re the shore
it’s crashing into.
It’s tough,
when you’re out shopping
for house necessities
and, your chest is
so tight,
and your hands
are trembling
because, anxiety
is so *******
controlling,
and you have to
act like you’re totally
okay every time
you walk past
another human being
acting like
they’re totally okay.
None of us
are ever totally okay.
All of us
struggle in
personal battles
everyday.
Some
worse than others,
but for all,
it’s tough.

A.R
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